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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unvaccinated children around newborn

303 replies

Foldback · 14/03/2016 15:22

I don't want to clog the other post here but I wondered what peoples thoughts are.

I'm currently pregnant. My closest friend chooses not to vaccinate her children aged 2 and 6 and has done this since pregnancy, both children attend nursery. Although I wouldn't make the same decision I don't want to debate her reasoning or the pros and cons of vaccination, there has been plenty of that on the other thread.

I have tried to research the possible risks but feel I'm stumbling in the dark on google. AIBU to not allow her / her children to have contact with my DS until he is able to receive his immunisations or am I being PFB?

OP posts:
PalcumTowder · 14/03/2016 15:23

If her children are not actually ill when they see your baby then I don't see that there's any risk.

99percentchocolate · 14/03/2016 15:24

Yanbu at all. She has made the decision to put her children at risk, you will be making the decision to protect yours until he is vaccinated.
If she doesn't like it then tough.
Congratulations on your DS Flowers

99percentchocolate · 14/03/2016 15:25

Palcum, the problem with that is that these children could have an illness but not showing any symptoms yet.

bungmean · 14/03/2016 15:25

I am a doctor specialising in infection - I wouldn't be allowing kids to be coming into contact with my newborn if they were unvaccinated. I've seen the effects of measles, and it isn't pretty.
I've seen the devastating effects of meningitis, and it ruins lives.

No chance would I be putting my child who is too young for vaccines at risk from someone too selfish to vaccinate their kids.

The risks are low, but the consequences are high.

ollieplimsoles · 14/03/2016 15:26

I would wait til baby had vaccinations but that's just me.

Getting vaccinated helps to protect those who are vulnerable, young babies, those with compromised immune systems etc.

PalcumTowder · 14/03/2016 15:28

Yes, I didn't think of that chocolate.

I probably would let them see the baby as long as they were in good health but I wouldn't blame for you being more precautious.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

PixieChops · 14/03/2016 15:28

I'm not in the medical profession but I would not allow unvaccinated (knowingly) children near a newborn child. It's far too risky.
My friend never vaccinated her daughter after convincing herself that vaccines caused her other daughter to have autism. The daughter who wasn't vaccinated is now in hospital fighting a disease that she should have been vaccinated from.

ollieplimsoles · 14/03/2016 15:29

Yes congratulations on your ds op! Flowers

chaosagain · 14/03/2016 15:35

Personally, I wouldn't be very comfortable with the idea of having them around my newborn. They're very likely to want to touch the baby/get close in the way little kids do so although the risk is low, they still present a higher risk to my mind than an unvaccinated adult. And for a lot of infectious illnesses, the period of being most infectious is just before someone gets symptoms/feels ill.

You should feel confident in whatever you decide and let your friend know that if and when she suggests she visits with the kids.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 14/03/2016 15:37

I would hold off introducing the children until your baby has had her primary course of vaccinations (which I think takes you to age1).

Of course chances are that everything would be fine, but the consequences of a child bringing your young baby into contact with a preventable measles or meningitis infection could be tragic. Children can pass these infections on before they develop symptoms.

Of course you can't avoid all risks, but given you know about this one I would want to avoid this risk.

I do know a family who didn't vaccinate their two children and sadly they both caught serious infections that could have been prevented, one of them could have died, thankfully both are ok with no lasting damage (and as adults having all the catch up immunizations).

catslife · 14/03/2016 15:46

You need to talk with your friend. It's slightly different while you are pregnant and varies for different illnesses but if your are sure that you have immunity against rubella, have had chickenpox yourself (provided you are not at a critical stage in pregnancy) and have had the recommended top-ups for flu and whooping cough for pregnant women that covers some likely infections.
Measles is a notifiable disease so if there are cases at the school or nursery your friend should be aware of this and not visit if she knows that her children have been in contact with any infected children.
It isn't a good idea for older children who have any signs of illness e.g. coughs, runny noses etc to have any contact with young babies as these could be symptons of more serious illnesses or cause complications to young babies. (This is regardless of whether they are vaccinated or not).

Original poster
Foldback · 14/03/2016 15:46

Thank you for comments on this, I'm glad I don't appear unreasonable so far. Due to previous pregnancies I'm conscious of being pre-programmed with PFB mode.

I know it is going to cause animosity between us which is very sad but I feel strongly the more I research about immunisation that it is the correct decision, there just seems to be little info on newborns and risk with unvacc children.

OP posts:
JanetOfTheApes · 14/03/2016 15:49

I couldn't be close friends with someone who wouldn't vaccinate their children in the first place, I see it as neglect of the children. I certainly wouldn't want them around my newborn, the risk is just too high

SarfEast1cated · 14/03/2016 15:54

I'm with bungmean.

Original poster
Foldback · 14/03/2016 15:54

Catslife - the snotty children is a good point, I'd rather avoid all children that are obviously ill if possible. I'm still wary of her children having contact even when appearing in good health though, the contagious period often starts before symptoms

(I'm clear on the pregnancy front BTW, well up to date on jabs and immunity checked in last pregnancy)

OP posts:
Fourfifthsof · 14/03/2016 15:55

I would never knowingly allow my baby to be around an unvaccinated child.

If you decide not to allow contact and your friend gets annoyed about it, it will be clear that she isn't really a true friend as she is expecting you to accept a very real risk of serious illness to your child when she wouldn't accept a negligible risk of potential vaccine side effects to her own children.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

ollieplimsoles · 14/03/2016 15:56

I feel strongly about it as,well. The little boy next door went to nursery with some unvaccinated kids, they caught rubella and he got it too as he wasn't old enough for mmr, then I caught it from him and I was pregnant with dd, ended up on a drip in hospital.

It only takes a couple not to get vaccines and you can have an outbreak

lljkk · 14/03/2016 16:00

are you going to quiz adults about what jabs they've had... too?
Most adults haven't had a jab against HIb for instance. As an adult, DH was extremely ill from HIb.

JanetOfTheApes · 14/03/2016 16:02

Most adults aren't at risk for bringing measles into your home, or other childhood diseases. They can, but its a much lower risk factor.

DinosaursRoar · 14/03/2016 16:09

I do think people who take the selfish decision not to vaccinate their DCs shouldn't be hidden from the concequences of their actions, including the fact their DCs will not be as welcome in the company of people who think vaccination is important.

Just tell her, she'll probably accuse you of being PFB, but this is an insult thrown at first time mothers in an attempt to undermine their decisions.

She's made her choice, if she can't cope with you making a different choice, she's not the sort of person you want to spend a lot of time with anyway.

TeaBelle · 14/03/2016 16:09

I think it's ott. If you ate out then loads of small children will come into contact with you, you will have no idea if they are vaccinated or not. Your baby will soon be chewing anything and everything! Also, at what point will you consider tour child adequately vaccinated, as there is a long programme of vaccinations in the uk

TeaBelle · 14/03/2016 16:10

Are out, not ate out

bumbleymummy · 14/03/2016 16:10

I agree with lljkk. Your baby could contract things from non-immune adults too.

Your newborn would still have antibodies from you against things like measles.

SideOfFoot · 14/03/2016 16:13

Ollieplimsoles, a bit irresponsible of you not to check your own vaccine status before becoming pregnant with DD! If you couldn't be vaccinated for medical reasons, that's fine but you took a chance, you are an adult and that was a decision that you took. Don't see why an innocent child should have a rubella vaccine to protect someone else. The consequences of vaccine damage are enormous, the consequences of rubella in a child is negligible.

Bicnod · 14/03/2016 16:15

No way would I knowingly allow unvaccinated children to come into contact with my unvaccinated baby. As a previous poster said, it's the parents' decision not to vaccinate and that decision has consequences. I know I would never forgive them or myself if their child passed a potentially fatal illness onto my baby and the worst happened. Definitely not PFB, I have 3 DC and this would have been my stance with all three of them.