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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Makeup AIBU

112 replies

Tryingtostayyoung · 09/03/2016 17:22

My DD age 4 went to play at one of friends houses from nursery and when I went to pick her up had makeup all over her face, obviously not properly the children had done it themselves. Took me by surprise as I've never allowed her to do that before and didn't actually like it, AIBU? What age would you have allowed that?

OP posts:
Arpege · 09/03/2016 19:51

Yes the baby thing was random and irrelevant

Vintage45 · 09/03/2016 19:54

Maybe I do sort of get the not wanting your little girl to grow up and stay young thing OP and as you stated your partner certainly didn't like it (very typical annoying man thing), but really it's no biggy.

GruntledOne · 09/03/2016 19:56

I really don't see the issue. At that age I was scuffing around in my mother's heels, no-one thought I was trying to be inappropriately grown-up. Most play is "unnecessary" when you think about it, there is nothing more nor less necessary about having lipstick smeared on a small child's face.

wigglesrock · 09/03/2016 20:00

My 5 year old copies me all the time - she copies me driving, copies me cooking, copies me by getting dressed herself, copies me using the computer, copies me reading, copies me drawing, copies me sticking petrol in the car, copies me cursing and she copies me doing the odd bit of makeup. To her it's playing at being me. Both my elder daughters did it when they were playing at that age, it hasn't let them into a realm of heading to school with a "full face" on. Neither of them showed much of an interest past 6 or so. My eldest faffs about with the odd bit of lip gloss now.

If kids come to my house to play they play with the stuff my child has in their room, it wouldn't occur me to police what toys another child plays with if it hadn't been raised in advance by a parent.

Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 09/03/2016 20:01

Yeah do totally think that most daddies would dislike it and don't get me wrong if I'm doing my makeup and she grabs my brush and puts a bit of blusher on I don't think it's the end of the world, it wipes off but I just think that 4 IMO is abit little to be sitting around playing with makeup.

OP posts:
passmethewineplease · 09/03/2016 20:02

YABU OP.

It's role play, what do you think could happen?

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 09/03/2016 20:02

I don't know if it is imaginative play though. I think they're mirroring the behaviour of adults, which is fine to a degree, it's part of them understanding the world. The fact is, the behaviour they are trying to mimic is not something I would like to encourage. It's basically using make-up to improve appearance. As in this case, blusher, lipstick, eyeshadow (face painting is different) In our image obsessed world, that's not something I like to encourage in small children.

Vintage45 · 09/03/2016 20:04

I like a bit of enhancement myself Grin

Arpege · 09/03/2016 20:08

Imaginative play IS mirroring adults. That's the whole point of it.

You see it as improving appearance with all that that entails. That's your hang up. A child just sees it for what it is - copying mummy.

Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 09/03/2016 20:14

I think that if any parent on here is happy to let their DD or DS play with makeup that is absolutely fine and upto them BUT I think using the reasoning that they are just copying what we do, it's just role play etc is silly because nobody on here would be happy with their child for instance copying their language? Just because I do something doesn't mean I particularly want my 4 year old copying me.

OP posts:
Vintage45 · 09/03/2016 20:22

Maybe given how upset you and your husband seem by it then don't send your child there again for a playdate? I certainly hope you don't "have a word" with the parent, actually thinking about it, if you did then they probably would invite her. Your problem solved.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 09/03/2016 20:22

Just imagine, a face full of make up and swearing like a trooper. Grin

Yes I probably am projecting my hang ups onto this thread Arpege I just hate children being made aware of their own appearance at too young an age. I appreciate that for most it is just playing and copying mummy in an innocent way.

JuxtapositionRecords · 09/03/2016 20:24

Obviously it's your child so if you are not happy with it you have every right to be annoyed.

Personally it wouldn't bother me, my DD is similar age to yours and I often let her raid my make up. I also paint her nails though when she asks and I'm sure I will get flamed for that.

Arpege · 09/03/2016 20:27

But you're talking about copying bad behaviour (swearing) and copying something completely normal (using make up).

The parallel you are drawing is false.

Does your DD like to clomp around in your shoes? Do you stop her because it isn't appropriate? Because my heels are also part of "improving yourself so that men think you're sexy" (if that's how you want to see it). My DD clomps about because she likes copying me and thinks it's funny, not because she wants to look sexy. And I let her because it IS funny and there's no harm in it.

Arpege · 09/03/2016 20:30

And if you don't want your 4 year old copying you because wearing make up is undesirable (as you seem to think it is unfeminist in some way? Making yourself sexy in an unpowerful way?) then why the hell are you wearing it?

Swearing is undesirable and for that reason I don't want my child copying me, fair enough. But then it's on me to make sure that the language isn't there to copy in the first place failed there then

Practice what you preach.

OldestStory · 09/03/2016 20:32

YABU. It's just fun, lots of children, boys and girls do it.

Both dd and dd have played with makeup, it's no big deal

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 09/03/2016 20:38

I agree, but you do have to draw the line somewhere. For example, I wouldn't let my child go to school rocking a red lip so I don't think it's too much to ask to wipe makeup off before mum collects you from a playdate at the very least.
I admit you've probably got a better argument than me as to regards to playing with makeup at home.

Arpege · 09/03/2016 20:40

Not having the makeup wiped off before home time is a different argument.

I would mind DD playing with makeup, but I'd want them to make sure she was cleanish for home, same as if she'd been smearing mud round her face again

And letting your child play with make up is totally different to letting them go to school in red lipstick!

I think you need to sort out in your head what it really is that you don't like

Arpege · 09/03/2016 20:41

wouldnt

Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 09/03/2016 20:42

I have never said that there is something wrong with children playing with makeup though which you would know if you read the post properly. I have continuously said that I just feel that 4 is too young, just like there's other things that we may feel our children are to young to do, 6ish would feel more appropriate to me. I suppose it's all relative to the individual.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 09/03/2016 20:44

My post was more to find out if other people let their children at that age or not as I have never come across the situation before as young as this and wasn't sure if I was different or the other mother was.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 09/03/2016 20:46

Oh and Vintage45 I wouldn't "have a word with the mother" because I don't particularly think she did anything wrong, I think we just parent differently in this instant BUT I would have appreciated a little text beforehand to just check as she physically gave it to them.

OP posts:
Arpege · 09/03/2016 20:47

I wouldn't text. What fun is a play date if you have to text before you get the toys out?

mrsmugoo · 09/03/2016 20:48

My 2 year old boy is fascinated by watching me do my makeup - he'd love the chance to have a go! If it wasn't for the fact he'd utterly trash my makeup if I let him - really what is the harm?

LifeofI · 09/03/2016 20:50

The only issue i see is the other parent not wiping it off after.

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