AIBU to have said NO to ds coming home?

[waffilyversati1e]

Maybe I am being too harsh. DS' head of year has just called. DS is 14 and has had his jabs today, he had been absolutely dreading them.
Head of year called to say that DS was sitting in the year office complaining of feeling achey and tired because of the jabs. He only had then 2 hours ago.. I said I was sorry to hear that but how could I help? Teacher said that DS felt he needed to come home.

Now, school have (rightly) a strict policy when it comes to absence and I said I really think its psychosomatic because of the anxiety he had been feeling yesterday but obviously if he needs to come home I will come get him but its only an hour and a bit until the end of school so couldn't he just sit somewhere quietly?
The teacher was trying to stifle her laughter as we were talking so I am 99.9% sure he is trying it on but if she thought that why would they call me at all?! (I am at home not at work thankfully so I can just go get him if needed)

[PestilentialCat]

I wouldn't go & get him if he were mine. DS knows if I'm at work then it's tough really!

[paxillin]

Teacher said that DS felt he needed to come home. If teacher agreed with him she would have said "I feel he needs to go home". Saying it as she has means she agrees with you.

Sometimes the correct response to "I am feeling a bit achey and tired" is "oh dear, it can be trying, now let's work". Meanie? Maybe, I would be, too on this occasion.

Mild discomfort is no excuse to go home, that way lies manflu, look at the threads about that and congratulate yourself on a superb effort to nip it in the bud on behalf of a future DIL and gc. They won't have to watch the indignity of dh or ddad suffering the end of all days when he catches a cold.

[MyLocal]

I wouldn't have collected mine at 14 under those circumstances either. But I am the sort that I would send mine to school if they pretended theywere ill. I would wave them and off with a "you'll be fine when you get there, and school will ring me if you get any worse". School never did call.

[toldmywrath]

Oh I read the thread title & thought it was going to be about refusing DS coming back home to live (ie in his 20's & living away for a while & now wants to return)I was interested in that & other people's reactions I would love to see one of my DC moving out

[SoupDragon]

Mild discomfort is no excuse to go home, that way lies manflu

And if the child trying it on is a girl? What does that lead to?

[toldmywrath]

OP I'd have probably gone to get them, but I'm a softie. I didn't realise that children got worked up about their jabs though, so I guess I've been lucky with my DC. Is it the thought of the needle itself or the pain in the arm after? (Just curious)

[CrazyMary]

YABU

[paxillin]

Womanflu, Soupdragon? I know some women who cannot work through the slightest bit of thirst/ discomfort/ sniffy nose, too. It is more common in men though, hence the name.

[budgiegirl]

but its only an hour and a bit until the end of school so couldn't he just sit somewhere quietly?

But if he's going to do that, he might as well sit quietly at home, rather than school staff having to keep an eye on him. Especially as you are at home anyway.

I think YABU (assuming he doesn't have a history of this kind of thing). It could be psychosomatic, or it could be real, but either way it presumably feels real to him.

[RaptorInaPorkPieHat]

It's like a crowd mentality toldmywrath they all whip each other into a frenzy and the older kids tell them all bullshit stories about how x amount fainted the year before blah blah blah and then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

After the last time, I resolved myself to book DD into the Drs for the ones she has left, it's far less stressful (for both me and her).

[NewLife4Me]

I'd have gone straight away no matter what, but that's just me
I was always there in 10 mins as soon as I got the call.
Now, I would set out immediately as well, but it would take me 45 mins.

[Champagneformyrealfriends]

I wouldn't have been allowed to pull a stunt like that as a child and i certainly do not think that YABU.

He's 14- not a baby.

[camaleon]

He is 14, and I would trust his judgement and collect him. If it was not serious enough, I would have a word with him about this and how it undermines mutual trust.
Not sure what lesson you are trying to teach him here... that you are smarter than him?

[Katedotness1963]

I'd have picked mine up. They don't try to pull this kind of thing so if they said they felt ill I'd believe them. Some people do feel awful after jabs and I wouldn't fancy sitting in a classroom feeling out of sorts myself.

[squoosh]

Nah I wouldn't have picked him up. He's 14 not 4!

[paxillin]

Maybe she's trying to teach him that something clearly not infectious or serious is no reason to come home. In RL, most people have to continue normal service when a teensy bit unwell. 14 is old enough to do this, too. A 4 year old would have been indulged by me in this situation, a 14 year old can learn a little resilience.

[PortobelloRoad]

I wouldn't have gone to get him either. If he has anxiety/a fear of injections, you going to get him just reinforces that, that they're terrible etc.

When people have anxiety, you're not supposed to reassure or reinforce it.

If he's coddled after this round of injections, it will be worse next time.

It's not mean, it's doing him a favor.

[ivykaty44]

The absence will not count against the school after registration took place after lunch?

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

Off thread - I'm curious - what does a 14 yr old have jabs for? I know that the girls get HPV but I'd assume rubella booster is done around 12?

[LizzieMacQueen]

They are quite strong the vaccines aren't they? There have been several faintings at my kids' school so I probably would have erred on the safe side and collected him.

[LizzieMacQueen]

Ours was the Men C vaccine.

[BlueEyesAndDarkChocolate]

When I read your post, I assumed you were at work!

But you're at home. So, what's the point in making him sit in a school corridor (missing lesson), when he could be at home (missing lesson).

I'll never "get" Mum's like this. Really mean, just for the sake of it.

[squoosh]

She's not being mean for the sake of it!

[BurningBridges]

As far as I know if a teacher says "I feel he needs to come home" he/she is saying they are concerned and don't want the responsibility if anything happens. My DD age 12 had a jab earlier this year (so year 8), she had a severe reaction but no one at the school could recognise it as they had no training (they didn't even know what vaccine she'd been given) but neither did I, she had problems with her eyesight which is a red flag (I know now). She was off school and it was reported on a yellow card (vaccine safety), now she can't have any more jabs at school.

Schools hate sending kids home, if they say come and get him, think on.