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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH to take day off work tomorrow as I have a bad cold and am struggling to look after baby

99 replies

SilkObsidian · 13/03/2016 14:21

Baby is almost 7months, he has a cold too and is up every 45mins-1hour to BF all night.

I have all usual cold symptoms plus fever and keep vomiting. Head is banging.

DH has taken DS most of day so I can rest, he brings him to me for feeds.

I don't feel I can cope tomorrow Sad AIBU to insist he works from home?

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 13/03/2016 14:51

Yes definitely ask him. That sounds hellish. You could possibly cope but get the help if at all possible.

IsItMeOr · 13/03/2016 14:53

Thisis She has the flu, not a cold. Big difference.

Thisisnotausername · 13/03/2016 14:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thisisnotausername · 13/03/2016 14:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AtrociousCircumstance · 13/03/2016 15:00

I think this is a feminist issue really.

She works - she cares for a baby. She is physically unable to do her job.

He, the equal parent, needs to step in, and, yes - maybe make sacrifices to do so.

This isn't the 1950s ffs.

SuperCee7 · 13/03/2016 15:00

That sounds like flu, not cold. YANBU to beg ask. I know my OH would. I feel very similar to you ATM and I've had to leave my LB with my mum, luckily I have that option. My shivery chills and hot sweats are leaving me feeling so weak and faint. I hope you're feeling better soon OP.

PastaLaFeasta · 13/03/2016 15:03

Can he call in and request a sick day? Effectively the same as if your child was sick, so couldn't go to nursery, and you were unavailable, which you are being so ill yourself. I've had DH do this once or twice in our six years of parenting as I'm a SAHP-ish. It's been no issue. WFH may be unrealistic depending on whether baby will sleep long enough to get anything done.

I hope you feel better soon, there's lots going round at them moment, I'm the only one without a virus in this house currently - I'll probably be WFH or off sick from my voluntary work looking after the kids.

PurpleDaisies · 13/03/2016 15:05

Can he call in and request a sick day?

If he isn't sick himself I'd be very wary of asking for a sick day. It should be parental leave/annual leave. You can get in trouble for self certifying as ill when you're not.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 13/03/2016 15:05

If a child has two adults that are legally responsible for its care and one is to sick to do so,then the other has to. It is that simple.

IsItMeOr · 13/03/2016 15:10

Apologies Thisis, you are quite right Blush.

Still, I wouldn't be going to work with those symptoms, so I don't see why OP should either. DH needs to step up.

PastaLaFeasta · 13/03/2016 15:13

Well it's up to the manager to label the type of leave but my DH has explained the situation and taken it the same way as a sick day, meaning not using annual leave. One or two days doesn't require certification anyway. If it's flu it will pass the worst in a few days and ease off for another week. Sadly, having a SAHP at home = DH not really being treated as a parent in work.

DaphneWhitethigh · 13/03/2016 15:16

You might be sufficiently improved to struggle on tomorrow, but if you're not then it's not unreasonable to ask him to take a day's compassionate leave or whatever.

PurpleDaisies · 13/03/2016 15:20

One or two days doesn't require certification anyway.

When you request dick leave you're saying (or certifying) you're personally too sick to work. You can do that for up to a week then you need to get a note from your GP. It isn't wise to say you're ill when your not-my friends in he tell me most companies would consider that a disciplinary offence.

PurpleDaisies · 13/03/2016 15:20

Oh dear! I meant sick leave. I don't want to think about what dick leave is. Blush

PurpleDaisies · 13/03/2016 15:21

And that should be "you're not".

Lurkedforever1 · 13/03/2016 15:25

yabu to insist, but Yanbu to ask.

Whether he does or not will surely depend on his job role and employer.

outputgap · 13/03/2016 15:33

I just had this and it was way beyond a normal cold. The most sick I've been since the flu, and in fact, I saw two consultants in emergency care as a result of complications, who both asked if I'd been swabbed for flu, so perhaps it is. It's horrendous.

I said to my husband that if we had a nanny, rather than me at home, if she was that unwell, she would not come to work, and one of us would have to stay at home. So he worked from home an extra day, and my mum helped out other days. Having someone at home means you can go for a sleep and they can keep an eye on the child for a bit, and they can do lunch and stuff. It does make a difference when you're that ill.

Narp · 13/03/2016 17:13

outputgap

Exactly

Original poster
SilkObsidian · 13/03/2016 19:07

Thanks everyone

He manages a small team, can do so remotely if needed, though not ideal. So if home he wouldn't do a full day's work but would be on hand for team and could work once baby's in bed for eve.

He's had a lot of time off recently (10days when he had flu, plus 2days to attend appointments and some days of annual leave). Didn't realise he can get parental leave though I thought that was just public sector?

We had a chat, he said he will take the day off if I really need him to but would rather not, so looks like I need to manage somehow. Will keep taking co-codamol!

Reassuring to know others have managed to look after a baby alone when ill.

I've had flu jab so not flu, but feels worse than a cold. Temp 38.5 so not a high fever, but feel sick and shivery and can't keep much down. Also a strange rash has appeared over my chest and shoulders!

No family or friends nearby.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 13/03/2016 19:09

Parental leave is different to emergency annual leave. It has to be booked in advance and in blocks of no less than a week.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 13/03/2016 19:13

Rash? That doesn't sound normal. Can you call 111 (or whatever it is?)

Branleuse · 13/03/2016 19:14

sounds like a horrible virus. With the rash, could it be scarlet fever. I heard there are masses and masses of cases of it at the moment?

Just because he says he would rather not, doesnt mean he shouldnt if you need him to. You sound really poorly

PurpleDaisies · 13/03/2016 19:15

Rash is common with viral illness. You could always call out if hours or 111 for advice if you're worried.

Hope you feel better soon. Flowers

AlleyCatandRastaMouse · 13/03/2016 19:19

Do you have Force Majeure leave in the UK? I think it is EU wide and it is designed for circumstances such as in the OP.

Remember can be more than one flu strain OP. This year a large number of my peers, aged 30 something, had the flu. It is the first year completely anecdotally I have seen such a virulent stain in my age group. Yours sounds way worse than a cold to me.

gandalf456 · 13/03/2016 19:26

With a big standard cold, I'd say manage somehow (I would go to work with a cold) but with a vomiting virus, you are incapacitated. It would actually be dangerous and irresponsible of him to leave you in charge of a baby. Really tough luck if work doesn't like it. Family comes first and they won't sack him for that