You should take people out to dinner when you're staying in their house, right?

[AnnieBesom]

Some very old family friends (FF) have invited my family and my sister's family to stay with them in their holiday house in a very lovely part of the world. They are very wealthy and very fond of us and really very happy that we're coming to visit (this is all relevant). We're going to stay for a week (our choice - we could have stayed 2 nights but we're staying 7).

I was on the phone to my sister the other day talking about logistics and I said 'well obviously we'll take FF out to dinner one night' and she said 'oh no, I really don't think we should! I know you haven't been to the place where their holiday house is for years but it's terribly expensive! I think we should just offer to do all the cooking every night'

I said that, however expensive it was, it was because of them that we were able to go to this place and that if you stay with someone, you take them out to dinner. She said that it would cost about a thousand pounds to eat out (there are 7 of us, including FF) and we should eat in every single night. I pointed out that they were saving us huge amounts of money by inviting us to stay and she said that actually if they hadn't, they would have stayed in a really cheap apartment and it would have cost them only a couple of hundred quid. And besides, FF are very wealthy, money means nothing to them and they are happy to have us stay. We sort of compromised by her agreeing that we should buy them lunch most days.

Today, I was looking at some info that FF has sent us (they let friends use the house when they're not there) and there are a list of restaurants that they like on it, including 'their favourite'. Main courses there are about £15. So we could totally - particularly between two families - buy them dinner there.

So (at last I've got there!) AIBU to think that my sister is being really tight and we should buy them dinner at least once at their favourite restaurant? And that it's actually bloody rude not to?

TL;DR - AIBU to think that if someone puts you up for a week, you take them out to dinner to say thank you?

You don't have to pack wine in your suitcase - reading between the lines, if it's in or near a wine-growing region, then so much easier. Just buy some wine when you get there, to give them.

You can't stay at someone's house for a week and not stump up with a few bottles of wine! That's more of a faux pas than not taking them out to a restaurant, in my book.

artless - I think that's the way to go. I would like to take them out. I enjoy eating out and I would feel more comfortable taking them out.

I will of course take them a gift, lavender.

They have a housekeeper and I'm a generous tipper, never fear

Ski resort. Then you'll be eating lunch out every day and probably at least a couple of evenings, so I'd certainly offer to pick up the bill once or twice.

I think dinner out is nice but would be equally fine to cook for them. I don't think either would be a faux pas. So then it comes down to which is the best option. If it isn't really that expensive then maybe take them out, if it is then cook.

I think you're absolutely right op. Hosting you all is very generous and taking them out for dinner is spot on.

I would definitely book a restaurant (that is within your price range) even in places like Verbier there are plenty of places that are affordable. It sounds like you are getting a v cheap holiday and so at very least one meal is polite.

Skiing, most eat out. We do when skiing. I do however make curry and spag bog, freeze and bring it with me. Even with flying it is still frozen when we arrive and can be a quick lunch or supper one night. Maybe if you have a nice meal you do bring that. I would also pay for a meal out.

I would absolutely insist on paying for dinner if someone were hosting me. If they are your senior they might have a word with the waiter to ensure they get to pay (let's say they're your friends parents, for example; or your parent's friends) but that's really the only circumstance under which you could respectably relent.

What do you mean when you say you could have stayed 2 nights, but it's your choice to stay for 7? Were you initially invited for 2?!
Of course you should take them for dinner, no question about it. Your sister is a mannerless sow.

A week at someone's home in an expensive and lovely part of the world. Gosh if you were to fork out for food and accommodation elsewhere would cost upwards of £3000.
I think it is a nice gesture to pay for a meal out, regardless of the fact they are wealthy and you are not.
I think it would be very graciously received.
You sound lovely OP.
I think some people put a monetary value on everything.

I always offer to take my hosts out if I'm staying with them. And, from the opposite point of view, I have to say that, as a host, I don't really want guests cooking for me - it's not particularly relaxing having strangers in my kitchen when I'll have to tell them where to find everything, warn them about the peculiarities of our oven, and probably clear up after them.

I too was wondering about how the trip went form 2 to 7 nights. I hope the hosts suggested it!

I read it as 2 weeks?

YANBU. There are 5 of you and 2 of them - how tight can you get?

I was about to write the same as GruntledOne, I'd hate someone else cooking in my house. I also read it as 2 weeks.

I only read it as 2 nights because that's what it actually says... It could be a typo, of course.

I'd think neither of you are being unreasonable and it depends on the host. We lived in lovely area and had regular guests - I preferred that they cooked and kept it homely rather than have to go to restaurants (that's I'd been to before and would prefer to go to on own with DH - once guests had buggered off!) Worse case scenario was guests who took you out for a "treat" at end of holiday with their kids - please go off on your own and let me babysit - I hated sitting through expensive thank you meals with other folks' kids. Really I'm not as miserable as this post makes me sound - if I could offer any advice it would be ask the host and play it by ear

I think it depends partly on how well you cook. Would be delighted to have dinner cooked for me, provided you were very good at cooking! If you are not, please take me out. It is, as a PP suggests, not relaxing having strangers cook in your kitchen, having to explain where all the basics are, and then clearing up, especially for 7 - 9 people.

Clearly, you need to arrive with a hostess gift, and wine, or leave/send an appreciation of their hospitality. We have just been lent a house in an expensive capital city for a week. Arrived with a favourite wine, bought lunch one day, and have sent vouchers to cover two tickets to a decent theatre (to be used as and when they want, for logistical convenience).

It doesn't need to be a Michelin starred restaurant, it's somewhere like Oslo or somewhere with an unfavourable exchange rate to your home country.

Taking hosts out for dinner is nice but money they've saved you is irrelevant because if you couldn't afford a holiday without staying with them then the money you've "saved" isn't there to take them
Out.

However, if you can genuinely take them out for £15 a main course prices (without them being constrained by set menus/ unable to afford the expensive wines they might want etc) then it's certainly an option you can consider. In that case I'd just tell my sis straight- I know We can go out for x here is the menu lets do it.

Oh and I would hate for someone to cook for me every night for weeks. They might be a crap cook, they might not clean up: they might burn my pans. No Thanks

Oh god and if you're going to cook a MN 14 meals chicken or spag Bol bulked out with lentils you wouldn't be coming back

I live in a very, very touristy area. When I have people come over I never expect to be taken out for dinner. I do appreciate offers to cook once when they are here.

But most of all I appreciate the company. I only invite people to stay if I actually like them, so I enjoy catering to them and am happy if they have a good time.