About neighbours? Or a bit precious?

[NickyEds]

We rent a lovely house in a great village. I love it here and I absolutely don't want to fall out with my neighbours. The house has a garden and at the bottom a drive and garage. We don't have a car so the drive is only really used when we have family to visit. A few months ago one of our neighbours asked if he could leave some stuff on our drive for a couple of days. I said it was fine- the drive gives slightly easier access for them and we weren't using it that weekend.

So a couple of weeks ago we bumped into a different neighbour and he told us he'd be using our drive. His actual words were " we'll be using your drive for some building work. We've checked with your land lady and she says it's fine". I just feel like this is a bit out of line tbh but didn't say anything at the time as we were with friends. This morning huge amounts of building materials have been delivered onto the drive and there are builders mixing concrete etc there. As it happens we are having family to stay so would have used the drive. We would have probably said yes anyway but AIBU to think this is just a bit rude? Dp thinks I'm being precious.

You sound like you are being too nice OP.

I'm a little like you in that I'd be inwardly fuming but outwardly would smile at the neighbours but your LL really didn't have the right to agree to anything for a house you pay for.

Arf is so very very right.

What a cheek.

Put an advert on Gumtree for 20 tonnes of free aggregate for anyone willing to collect it today. Deny all knowledge.

Yes Arf that's how I feel- as though they have decided it amongst themselves. I fear a precedent was set in me letting our other neighbour use the drive. I just never imagined that the other neighbours would take the piss quite so much.

Dp would be absolutely mortified at the idea of causing any kind of fuss. He is unbelievably sensitive to strangers feelings, for example if he rang the bell to stop the bus by mistake, he'd get of at that stop anyway. He'll dwell or a very long time if he thinks he offended a waitress or bar man. We've fallen out before because I've complained about cold food/incomplete or wrong orders/slow service in a pub or cafe. He doesn't see the issue really, hence the AIBU.

What an absolute dick. You need to set him straight. Please use every legal means available to you.

You don't have to ask his permission to complain about being treated like this by someone you are paying. If he takes issue with your raising it, just don't engage. 'I disagree. So I'm making my feelings known.'

So if the choice is between you being disrespected, angry and inconvenienced, and your husband being mortified, he wins eh? Why are your feelings not deserving of equal consideration?

You are two separate people and if you take it up with your landlord or the neighbor, he can stay out of it if he chooses.

That is outrageous. I would borrow a car from someone, sit outside your house with the engine on and go to the idiot's house that has dumped their stuff asking them to move it so that you can park in your drive.

I have to say i sound exactly like your DH.
You have the perfect excuse to say
"You should have checked with us not the landlady, we need that space this weekend as we have guests staying"
Just smile and nod at his answer
"You really should check with us as it may be owned by Mrs x but we pay to use it and whilst normally it's not an issue it is this weekend"

He won't move it on your request, OP. Because he thinks you, a renter, is shit on his shoe. I wouldn't bother with him and go direct to your landlady, who seems to be under the impression she lives in the house still. If she comes back with 'But it's MY property, I can decide how it's used.' Then show her send her what Penfold wrote. She's breaching the agreement she signed with you.

I'm always keen to maintain a good relationship with the neighbours too. However, you must forget that for now because your neighbour doesn't care about you, probably , at least partly anyway, because you rent. Making this job easy on himself matters more to your neighbour at the moment, than any kind of friendliness with you. I don't think you can win the battle with the neighbour now so tell your ll that what has happened is not acceptable and if it is not resolved very soon then you will be paying her reduced rent (name an amount that you think is acceptable to you). This puts the onus onto the ll, she might be more keen to resolve things if she is losing out on money.

So I dropped round to see neighbour, he wasn't in so left a note asking him to come see me. I was quite polite and explained that we had guests coming to stay tomorrow and we needed the drive. Job won't be finished until Monday, possibly even Tuesday. He went to great lengths to make it clear that he knew my ll, they were friends, known her for years etc, I said I wasn't sure what that had to do with anything. His wife showed up and was much nicer and more reasonable, she said she'll pay the builder to work on Sunday. I explained that that wasn't necessary as it was tomorrow we need the drive for anyway, in any case I would be happy to help out had I been properly asked. The courtesy is more important than the bloody drive. She said she was very sorry but husband was still grumbling as they left. He'll "be having a word with ll"apparently. Messaged ll saying I'm not happy about how it's been handled and any such requests need to be run by me in future. Dp is mortified as predicted.

'Dp is mortified as predicted.'

So let him be. He's free to be the doormat he is. Doesn't mean you have to be.

I would make it very clear to LL that you do not appreciate the neighbour's attitude towards you, his belief that he has the right to do as he pleases on property you occupy via a tenancy agreement, a legal contract, as long as he speaks to her. That he was very high-handed and threatening, 'I'll be having a word with LL' and discourteous, and that you have serious concerns that the property you pay rent to occupy is thought of is community space in the neighbourhood.

Your LL has a fucking cheek.

Id be asking the ll how much reduction in rent you will be getting while she is subletting the drive and spoiling your quiet enjoyment of the property.
And ask her where your guests are supposed to park.

Good on you for having and using a spine, even if your DP is willing to be walked all over. One of you has to stand up for your household. You're in the right both morally and legally. Cheeky git, 'I'll be having a word with the landlady'!!! Unless those words involve offering to pay part of your rent this month he can do one.

oh how awful. I agree with ratspeaker and think you should definitely ask the LL this. What a cheek and how rude!

This is not ok, I would be cross, the landlady is a cheeky cow too, you pay the rent to live there, she can't just decide who can use the drive that your paying for, your neighbour is wrong as well for going straight to the landlady & not you, how bloody rude

What happens if drive is damaged by building work being conducted there? Who will be liable for damage op - you will as you are renting property. So I would get into ll or letting agent and inform them that these people are there and need to be removed and anything damaged made good now.

If the ll kicks off.
Say as being the reasonable person you are you are willing to compromise. In return for a reduction of £300 pcm you will give up any claim to use the drive as and when you want, and she wil be free to offer it freely to neighbors as and when with no interference from you. You will of course, being the nice
Neighbour you are let others know they can use it as and when they want at no additional cost.

Of course she won't like it. But then that's when you reiterate you are paying for this. It's up to you if you want to do neighbors favors. And like you said, if she wants
To do neighbors favors she can and reduce
Rent by £300 pcm. And she will take full responsilbity.

Well done, OP. The male neighbour sounds like a twat.

Well done you. Please ignore your DP who appears to be some sort of professional doormat.

Well done OP
We had a very similar situation when we were renting. Made me feel lower than low. A home should be your sanctuary.

Is shitty neighbour going to move it?

Well done OP! Completely agree that not being a doormat is important (I used to be one, my life is much better now that I'm not)

"the right to quiet enjoyment" - does anyone else think this is a brilliantly British legal phrase?

She doesn't live there anymore and it's not her house to make decisions on with neighbours - she can get involved and say " lovely mr x wants to use the drive do you mind?" But she can't decide for you.

She can't pop round and denude the garden of fruit either! What?

She can't decide as you don't have a car you don't need the drive etc! I've rented out properties and I'd be amazed if someone called me and asked I'd say " better ask x as they are renting it' clearly neighbour is pulling a fast one. Asshole.