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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or shitty behaviour?

51 replies

Nataleejah · 14/03/2016 08:09

My best friend had a birthday. I got her a card and a present. She called me on the day and said i wasn't invited to the party because its "family only". Ok, fair enough.
Then she put party pics on facebook -- neighbours, her kids' friends... Certainly not "family only". But i was specifically uninvited.
WTF?

OP posts:
Vixxfacee · 14/03/2016 08:10

You're not HER best friend. Have you given her the gift yet?

ctjoy103 · 14/03/2016 08:11

That does sound odd especially if yourll are best friends. Maybe you should ask her what's up? Do you know everyone at the party well?

expatinscotland · 14/03/2016 08:13

She doesn't see you as a best friend. Or much of a friend at all.

austenozzy · 14/03/2016 08:14

Uninvited people who'd rocked up with gifts and couldn't be turned away at the door? Maybe since she's a friend she felt she could be more direct with you? Or she's not as close a friend as you thought and is a bit of a twat. Any of the above! I'd suggest you broach it or it will simmer. Might be a plausible explanation but you'll never know if you don't say something.

acasualobserver · 14/03/2016 08:21

Comment on the photos: "Glad you had a great day. What a big family you've got!"

TheCrumpettyTree · 14/03/2016 08:22

Ouch.

Had she told you about the party previously then?

LineyReborn · 14/03/2016 08:23

I think I'd pay good money to avoid a party like that.

clam · 14/03/2016 08:25

I'd cringe at the prospect of bringing it up, but I don't see how you can possibly move on unless you do. It would fester with me, and the "friendship" would be fucked.

Have you unwittingly done anything to upset her recently?

Original poster
Nataleejah · 14/03/2016 08:28

Thats what i'm wondering. Have i offended her or her family in some way?
Gift is here, i'm staring at it. Thinking what to say or what not to say when i see her again.

OP posts:
MartinaJ · 14/03/2016 08:30

Did she also consider you her best friend? Or was it more one-sided?

TBH, if I were you, I definitely wouldn't give her the gift and simply ignore the issue. I definitely wouldn't consider her my best friend anymore, though. Just someone I know. Sometimes the best way of engagement is disengagement.

diddl · 14/03/2016 08:39

Is she pissed off that she didn't get the card(?) & present on her birthday?

I'd be tempted to comment on FB "didn't realise you were related to neighbour"

If she's a good friend, you should just be able to tell herthat you're hurt that she lied to you & didn't want you at herparty.

TheCrumpettyTree · 14/03/2016 08:40

How long have you been friends for?

Ifailed · 14/03/2016 08:47

time to find another "best friend". Lives too short to waste on people like her.

RhodaBull · 14/03/2016 08:49

I agree that it seems your friendship is a bit unbalanced.

Some years ago I went to a very good - best even - friend's new flat and saw a photo frame bearing the legend "The Women in my Life" (yes, I know it was naff!). There were about eight positions and I did not occupy one of them. There were other women in there who I know my friend had met relatively recently. I felt really sad about this, not just because I was clearly lower than no. 8 in the friend rankings, but that any sensitive person would have removed the frame if they knew a good friend was visiting (or plonked their photo in).

So in case of OP, it's not just the FB cast of thousands when she was not invited, but the fact that the friend did not contact her to say, "Oh, these people popped in," or some other reason to explain or avoid hurting her friend's feelings.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/03/2016 08:52

Very horrid behaviour from a so called best friend, underhanded and nasty, to rub your face in it, knowing you will see those pictures. She would not be my friend anymore, keep the gift yourself. I would also make a comment on the pictures.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 14/03/2016 08:57

"You're not invited to my party". How old is she? 5. Hmm.
I'm not surprised you're peeved. I don't think there are many people that wouldn't be
If you're going to be a lying clique cunt and exclude your "Friend" then at least. Have the good Grace not to go on Facebook book putting up pictures.

EssentialHummus · 14/03/2016 09:04

I'd ask her - not on FB, that's a recipe for disaster - what happened. She invited you, then uninvited you on the basis of "family only", but it looks like lots of other people were there? Have you done something to offend her?

Sixweekstowait · 14/03/2016 09:05

Hope the gift you bought her is something you either like enough to keep yourself or that it will do for someone else

99percentchocolate · 14/03/2016 09:10

Hmm. Normally I would say the same as above, but I'm actually wondering if, as PP suggested, it could be a gate crasher if they were the only ones in the picture that weren't family. My aunt has a neighbour like this. Nobody in the family bar my aunt actually likes her and yet she invites herself to every family function held at my aunts house - she even turned up a couple of hours after my grandpa died as she had seen his body being removed from the house. She has incredibly thick skin too so no amount of telling her she isn't welcome gets through.
I'd maybe gently broach the subject with your friend and see if you can work out what happened rather than immediately assuming the worst.

Birdsgottafly · 14/03/2016 11:25

I can understand her letting her kids invite friends, it keeps them busy.

I agree with pp that the neighbours being invited could have happened on the day, because they were around as people were arriving etc.

Ultimately, you can have the type of party that you want, in your own house, on your Birthday, she may not have wanted it any bigger and knew the neighbours wouldn't stay long.

Don't do a PA post on FB, or even in RL, just speak to her and don't buy gifts for people if they only come with an invite to a party, as many on here seem to do.

annielouisa · 14/03/2016 11:31

We sometimes have family only parties but are immediate neighbours usually attend as to us they are like family. Neighbours for 18 years and have a very close relationship I. e. Invited to weddings, Christenings etc.

Original poster
Nataleejah · 14/03/2016 11:41

Her kids are all adult. So are their friends.
The neighbours are quite recent.
I sent her a text that i still have her present.
She said we'll meet some other day.

OP posts:
breezydoesit · 14/03/2016 11:42

If I were you I'd drop her like a hot potato. Completely blank and ignore from here on out. She is not a friend and I'd be sure as hell keen to show her that you're no friend of hers.

leelu66 · 14/03/2016 11:48

OP, you need to ask her why you weren't invited.

Otherwise, you will always wonder.

Even if she evades the question, you will know you didn't just ignore this behaviour. Or, there may be an innocent explanation (I hope, as she is your BF).

If not, you can then move on and put it (and her) behind you.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/03/2016 11:55

I don't think so 99percent, she has made it very clear how she views your friendship. I would not text her again. Her reply was neither here nor there.

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