Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious with boyfriend (facebook)

83 replies

poppingcandy89 · 09/03/2016 22:17

Boyfriend and I are expecting a baby together, this is a relatively new relationship. He has not wanted to put anything on facebook yet, has very much been a 'Why is facebook so important?' kind of person - Fair enough. So as far as facebook is concerned, I feature nowhere on it. Again fine, never wanted to be one of those people obsessed with fb.

However! On Mother's Day, he posted a status highlighting how much he loves his own mother (lovely) and going on to praise his son's mother (previous relationship), tagging her and thanking her for giving him a gorgeous son.

I was fuming. I am a huge hormonal disaster at the moment so struggling to decide if I'm being totally unreasonable or not. But I feel unbelievably hurt that he has been very set on not mentioning me/us on there, not bringing mother's day up to me in any way and then doing that.

Totally open to being told I am being unreasonable, just go easy on me, as I said I am ridiculously hormonal at 20 weeks pregnant ;)

OP posts:
RudeElf · 09/03/2016 23:55

He might be embarrassed but tough. He's an adult, he co-created the situation. He needs to own it, announce it and get it over and done with. I speak as someone who got pregnant first week of relationship. Yes its very embarrassing being 10 weeks pregnant when you've only been together 8 weeks. We survived. Tell him to get it out there and grow up.

LeaLeander · 10/03/2016 00:03

HeddaGarbled and Trollicking make a good deal of sense.

Boyfriend is not obligated to do anything other than pay the legally required child maintenance. I would be spending less time worrying about what's on Facebook and more worried about coping with single motherhood for the next two decades. Or does his definition of "perfect" include marriage vows? Perhaps he is waiting until you are married to acknowledge you to his circle of family and friends on Facebook? Has he suggested marriage or living together?

EveOnline2016 · 10/03/2016 00:10

I can't see nothing wrong, but there again I don't have my DH in which we have been together 12 years as a Facebook friend.

He has introduced you to his family and friends so he is not hiding you from them.

BreatheandFlyAway · 10/03/2016 00:21

Did you 'forget' to take the pill?

Did the dp 'forget' to stick on a condom?

IHaveBrilloHair · 10/03/2016 00:32

New relationship, Facebook, Stepchild, Mother, pregnancy.
Sort it out now, this is not going to get easier or better.

Move2WY · 10/03/2016 08:48

He thinks its more importnat to build foundations for facebook than it is to have a baby??

Katenka · 10/03/2016 08:58

I have fb, but don't use it much.

I put something in fb about mum because I knew she would appreciate it.

It's something I did for her.

Possibly he knew his mum and ex would appreciate it.

Personally I think Yabu.

Iggypoppie · 10/03/2016 09:11

Why do we all need to "announce" things on Facebook? Is it the law now? I am 19wks pg and am telling people when I see them. My Facebook is still just for political rants and cute animal pictures...

Lelania · 10/03/2016 09:14

Of course yanbu. I'd he's goingoing to mention his first child he should mention his second.

pictish · 10/03/2016 09:18

I think he doesn't want to appear feckless and irresponsible having a baby with someone he was only seeing for a matter of weeks before she was pregnant.

Damselindestress · 10/03/2016 09:23

Iggypoppie You don't have to announce things on Facebook but I think the problem here is that the OP's boyfriend doesn't just use Facebook for political rants and cute animal pictures but to communicate with friends and family and publicly acknowledge and thank his ex for giving him a son but hasn't even mentioned that he is expecting another child with his new girlfriend. It sounds like he did a post about the mothers in his life on mother's day, his own mother and the mother of his child, but left out the mother-to-be expecting his baby when it would have been an obvious time to mention her. If he didn't talk about personal stuff on Facebook it would be different but he does and just hasn't mentioned his girlfriend or that he is expecting a baby.

mmmuffins · 10/03/2016 09:28

YABU. Perhaps I'm a minority but I would not consider you to be a mother, so no reason to be mentioning you on mother's day.

expatinscotland · 10/03/2016 09:30

He's still married? I'd be more worried about this than FB.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 10/03/2016 10:24

YANBU to be upset that he's denying your existence on fb when he obviously does use it for personal announcements and messages.

YABU to be upset about his messages to his DM and his ex but I have the feeling they wouldn't have upset you so much if he had joyfully announced your pregnancy on fb and added a happy-mother-to-be message for you.

I'm sorry but I'm also not buying the 'he's embarrassed/it's all new' You've been together for 6 months. This is important to you and fb is obviously important to him. Your lives are never going to be perfect and it flys a little red flag to me that he's implying you, the baby and the relationship need to meet certain standards before he acknowledges you. Tell him to fuck off with his demands for perfect. You both got into this situation. I'm finding his actions less than perfect and you should be too but crying about it isn't going to change it. Have a serious talk about your plans for the future. I have a fear that fb is going to be the least of your worries.

GooseberryRoolz · 10/03/2016 10:24

Where's OP gone?

MidnightAura · 10/03/2016 10:29

Yanbu!

It sounds like he's perhaps a little embarrassed at the speed of your relationship. That said its done now and no matter when he announced it people will do the maths.

I don't agree with those saying no reason to mention op on Mother's Day. She's a mother to be, she's pregnant with his child and I think it's only fitting he mentions her even if it's just an acknowledgement.

Fuzz01 · 10/03/2016 10:40

Personally i think people display far too much information on fb. I never announced or posted scan pictures on fb and documented my pregnancies at length. My friends brothers dp documented her full pregnancy journey throughout and unfortunately the baby was born asleep was awful. He has every right to meantion his mother and ex who he fathered his 6 year old with he might simply not want to tempt fate by disclosing a unborn baby until its actually here and theres nothing wrong with that. FB isn't the issue here. Your insecure because you are having a baby to man barely know ( i'm guilty of the same thing with my ex only he had cancer when he was younger and didn't think he would be able to convince naturally).

I think your DP is most likely being very careful given he has a 6 year old to consider aswell and he is still getting to know you let alone introducing you and a new addition to his DS seems very rushed, so i can understand he might need to go at his own pace. Imagine explaining to a six year old he has a new partner but also another baby on the way?

Do you currently live together?

GoldQuintessenceAndMyrrh · 10/03/2016 10:46

Blimey, I go away for a few months, click back in on mn, on this thread, and never have I seen a bigger mix of idiotic opinions.

Sallyingforth · 10/03/2016 10:48

I think it's only fitting he mentions her even if it's just an acknowledgement.

But his real life behaviour with the two women currently in it is far less than 'fitting'. Why should he behave any better on Facebook?

OP if you are still reading this I'm very sorry to read about your situation. I just hope the guy is going to be earning enough to support his various children.

HackerFucker22 · 10/03/2016 10:58

Are you happy being a secret OP?

diddl · 10/03/2016 11:03

Op's not a secret!

His friends & family know about her!

AyeAmarok · 10/03/2016 11:06

If I was pregnant, I'd be absolutely RAGING if someone decided to announce my pregnancy on FB as part of a mother's day gush.

Wait until the baby is here safely at least, if you really must post something like that.

But I guess we're all different.

diddl · 10/03/2016 11:10

Me too Aye

Can't think of anything worse tbh.

AliceThrewTheFookingGlass · 10/03/2016 11:11

I never posted anything even hinting about either of my pregnancies on Facebook. I just wouldn't have coped with having to tell everyone if the worst was to happen. It was hard enough just telling the select few friends who already knew that I was pregnant that I had had a first trimester MC. I've seen far too many heartbreaking 'I didn't want to have to write this but people are asking questions and I'm sad to say that...' I would just hate to be in that position and have to deal with peoples questions and pity. Perhaps your boyfriend feels the same?

DixieNormas · 10/03/2016 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.