Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To be furious with boyfriend (facebook)

83 replies

poppingcandy89 · 09/03/2016 22:17

Boyfriend and I are expecting a baby together, this is a relatively new relationship. He has not wanted to put anything on facebook yet, has very much been a 'Why is facebook so important?' kind of person - Fair enough. So as far as facebook is concerned, I feature nowhere on it. Again fine, never wanted to be one of those people obsessed with fb.

However! On Mother's Day, he posted a status highlighting how much he loves his own mother (lovely) and going on to praise his son's mother (previous relationship), tagging her and thanking her for giving him a gorgeous son.

I was fuming. I am a huge hormonal disaster at the moment so struggling to decide if I'm being totally unreasonable or not. But I feel unbelievably hurt that he has been very set on not mentioning me/us on there, not bringing mother's day up to me in any way and then doing that.

Totally open to being told I am being unreasonable, just go easy on me, as I said I am ridiculously hormonal at 20 weeks pregnant ;)

OP posts:

PennyHasNoSurname · 09/03/2016 22:54

He has a six year old son. Maybe he wants to wait until nearer the birth to let his son know so keeping it more private is the sensible option for now so he can ensuee his son doesnt hear about it from someone else?

GooseberryRoolz · 09/03/2016 22:56

He says he wants us to be 'perfect' before...

That^ would worry me a little, though. Isn't he too old to believe in 'perfect'? Especially where babies etc are concerned?

GooseberryRoolz · 09/03/2016 22:57

(I mean that life and relationships are never perfect and that babies are hard work, not that babies aren't perfect.)

GinBunny · 09/03/2016 23:00

Sounds like he's still trying to get his head around how quickly things have progressed with the new relationship and pregnancy and isn't quite there yet to announce it. And maybe there are issues with the ex and he's trying to show he won't be less of a dad when there is a new born.
I wouldn't worry OP, FB does make people overthink in my experience!

AyeAmarok · 09/03/2016 23:02

I think he's just embarrassed that he's got a baby on the way with someone he was only with for a matter of weeks and knows it make him look irresponsible. But he'll look much more strange presenting the FB world with another child when he has "no partner" (to the FB world).

Plus, when the baby is born, people might think it's his ex's and his, especially if he's gushing about her on FB

I don't think he's thought this through...

FlowersAndShit · 09/03/2016 23:05

Did you 'forget' to take the pill?

DrFoxtrot · 09/03/2016 23:06

Trollicking · 09/03/2016 23:09

Sorry but I think YABU but I think it's unsuprisingly that you are upset.

I think the reason that you are worrying about it is that it is such a new relationship and that you are understandably feeling uncertain and insecure.

If you are going to try and make this work you need to be as sensible and rational as possible (not easy when you are pregnant ). You and your boyfriend both need to be as kind and patient with each other as possible.

If I were you I would stop thinking about it and concerntrate on looking after yourself and on other aspects of your 'real life' relationship. I think you would be happier if you just let this go. It's irritating but it doesn't actually matter. It's sad that this has been an issue for a few months considering you've only been dating for 6 months ,

I'd be more worried if he hadn't introduced you to his close friends and family.

I'm curious how old you are?

hownottofuckup · 09/03/2016 23:10

Oh look Lealander's back. Joy. Better watch out OP

hownottofuckup · 09/03/2016 23:12

Yay and Flower's too!

RudeElf · 09/03/2016 23:18

theyre tag teaming again how

wavingnow · 09/03/2016 23:20

It's just words on facebook which is for flashing/quick and easy to please some people. What he is like with you at home is the real deal so if you are happy don't bother with what he possibly feels he has to post to keep them happy.

FlowersAndShit · 09/03/2016 23:21

Maybe i'm just a cynical bastard but I don't get how you can spend most of your life preventing pregnancy, then as soon as you are in a new relationship, after just 1 month BAM, pregnant.

hownottofuckup · 09/03/2016 23:23

I really hope it's just the one person tag teaming with themself Elf
I stepped away from the other thread earlier but was glad to see it got zapped.

RudeElf · 09/03/2016 23:26

Yes was glad to see that too. It was vile in parts.

Yesvember · 09/03/2016 23:27

Good heavens at the very judgemental people! Blimey.

I don't use facebook but can see why you're upset about this, I would be too.

ridemesideways · 09/03/2016 23:30

Yanbu. He's acting like he's ashamed of you and his unborn baby. You are also a mother, you have a baby inside you. Don't believe you are not important. Belated happy mother's day popping

HeddaGarbled · 09/03/2016 23:37

He doesn't want to acknowledge your relationship with him nor your impending mutual child publicly. I'm not surprised that you are upset. Presumably the pregnancy was a mistake?

I would be very wary of relying on him as a long term partner. He will have to pay maintenance for the child but it's highly likely that you and him won't last. Make sure that you have support from other people - family and friends - available and don't give up work or move into his house so that you are financially dependent upon him.

You may be lucky and the relationship work out long term but you can't rely on it. He's mature enough to know that casual sexual relationships often don't last (though apparently too inept to sort out proper contraception).

Facebook is a trivial side issue except that it's alerted you to the fact that he's not convinced that your relationship is going to go the distance.

ShmooBooMoo · 09/03/2016 23:38

Really don't want to be judgmental but getting pregnant a month or two into a relationship seems odd to me - how could you have even got to know each other enough to bring a child into the world in that short time?

angielou123 · 09/03/2016 23:46

Men sometimes are not as connected to an unborn baby as the mother, so he might not have even put 2 and 2 together regarding you and mothers day. I think the fact he acknowledged his childs mother on the day shows he has some sort of feelings so all hope is not lost.

RudeElf · 09/03/2016 23:47

Aww look at those big doe eyes

SoThatHappened · 09/03/2016 23:48

Is it possible he is with anyone else? Hence why he wont acknowledge you?

What was he like in the month or two before you became pregnant? Had he introduced you to friends? Dating you regularly?

If you are not friends on facebook, how can you see his posts?

Trollicking · 09/03/2016 23:49

Isn't there a huge difference between the boyfriend being embarrassed by the OP and him being embarrassed about having got someone pregnant after 6 weeks dating?
One is being embarrassed about a person and one is being embarrassed about a situation.

I don't think it's wrong for him to feel like a twit for getting the OP pregnant after 6 weeks.

AyeAmarok · 09/03/2016 23:50

The OP didn't self-impregnate you know. The boyfriend who "isn't sure" had a fair bit of involvement too.

SoThatHappened · 09/03/2016 23:53

He might be shocked at the situation, however he only has 20 weeks or less to announce it. Surely it will look worse that he announces he is going to be a father again in only a few weeks time, assuming he leaves it along time.

Does no one even know about you yet OP? If you hadnt before had you met friends now?

Flip

1 2 3 4