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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask DH to take day off work tomorrow as I have a bad cold and am struggling to look after baby

99 replies

SilkObsidian · 13/03/2016 14:21

Baby is almost 7months, he has a cold too and is up every 45mins-1hour to BF all night.

I have all usual cold symptoms plus fever and keep vomiting. Head is banging.

DH has taken DS most of day so I can rest, he brings him to me for feeds.

I don't feel I can cope tomorrow AIBU to insist he works from home?

OP posts:

TheSinkingFeeling · 13/03/2016 21:28

Worth asking if his firm has a policy for Carer's Leave?

green18 · 13/03/2016 21:30

If he can't take a day off is there anyone who could take your baby out for a couple of hours? I presume at 7 months your baby has a lengthy nap in the day, say 2 hours? Make the most of it. I remember being at home with sickness and runs, my 3 yr old had it too and i had a 6 week old baby! It was hell, DH had to go to work but it passed. You will get through this!

LeaLeander · 13/03/2016 21:45

If I were his manager is be looking askance at any new absence after the ones OP has named. I've not taken a total of 10 sick days off in my entire career and that includes having influenza A (as a 50-something woman not a young man) in 2015.

He's chronically absent already and now a mere cold is going to require him staying home again? Let's hope he's self-employable.

TheSinkingFeeling · 13/03/2016 21:46

I've not taken a total of 10 sick days off in my entire career and that includes having influenza A

Have a fucking medal.

LifeofI · 13/03/2016 21:50

just ask him and eat some garlic every few hours will remove that cold from you

bibbitybobbityyhat · 13/03/2016 21:58

If the man in this situation was a single parent and his baby was being looked after by a nanny or childminder and the nanny/childminder was sick ... then he would have no choice but to take the time off.

"Man up and crack on with it" - how helpful

sleeponeday · 13/03/2016 21:58

Flu jab doesn't protect against all strains of flu. I had this one recently and DS had to take time off work, because we have a toddler who simply is not safe left to her own devices, and I couldn't stay upright.

Is there a friend or family member you could call a favour in on, at all?

sleeponeday · 13/03/2016 22:00

I've not taken a total of 10 sick days off in my entire career and that includes having influenza A (as a 50-something woman not a young man) in 2015.

How most unfortunate for those colleagues you have chosen to infect with a potentially lethal illness. Not to mention all those they, in turn, infected.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 13/03/2016 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

drspouse · 13/03/2016 22:00

I had a chest infection when I was home with both DCs (I think a day when DC1 didn't have nursery but DC2 was still tiny, rather than just a regular day off work). I couldn't really breathe or get out of bed, DH took emergency childcare leave as his childcare was ill. Can your DH get this? Most people can.

Orda1 · 13/03/2016 22:03

I'm ill and need time to recover but I have deadlines tomorrow, what has anyone else done in this situation?

clairemum22 · 13/03/2016 22:04

If you are vomiting then I don't understand how you can look after a child, yanbu

sleeponeday · 13/03/2016 22:04

I do appreciate friends/family aren't nearby, but when you say "not nearby" do you mean a "drive/train ride from a retired mum you're close to and who could stay a few days or you with her", or do you mean, "nobody at all could possibly help out here"?

I also think it depends a lot on how mobile your baby is. Because keeping a mover safe with flu is not easy, or even possible. A cold, sure and we've all done it. Abscess, and yes I have done too... and it wasn't in my tooth! Flu? Nyah.

Brokenbiscuit · 13/03/2016 22:19

I read the title of your thread and was absolutely going to say it's just a cold, suck it up and get on with it. However, you sound properly ill and not in a fit state to look after a young baby. No matter how inconvenient, he really needs to stay at home tomorrow so that you can rest/see your GP or whatever.

Hope you feel better soon.

Brokenbiscuit · 13/03/2016 22:24

Oh god, please don't listen to the people telling him to take sick leave, OP! He needs to stay at home, yes, but he needs to be honest about the reasons why!

ouryve · 13/03/2016 22:25

If you're throwing up, that aint no cold.

YWNBU if that hasn't subsided, as having your head down the loo isn't completely compatible with looking after a presumably starting to be mobile baby.

Hope you feel better for a decent night's sleep.

LeaLeander · 13/03/2016 22:31

Sleepiness u, I was cleared by doc to return. In fact our director IS a medical doctor and she concurred. Two days off plus a weekend was plenty for me. My only sick or unplanned absences in five years with this employer.

LeaLeander · 13/03/2016 22:34

Babbitty, one is concerned about your apparent obsession. Perhaps you should relax a bit. We're all entitled to our opinions and by posting here the OPs presumably want real-life feedback. Those who prefer nothing but a Molly-coddling echo chamber doubtless can find one.

Hezaire · 13/03/2016 22:35

I think I may have done this when my youngest was a similar age. I think your immune system can be really crap with a small child and things are made worse say if you are breastfeeding and can't medicate, or have had little sleep etc.

So no you aren't being unreasonable but you will survive without the help

Hezaire · 13/03/2016 22:36

My husband told work I was unwell and he needed to look after child

BlackeyedSusan · 13/03/2016 22:37

it is possible to look after children while vomitting. (I managed to be with dd while she was vomitting while at the same time being sick in a bucket) doesn't mean that you should have to though when there is another parent on hand to do it.

BertrandRussell · 14/03/2016 09:47

"OP Did you just say that your DH is worried about giving you the rest you need from your usual "work" tomorrow, because he recently had 10 days off with flu? Can neither of you see the double standard there?"

I suppose it would depend on how the employer's going to regard it. He's had a lot of sick leave this year already. Is there a possibility there might be consequences if he has any more time off?

Original poster

SilkObsidian · 14/03/2016 09:55

He took the day off. Felt so ill this morning I thought I might pass out, didn't feel safe carrying baby. So DH phoned work, explained situation and his boss was understanding.

I wonder if it is scarlet fever? The rash has spread. I googled it and it looks same though doesn't have the characteristic 'sandpaper' texture. DH thinks it's just a prickly heat rash.

Luckily baby doesn't have the rash, but he has cold symptoms and is under the weather.

OP posts:

outputgap · 14/03/2016 16:29

Go to the GP tomorrow because you'll need antibiotics if it is scarlet fever. There is loads of it about and adults are getting it too.

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