what would you think about this? (contact with NRP)

[princessozma]

Child is under 10, got a mobile phone for Xmas. Now regularly texts/ emails NRP sometimes during the day with general chitchat but also quite late at night (anything from 9-11.30pm saying they are bored or lonely, or both).

Parents are not on speaking terms.

I can see that if he didn't respond, child would be upset/ angry with him, and it would affect contact.

He should say "I'm going to bed now. Good night. Speak to you tomorrow."
He doesn't have to go to bed but he should be encouraging his child to sleep so that they can have a good day.

Does NRP impose a bedtime on the kids when they have contact?

What were you expecting from this thread OP?

I suspect you were expecting everyone to say what an evil cow the RP was, locking her child away in the attic so she could be with her partner and you're having trouble adjusting to the fact that almost everyone says it's your bloke who's in the wrong.

The simplest way to deal with it is to empathise but not actually encourage it...

So something like, yeah bedtime sucks, but you'll not fall asleep texting me, lol, so goodnight.

Basically anything that backs up the RP but in a non confrontational way.

The same with the passive aggressive complaining - it's just a case of acknowledging there's different rules, but not changing them.

Otherwise your DP is in for a hell of a ride in a couple of years when he's got a teenager saying they should be allowed to do whatever they want because their friends all do.

RP shouldn't allow phone in bedroom after 9. NRP should say good night then nothing till next day. Child should understand that they are not being excluded after 9, but they have a normal bedtime for their age. Sorry not read the whole thread.
Oh and I think it's good in general that they can contact NRP, just not so late.

Your posts are, understandably, biased towards the NRP but actually the RP sounds like she has only made the mistake of allowing the phone, and in fairness, this seems to have been done with good intentions to allow the child to keep in contact with the RP.

Have I missed in the thread why the two won't speak to each other? The easiest way, surely, is for them to communicate, whatever they did to each other. It's no wonder the child plays them off against each other-so would I probably as they're making it so easy!!

Saying that the child is sent to bed at nine so the mum can spend time with a partner is entirely your own bias. Nine is late for a nine year old. In addition, none of our children are allowed to yoyo out of bed once they're there. They have a drink before they go if they need one and can get up for the loo obviously.

Your partner should do as others have said 'it's eight o'clock now, you should be going to bed! Night night, speak to you tomorrow' or whatever.

I'm guessing there's a whole backstory and your bf's 'concerns' stem from that and not the belated imposition of a bedtime. This is a non issue and rather your bf getting sucked into a power play orchestrated by a nine year old, he should be a grown up and tell his child that he wont respond to any texts sent past his bedtime, as texting at that time is inappropriate.

Your bf's 'concerns' represent a loss of prospective and you do him no favours by humouring him.