To be furious with boyfriend (facebook)

[poppingcandy89]

Boyfriend and I are expecting a baby together, this is a relatively new relationship. He has not wanted to put anything on facebook yet, has very much been a 'Why is facebook so important?' kind of person - Fair enough. So as far as facebook is concerned, I feature nowhere on it. Again fine, never wanted to be one of those people obsessed with fb.

However! On Mother's Day, he posted a status highlighting how much he loves his own mother (lovely) and going on to praise his son's mother (previous relationship), tagging her and thanking her for giving him a gorgeous son.

I was fuming. I am a huge hormonal disaster at the moment so struggling to decide if I'm being totally unreasonable or not. But I feel unbelievably hurt that he has been very set on not mentioning me/us on there, not bringing mother's day up to me in any way and then doing that.

Totally open to being told I am being unreasonable, just go easy on me, as I said I am ridiculously hormonal at 20 weeks pregnant ;)

I like that you carrying his child is one thing, but acknowledging you on Facebook is, like, a REALLY BIG DEAL, man. You don't rush these things.

I'd feel exactly the same way as you do. YANBU.

I wish my brother had the tact not to plaster FB with posts about his new gf and baby on the way when they were supposedly only together a month when she fell pregnant and he had only left his previous partner right before "he met" the new woman and left his 3 month old baby to pursue. I still cringe when I think of it.

Listen I totally understand, you want him to proclaim to all that he has a new partner and baby on the way. But you haven't been together long and if you want the relationship to work out then the beginning,especially with you being pregnant, is important. There are other people involved who will be affected here. He has an ex wife, he has another child and family who have a relationship with both. You both need to make sure your relationship is stable and secure when getting involved with a previously married man with a child without the added pressure of a baby on the way. He's introduced you to all the important people in his life, he isn't hiding you. Maybe he just doesn't want to stick it on FB until the dust has settled and everyone involved are supportive and the baby is here and you are both safe and sound.

BTW im not trying to make you out to be the other woman but some idiots will still see you that way or be sneering as its early days in your relationship and he might not want to put you through that. Im with my dh 16 years, 6 months into our relationship we were both idiots and could get quite dramatic, we didn't have the pressure on us of a baby on the way and an ex and step child etc. Give your relationship and each other time. Dont try to rush things, especially rubbish like FB

It's hard to say really. I personally didn't put anything on Facebook about being pregnant as I wanted to ensure baby arrived safely. All important people knew we were expecting. I would be focusing on your baby and building a relationship with your dp rather than worrying about Facebook.

Sorry for late response, I am a teacher and don't get a second to catch my breath during the day!!

I am 26. Boyfriend split from his ex 4 years ago so it's not 'fresh' and they have a good relationship, she is with a long-term partner. Also worth mentioning his son lives on the other side of the world, so this baby isn't going to have much impact of his day-to-day life (boyfriend's ex moved back to her home country after their split)

I think it is quite possibly a case of he is embarrassed by me becoming pregnant so quickly. And yes we were stupid I will hold up my hands. I am not naive, I also have a son and am fully aware of the challenges children bring.

I think part of my insecurity comes from my ex having left me during my pregnancy with my son. Me and partner are not yet living together as there is some distance between us. He has just been offered a job in my city and we are currently looking for somewhere to live so in terms of 'real life' that's a big commitment on his part.

We both have said our fear is splitting as we each already have a child to someone else, he has been clear he can't stand the thought of not seeing another child on a daily basis (he had a breakdown when his ex moved away) and I don't want to go through single motherhood again. That's when he says he wants us to build this strong 'foundation' first, as he knows people will judge us.

That's when he says he wants us to build this strong 'foundation' first, as he knows people will judge us.

If he's hurt you and he knows it then he is putting his feelings of not wanting to be judged, above your feelings of needing to be loved and secure.

If people are going to judge him they will, regardless of how long he keeps this quiet... And if he loves you and wants to make a go of it then he shouldn't care what anyone says anyway.

Going to be alot of pressure learning to live together, him developing a relationship with your son and you. You can only try my advice would be not too put loads of pressure on yourselves.

If you are buying, make sure the property is in joint names and if renting, contract is in both names. If he won't agree to this, don't give up your independent home because you will be homeless if you split up.

Op - there is no point being paranoid and fearful of splitting because if you're not compatible in the long run there's not much you can do. Why don't you try to take things as they come for now?