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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to have said NO to ds coming home?

85 replies

waffilyversati1e · 07/03/2016 13:49

Maybe I am being too harsh. DS' head of year has just called. DS is 14 and has had his jabs today, he had been absolutely dreading them.
Head of year called to say that DS was sitting in the year office complaining of feeling achey and tired because of the jabs. He only had then 2 hours ago.. I said I was sorry to hear that but how could I help? Teacher said that DS felt he needed to come home.

Now, school have (rightly) a strict policy when it comes to absence and I said I really think its psychosomatic because of the anxiety he had been feeling yesterday but obviously if he needs to come home I will come get him but its only an hour and a bit until the end of school so couldn't he just sit somewhere quietly?
The teacher was trying to stifle her laughter as we were talking so I am 99.9% sure he is trying it on but if she thought that why would they call me at all?! (I am at home not at work thankfully so I can just go get him if needed)

OP posts:

MadamDeathstare · 07/03/2016 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

waffilyversati1e · 07/03/2016 15:08

No I am not trying to teach him that I am smarter than him?!
I am trying to teach him that his education is important? That flaking out because you feel a bit achey is not something he can do with my backing? If I thought he was actually ill I would be off like a shot but frankly, I didn't.

He knows that unless he is infectious or its serious he goes to school. He isn't a small child, if he was actually ill he 100% would have stood his ground, I could hear in his voice that he was chancing his arm.

OP posts:

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 07/03/2016 15:10

I would have gone running into school screaming "MY BABY! MUMMY IS HERE SON!"
My ds hates me

GoblinLittleOwl · 07/03/2016 15:10

The teacher called you because if she hadn't and your son arrived home complaining of feeling ill you would (possibly) have been straight on to Mumsnet denouncing her for child neglect.

She was covering herself, and if you read half the posts on here referring to teachers' treatment of children, you will see why.

Original poster

waffilyversati1e · 07/03/2016 15:10

she didn't say "come and get him" she said "he feels like he would like to come home"

I asked what the response would be from the school should I call tomorrow to say he cannot attend because of the reasons she just gave and she said "I don't think that we would be very sympathetic, its not really a good enough reason to miss classes", I said in that case he can stay unless anything changes and then just crash if he feels rough when he gets home

OP posts:

nearlyhellokitty · 07/03/2016 15:12

Please do what Lois suggests! he'll never try it again

squoosh · 07/03/2016 15:13

Yes and throw in a few smooshy 'mummy' kisses for the full treatment!

paxillin · 07/03/2016 15:14

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve . Imagining you running into school office waving a 14yo's blankie.

2016IsANewYearforMe · 07/03/2016 15:14

Lois, you are my hero!

budgiegirl · 07/03/2016 15:14

If I thought he was actually ill I would be off like a shot but frankly, I didn't

I guess that's the point then, isn't it? You know what he is like, whether he would generally pull a stunt like this. Has he done this sort of thing before?

With my kids, they've only ever asked to come home when they've been genuinely ill. Its happened maybe three times in 11 years between 3 kids. So I know if the school calls, then the kids are really feeling bad. I go as soon as the school calls. I guess if they had pulled a fast one in the past, then I'd be a bit more reluctant.

Original poster

waffilyversati1e · 07/03/2016 15:14

Lois that really is genius

OP posts:

BackforGood · 07/03/2016 15:15

Love it Lois

However, I too would have said "well I suggest he goes into his lesson where he will be distracted by having to concentrate on that and not have too much time to think he'd like to come home". It would not be a reason for an early exit in this house, although, by 14 they wouldn't even have bothered trying tbh as they know missing school isn't really an option unless at death's door.

BlueEyesAndDarkChocolate · 07/03/2016 15:15

Poor sod.

budgiegirl · 07/03/2016 15:16

Ha ha ha Lois, funniest thing I've heard in ages!

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 07/03/2016 15:17

Smooshy kisses and blankie you say? Mwahaha

Sadik · 07/03/2016 15:19

Your DS' school is obviously much more sympathetic than dd's We've had a call to pick her up twice, the first time she'd been sick, the second time she'd fainted in class.

(Mind you, DD had DTP booster & meningitis jabs on Friday, and was feverish and pretty ill overall Saturday even to the extent of going to bed early . . . )

MymbleMother · 07/03/2016 15:24

I wouldn't have gone either, YANBU.

Lois, I like the cut of your jib. My DCs call me "Mrs Goldberg" as apparently, the similarities are startling. I keep telling myself they mean it affectionately...

MadameDePompom · 07/03/2016 15:30

I adore Beverley Goldberg!

MeMySonAndl · 07/03/2016 15:31

I stand on the fence on this one...

I got a call like that a couple of years ago, when the receptionist told me that DS said he was feeling unwell and wanted to go home, she also told me that she thought he was making it up (in front of him).

To be honest, the school's receptionist has a well deserved reputation as the meanest person in the school, so I went to pick DS up because I didn't like the comment but didn't want to let the cow take the pleasure of sending him back to the classroom as mu my didn't care. I was ready to tell him off on the way home but I took my time to get there.

As soon as I passed through the door, she told me "He is faking it!". To prove both of us wrong, DS turned around and vomited all over her desk and the carpet.

I know it is wrong, but I still smile when I think about it. She deserved it.

Katenka · 07/03/2016 15:33

Our school has a code

'She says she thinks she needs to come home' is 'she is probably faking but I am obliged to call you.'

And

'You need to come get her' is 'she is really ill and you must come for her'

MrsJayy · 07/03/2016 15:34

Beverly is hilarious Dds boyfriend mum is just like Beverly

tealoveryum · 07/03/2016 15:34

YANBU, it's only an hour and a half. If it was earlier in the morning, I would have asked them to ring me an hour or two later to see if he'd worsened but it's more likely it's psychosomatic. In our school everyone would have been off if we'd been allowed to call our parents, kids were having hot flushes and tiredness purely because we were all winding each other up and egging each other on.

It's a bit like when someone says 'nits', everyone starts scratching their head. (Apologies if anyone does actually start scratching).

There's a small chance he isn't feeling great because he may already be incubating a cold or something and the immune response is bringing it out but If he is really coming down with something he'll be worse tonight and he can get some food ad sleep it off. Then see how he is in the morning.

PandasRock · 07/03/2016 15:35

Only you know your child OP.

I'd be likely to go and get mine, but then mine don't have a track record for chancing it. If they say they are ill, then they are.

As I type I have dd1 (nearly 12) lying on the sofa with me - we got to school this morning, and as she was getting out of the car I asked if she felt OK as she looked awful. She said no, and asked to go home.

And so we did. Because she has never asked not to go to school before. And she is ill (she has also never stayed still for more than 5 minutes in her life, and has been resting now for hours).

Only you know whether your ds is likely to be taking the piss or not.

Katenka · 07/03/2016 15:35

I would have gone running into school screaming "MY BABY! MUMMY IS HERE SON!"

Love this!!!

MymbleMother · 07/03/2016 15:45

Oh I'm pleased there is love for Mrs Goldberg! I must confess I haven't seen a full episode but whenever I go into a room when DC/DH are watching it, they look at me and start laughing.

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