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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

cancelled plans on friend now she is ignoring me

91 replies

orangjuicelover · 11/03/2016 17:10

Maybe i am being unreasonable but.........

Today we made plans to meet up and go have something to eat, it was a short notice kind of thing.
I have been busy this week as i had just come off holiday two weeks ago and im catching up on bills/money matters/other stuff.
I booked to have my hair coloured and the hairdressers could only do it today so I cancelled the plans with my friend.
She messaged me back saying "ok cool"

It seemed blunt so i said to her i can meet her after the hairdressers and cancel to plumber who was meant to come in the afternoon and we can meet but she just said "no next week is fine"

I then asked her if she wanted to come wireless as the tickets were going on sale today and she has ignored me but has been seen on whatsapp. She just read it and ignored it.

Shes obviously pissed off, was I wrong here?

Im kind of guessing something is going on in her life which is negative because the day after I came back from holiday she was asking me to come out and before I left was complaining about her DP

OP posts:
MerdeAlor · 11/03/2016 18:12

Urgh, I know people like you, flakey as hell. Doesn't make for a good friendship.
Your sensitivity about this comes from feelings of guilt. Cancelling a friend to go to a hairdressers and willing to cancel a plumber - all on the same day?

bakeoffcake · 11/03/2016 18:13

Unless you sent a grovelling apology and explanation that this was the only day you could get your hair done in the foreseeable future, I think you were being rude to cancel. Especially as you've said you think something is going on with her.

She's probably really disappointed and pissed off with you.

Oysterbabe · 11/03/2016 18:14

She'll probably reply later. Why assume she's ignoring you?

LeaLeander · 11/03/2016 18:16

Longdiling nailed it. You want your cake and eat it too, OP. Can't say I blame the friend for backing off a bit.

Trollicking · 11/03/2016 18:16

VoldysGoneMouldy You have such a way with words. I'm pretty sure calling OPs 'twats' all the time is Hmm.

Muskateersmummy · 11/03/2016 18:17

Key for me is how did you cancel plans with the friend. Did you explain the only hair appointment was today, or did you just say sorry can't make it, got to have my hair done and the plumbers coming. I would be peeved if it was the latter. But would have understood more the former.

Did you ask her how things were with her? It's hard to know who was being U without context I think.

Gwenhwyfar · 11/03/2016 18:21

"in my job, it's in my contract that I cannot have roots... "

What? I thought those sorts of contract were illegal now apart from models and actresses. What do you do?

fatherpeeweestairmaster · 11/03/2016 18:23

gwenhwyfar I'm intrigued to know what thread that was supposed to be on!

sorenoggin · 11/03/2016 18:25

Some people on here have no idea how hard it is to get a hair appointment. I would happily let a friend cancel for hair even if I was having bad time

ifcatscouldtalk · 11/03/2016 18:28

Her texts to you fine. If someone cancelled on me at the last hour i'd be a bit irritated but get over it fast (unless it was a regular thing). I often don't reply to whatsapp instantly, that isn't a sign of having the hump. Not knowing you or your friend it's hard to say if shes annoyed or not.

Ameliablue · 11/03/2016 18:29

You cancelled your friend to have your hair coloured. YABU.

Greengardenpixie · 11/03/2016 18:30

I would be offended. I had a friend like this. She wasn't really a friend.

Seeyounearertime · 11/03/2016 18:30

don't mean to derail or ask a dumb question but:

I have been busy this week as i had just come off holiday two weeks ago and im catching up on bills/money matters/other stuff.

What on earth is going on your life that having a holiday takes 2 weeks to catch up on?
Bills, shouldn't they be set up and direct debit?
Money matters, organising a mortgage doesn't take 2 whole weeks?
Other stuff, like a holiday to get over the holiday?

If she wanted to meet up with you for those 2 weeks, as she evidently did:
because the day after I came back from holiday she was asking me to come out
and you brushed her off because you had so many direct debits to watch then i'm not surprised that she'd be annoyed when you cancel a planned meet up for something silly.

I dont mean to be rude but from her point of view, you're making excuses not to see her, some of them quite flimsy tbh.

gandalf456 · 11/03/2016 18:31

I don't mind people cancelling me to be honest but a hair appointment would raise my eyebrows. If that were me, I would have lied.

I think if you come straight back to me of another invitation I would have hesitated especially if you had a habit of cancelling because I would want to check that I was 100% free so it wouldn't matter.

I have a couple of friends who are always cancelling and it is annoying if you've made all your plans around them and have put other people off for them.

Something like a concert where I've got to buy tickets, I would have to think about. I'd be wondering if you are really going to go because I would definitely not want to have to fork out for something and end up having to find someone else to go with me or go on my own.

Vintage45 · 11/03/2016 18:34

Everything does seem a bit about YOU op.

Mrskeats · 11/03/2016 18:41

Yabu
Awful behaviour to a friend
Offering to cancel plumber makes it worse as it makes you look even more flakey
I'm self employed so have no time for people who mess me about either personally or professionally

OhGodNotAnotherUserName · 11/03/2016 18:48

You sound a bit self absorbed tbh OP. Everything seems to be about your priorities. I think your friends responses were fine, it seems a bit needy and OTT to think that she is 'ignoring' you because she has'nt got back in contact.

treaclesoda · 11/03/2016 18:49

If you had just said in the first place 'sorry, can't meet up' then I don't think it would be rude at all.

But agreeing to meet and then deciding to do something else instead seems pretty rude to me.

Friolero · 11/03/2016 18:57

I wouldn't be impressed if a friend cancelled on me so they could get their hair coloured. It's hardly essential is it!

Gobbolino6 · 11/03/2016 19:09

As a friend, this wouldn't bother me as a one off, but it would if there was a pattern of it.

MadamDeathstare · 11/03/2016 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 11/03/2016 19:12

I suppose she was looking forward to it.
I don't know if she has children, obviously, but might have arranged a baby sitter. It's horrible when you've psyched yourself up for something, and you get let down. Unless of course it's an emergency.
I think I'd be peeved too.
However in your defence. You did offer to cancel your appointment with the plumber, so you did try to rectify things

BuggersMuddle · 11/03/2016 19:15

I would be a bit peeved OK unless you had a really good reason for the urgent hairdressers appt. (I'm thinking along the lines of just been asked to a job interview / last minute communication of a formal event from DP). Otherwise it looks a bit flaky and tbh offering to cancel a booked tradesman at the last minute makes you look worse rather than better tbh.

That said, she's probably just busy / checking her diary.

CocktailQueen · 11/03/2016 19:17

msJamieFraser - what sort of job do you do that it's in your contract that you can't have roots? Am dying to know! Air hostess? Model?

Timri · 11/03/2016 19:22

Sod the roots. I want to know what types of bills take two solid weeks following a holiday to sort out?

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