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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH to take day off work tomorrow as I have a bad cold and am struggling to look after baby

99 replies

SilkObsidian · 13/03/2016 14:21

Baby is almost 7months, he has a cold too and is up every 45mins-1hour to BF all night.

I have all usual cold symptoms plus fever and keep vomiting. Head is banging.

DH has taken DS most of day so I can rest, he brings him to me for feeds.

I don't feel I can cope tomorrow Sad AIBU to insist he works from home?

OP posts:
Flashbangandgone · 13/03/2016 19:37

In my view the OP clearly needs help tomorrow (if things don't improve overnight). In my view her DH should do what's necessary. Ideally annual leave, but that depends on his employer of that can be sorted at the last minute... Otherwise sick leave is justified I think. Ok, it's not perfect but it's the lesser of the two evils...: Purpledaisies I really think you're being very paranoid about being found out for one day's sickness. How would they know unless he flaunts his 'wellness' by doing cartwheels outside his place of work!

Is taking sick leave when you're not sick wrong? Yes... But it's more wrong not to assist your ill wife and baby who need you when you are able... Life often requires pragmatic choices.

IsItMeOr · 13/03/2016 19:40

OP Did you just say that your DH is worried about giving you the rest you need from your usual "work" tomorrow, because he recently had 10 days off with flu? Can neither of you see the double standard there?

Fluffycloudland77 · 13/03/2016 19:46

I've had similar viruses, one day it just broke & I felt much better.

waterrat · 13/03/2016 19:50

So he had ten days off to completely recover but you have to just get on with it and look after the baby?

Flashbangandgone · 13/03/2016 19:51

gandalf completely agree... Work is important, but not more important than the health of your family... Unless he's on a final warning and HR are monitoring every move, he should do what's needed... And if the OP does genuinely believe she really can't safely look after her baby then there is nothing wrong in her insisting her DH stays to help.

Flashbangandgone · 13/03/2016 19:53

Unless he's on a final warning and HR are monitoring every move, he should do what's needed.... Actually, even if he is, his first duty is the safety of his family.

weeblueberry · 13/03/2016 19:53

So he had ten days off to completely recover but you have to just get on with it and look after the baby?

Exactly this!!

teeththief · 13/03/2016 19:55

He had 10 days off but isn't very willing to give you a couple of days to recover...nice

And the single parent comparison is irrelevant when the OP isn't a single parent

PurpleDaisies · 13/03/2016 20:07

Purpledaisies I really think you're being very paranoid about being found out for one day's sickness. How would they know unless he flaunts his 'wellness' by doing cartwheels outside his place of work!*

Is taking sick leave when you're not sick wrong? Yes... But it's more wrong not to assist your ill wife and baby who need you when you are able... Life often requires pragmatic choices.

I'm not being paranoid-I don't think people should take sick leave when they're not sick. Why should the employer pay the dh to stay home and look after his wife? If parents keep doing this (to look after their kids when they're off or support their spouses when they're ill) employers will be less likely to hire parents. No one wants that.

I agree it sounds like the op needs support but it isn't on to do it on the company tab.

Flashbangandgone · 13/03/2016 20:16

I agree it sounds like the op needs support but it isn't on to do it on the company tab.

It clearly shouldn't be done if there are alternatives, but if you think your employer's profits are important than keeping your partner and baby safe, then your values are rather warped I'm afraid!

Flashbangandgone · 13/03/2016 20:17

Are more important

Shesinfashion · 13/03/2016 20:44

I think you need to man up and crack on with it. Having looked after my two kids with flu and a raging dental abcess it is possible. Not pleasant but just do what you absolutely have to do and rest, doze when you can.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 13/03/2016 20:46

If you are vomiting you do not have a cold and absolutely should not be taking co-codamol.

Narp · 13/03/2016 20:49

Shes

You clearly win

Shesinfashion · 13/03/2016 20:50

Yes, I do don't I?

Shesinfashion · 13/03/2016 20:53

Her baby's 7 months old. Don't they sleep a lot still at that age? Wait till they're preschoolers and following you around, trying to wreck the house and making unreasonable requests every 5 minutes.

HumphreyCobblers · 13/03/2016 20:56

If there is another parent at hand to look after the baby then I do not see why the OP should 'man up and get on with it'. The OP is not a single parent.

I can't get over the fact that the DH in question had ten days off with flu but expects her just to keep on going.

Flashbangandgone · 13/03/2016 20:56

i think you need to man up and crack on with it. Having looked after my two kids with flu and a raging dental abcess it is possible

It's possible to do all sorts of things... If I had a bottle of wine I could probably drive to the next town. It wouldn't be sensible though, particularly if someone else could drive. Just because you've got through something really tough, doesn't mean others should.... Looking back many years I went through a phase when I was clearly clinically depressed... I somehow managed to get through without medical help. I wouldn't advise others to just man up do so just because I did!

ilovesooty · 13/03/2016 20:57

I agree with PurpleDaisies
Of course if he needs to support his family he needs to do so but claiming to be sick when he isn't is not on imo. He needs to insist on emergency leave, either annual or unpaid.

GraciesMansion · 13/03/2016 21:00

I work for a county council and recent guidance has told us that if we have more than one day off to arrange childcare for a sick child it will be marked down as sickness absence on your record - so some employers (and this is a very large local government one) seem to think it's fine that sickness absence doesn't always mean that you are the one that is sick! Not that I'm suggesting that your DH should phone in sick. YANBU to ask him for some help.

Cocacolaandchocolate · 13/03/2016 21:06

If he can't take the time off, you need a strategy for Tomorrow. Set your self up to stay down stairs. When your baby naps you sleep too. Tell him he needs to go and get any supplies you need now from the local shop and then you and baby can camp in for the day.

But the rash would concern me. Check symptoms of scarlet fever.

Alexa444 · 13/03/2016 21:10

TBH it would depend on his boss. In his situation a year ago I would have said Hell no because my boss was crazy and hated me. My boss now wouldn't even hesitate to say that was fine. I don't think ywbu to ask but he wouldn't BU to say no either. Also Co codamol is an opiate and will do very close to jack shit for flu and just as a bonus will give you a happy little withdrawal headache when you stop taking it if you use it for general aches and pains. Take it from someone with long term chronic pain issues. NSAIDs will do you better and without the omg-let-me-die withdrawal. Ibuprofen will help if you have no other NSAIDs in the house, just take 3 instead of 2.

Flashbangandgone · 13/03/2016 21:19

I agree with PurpleDaisies
Of course if he needs to support his family he needs to do so but claiming to be sick when he isn't is not on imo. He needs to insist on emergency leave, either annual or unpaid.
Annual leave should be first port of call...

But if they are likely to be so unreasonable as to refuse such leave, I'd preempt that by taking the day as 'sick'. If they refuse, you can't very easily then claim to be sick!

RubbleBubble00 · 13/03/2016 21:23

I usually have to man up as dh works away. Doesn't sound like a cold if your vomiting. I'd be asking him to stay at home tomorrow. Who wants to look after a baby when they are talking to the big white telephone

thebestfurchinchilla · 13/03/2016 21:26

If he is 'working' from home then he can't be on hand when you need him can he? Not sure what he does. Try not to panic, you may feel a lot better tomorrow. Dose yourself up and have an easy day. Forget everything else, housework etc and sleep when baby sleeps. You don't have to move from the sofa or bed. We have all been there and had no chance of DH working from home AND with a second or third child in tow. This too in time shall pass. Get well soon.