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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or shitty behaviour?

51 replies

Nataleejah · 14/03/2016 08:09

My best friend had a birthday. I got her a card and a present. She called me on the day and said i wasn't invited to the party because its "family only". Ok, fair enough.
Then she put party pics on facebook -- neighbours, her kids' friends... Certainly not "family only". But i was specifically uninvited.
WTF?

OP posts:
TheCrumpettyTree · 14/03/2016 11:55

She doesn't seem that bothered. So I wouldn't make the effort either, sorry.

Original poster
Nataleejah · 14/03/2016 12:04

Ok, shit resolved.
It wasn't a call for me being "uninvited", it was a text. Not from her, but her husband. And we don't get on too well. Her husband has full access to her phone.

OP posts:
petalsandstars · 14/03/2016 12:08

Sounds like the husband is controlling if he pretended to be her to tell you not to go.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 14/03/2016 12:10

weird drip feed,

so she did NOT call and uninvite you, it was a text, apparently from the husband?

how about the reply to the present...was that him too?

just to clarify really.

They sound like a pair of teenagers. Snooping on phones and other nonsense.

Original poster
Nataleejah · 14/03/2016 12:12

Her husband is an arse. Abusive, manipulating, and else... But she loves him.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 14/03/2016 12:12

I would drop her. You won't trust her again.

Only1scoop · 14/03/2016 12:12

I thought there was a 'call' and you had spoken to her.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 14/03/2016 12:13

Or maybe not as I just read your update. Just call her direct next time.

Although it sounds a bit strange. Maybe she is trying to dig herself out of a hole

gandalf456 · 14/03/2016 12:18

Hmmm. I'd say something on Facebook just so she'd know I'd seen it and keep present for myself! !!!

TheCrumpettyTree · 14/03/2016 12:18

So she didn't call you, you got a text from her husband who you don't get on with. Why drip feed that?

Original poster
Nataleejah · 14/03/2016 12:24

My fault. Drip feed because i was sure it was her

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 14/03/2016 12:26

Comment on the photos: "Glad you had a great day. What a big family you've got!"

this!

friends don't make other friends feel like shit. nasty. I would go on a major diet and cut her out for a while TBH

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 14/03/2016 12:30

She'll meet some other day. What does she think you are her fan club.

Arfarfanarf · 14/03/2016 12:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KurriKurri · 14/03/2016 12:36

To me she sounds frightened of her husband - that's why her texts are a bit curt and her behaviour seems odd - she knows he is reading them. Wait until you can see her so she can talk freely before you blame or drop her - she may be very much in need your support.

leelu66 · 14/03/2016 12:40

Arf. I think OP said 'called' instead of 'texted' by mistake in her op.

GloGirl · 14/03/2016 12:46

Oh how awful, he purposefully told you not to go. Does she know? Sad

ElderlyKoreanLady · 14/03/2016 12:50

Surely if you're best friends, she'd have wondered where you were on the day and rang to check you were still coming?

If you hadn't posted to say it was actually her husband, I'd have been asking how enthusiastic she is about the friendship. I've had someone claiming to be my best friend who was nothing of the sort. I'd have felt obliged to invite her to a party but wouldn't have wanted her there. Are you sure you're not 'that' person?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 14/03/2016 13:01

I didn't see the post about her DH sending the text. I feel guilty now.
How can she loves a man who bullies controls and manipulates her.

amarmai · 14/03/2016 13:05

with an h like that she needs all the friends she can get. Hang in there ,op, at least until you're sure of the facts.

KurriKurri · 14/03/2016 13:05

Having been in a long relationship with a very controlling man, I can say that the one thing he consistently did was strongly dislike all my friends and try to cut me off from them. Controlling men want to isolate you so you are more and more dependent upon them and it is harder and harder for you to escape.

I may well be reading far more into this than is there, because of my personal experience - but keep it in mind and don't allow this nasty man to ruin your friendship.

clam · 14/03/2016 13:16

So, do we have a situation here where he uninvited you, and he possibly posted whoopy pics on FB that he knew you'd see, but that she has maybe been told that you bailed on going to the party and is therefore being cool with you about meeting up as she's got the hump?

You need to talk to her pronto.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 14/03/2016 13:23

He may have deleted the text to you so she won't know about it and now thinks you are rude for not going to the party or text an excuse or something

CaptainCrunch · 14/03/2016 13:55

But how did you find out the text was from her husband? This is quite confusing.

diddl · 14/03/2016 15:06

"I sent her a text that i still have her present.
She said we'll meet some other day."

Was that from her husband as well?

Doesn't even ask why you weren't there.