Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

cancelled plans on friend now she is ignoring me

91 replies

orangjuicelover · 11/03/2016 17:10

Maybe i am being unreasonable but.........

Today we made plans to meet up and go have something to eat, it was a short notice kind of thing.
I have been busy this week as i had just come off holiday two weeks ago and im catching up on bills/money matters/other stuff.
I booked to have my hair coloured and the hairdressers could only do it today so I cancelled the plans with my friend.
She messaged me back saying "ok cool"

It seemed blunt so i said to her i can meet her after the hairdressers and cancel to plumber who was meant to come in the afternoon and we can meet but she just said "no next week is fine"

I then asked her if she wanted to come wireless as the tickets were going on sale today and she has ignored me but has been seen on whatsapp. She just read it and ignored it.

Shes obviously pissed off, was I wrong here?

Im kind of guessing something is going on in her life which is negative because the day after I came back from holiday she was asking me to come out and before I left was complaining about her DP

OP posts:

xenapants · 12/03/2016 05:23

Christ, how vain and shallow are you, dumping plans with your friend so you could preen at the hairdressers? Utterly pathetic. I'm not surprised she's not talking to you. Women like you really piss me off. Vain and flaky.

TheStoic · 12/03/2016 05:25

She's probably not pissed off. She's probably just shrugging and making plans with people who will actually see her.

chantico · 12/03/2016 07:16

You've been back 2 weeks. You know she's been trying to see you for some time.you suspect there may be something major going on in her life.

You arrange to see her on a day when you have the plumber coming, and then you add the hairdresser too.

That may have been unavoidable, as might the reasons why you couldn't fit her in any other IME in the last two weeks.

She is respecting those, by being polite and not demanding you make changes.

But it does sound as though she has also decided that she's only a casual friend to you (you said the cancelled arrangement was only a short notice sort of thing) and so may well not be interested in planning bigger ticket things with you, and will probably not see you as an available confidente if something is up with her DP (many issues can't wait 2 weeks). OTOH, there doesn't seem to be any indication why you can't continue to be amicable on the more casual basis that you seem to attach to it already.

Xmasbaby11 · 12/03/2016 07:24

Yabu. I love getting my hair done but I love more friends more.

FelicityFunknickle · 12/03/2016 08:22

I think you're reading too much into her repllies. She might well be a bit pissed off, understandably tbh, but if you're really there for her generally then she'll get over it.
I think you're fishing for reassurance from her, which probably compunds any negative feelings she might have. I have a friend who, if she drops out of an event, makes anxious enquiries about whether others are going because she feels guilty if the numbers are down too much (iyswim) and feels better if the party thrower still has plenty of guests. Well meaning maybe, but just comes actoss as patronising.

Grapejuicerocks · 12/03/2016 08:58

I wouldn't mind as a one off but would if it was a pattern.

One of dd's friends mothers was so flakey, always cancelling arrangements. It got to the point I never told dd about any plans until they were literally about to happen, to avoid her being disappointed.

unimaginative13 · 12/03/2016 09:03

To the person who said don't cancel the self employed plumber cancel the hairdresser ???

What if the hairdresser is self employed and someone is cancelling a 3 hour appt on the busiest day of the week!!???

I would have maybe just had the cut or the colour and got my friend to meet me there. Or invited my friends round while the plumber was there for lunch of coffee. That's just how my decent friends work.

AyeAmarok · 12/03/2016 09:13

It was very rude to cancel so late for that.

You sound a bit self absorbed, and one of those "I'm so busy" people.

Too busy to return to the thread too

GruntledOne · 12/03/2016 09:23

Saturday morning at short notice was seriously the only time your hairdresser could see you? Really? Saturdays are normally booked at least two weeks in advance at my hairdresser's, whereas you can get an appointment pretty quickly on weekdays.

treaclesoda · 12/03/2016 09:29

I don't think people were saying it was OK to cancel the hairdresser, they were saying don't make an appointment in the first place that clashes with an arrangement you've already made.

plantsitter · 12/03/2016 09:30

You cancelled on her and now are complaining that she's not responding quickly enough to your messages??

Maybe she is pissed off, in which case let her be! You made your decision; live with it. I'm sure she'll be in touch when in a day or two. If not you'd better call and grovel to be frank.

StitchesInTime · 12/03/2016 09:31

I don't think people were saying it was OK to cancel the hairdresser, they were saying don't make an appointment in the first place that clashes with an arrangement you've already made.

Yy. Absolutely agree with this.

MyIronLung · 12/03/2016 10:14

I have a friend that cancels a lot. She approaches me to make plans, I get a babysitter sorted and then at the last minute she cancels. It pisses me off and I've told her point blank that I won't make plans with her in the future.
It's rude and inconsiderate.

Mousefinkle · 12/03/2016 10:18

This is the problem with the read receipts... People overthink and decide you're ignoring them when you absolutely aren't, you sometimes just aren't in a position to reply properly at that time but will later unless you forget.

But I would be pissed off if my friend cancelled on me for a hairdressers appointment too.

cc177 · 08/10/2017 21:37

This reminds me why I prefer hanging out with guys and the OTT feedback here confirms it for me lol. What you're doing is called 'false attribution' - when there's a communication gap we ascribe (usually negative) meaning where there is none. Perhaps she's pissed but you can't make anyone else feel anything. It's her choice to feel that way if she does. Last minute cancellations suck but if your self-care time is quite limited, better to prioritise what you need to do. It also depends on what the "negative situation" is - frankly if it's something she has self-created I wouldn't feel too guilty about being unavailable to listen to her venting about it. Otherwise, just apologise, plan better in future and hope she gets over it. Best of luck!

Mulberry72 · 08/10/2017 21:40

I don’t think it matters now seeing that this thread is over 12 months old!

Flip

1 2 3 4