Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to send DS to school without breakfast

86 replies

BreakfastMuffin · 07/03/2016 10:02

We're trying to eat healthier and this morning DS (11 yo) came down to breakfast and asked for a double chocolate muffin (what he usually eats) I said we haven't got any and explained that we are going to stop buying them so often as they're not a healthy option. I offered him toast, cereal, grapefruit, porridge. No, it had to be a chocolate muffin OR one of those hot microwave chocolate pot desserts with chocolate middle.. I said no, you're not having it as it's for after dinner. He then said he's not eating anything for breakfast and he's not eating lunch at school either ( he won't now he's said it!) so I said fine, as I still didn't have the muffins and I don't want to buy them either... Then we had the usual 'everyone at the school has buns/muffins/junk food for breakfast and I'm a terrible mum for not letting him do the same'.. So for tomorrow my options are: buy chocolate muffins and let him have one and I'll have peace or Don't buy any and have the stress. Also in the car on the way to school we always have a snack eg carrots, red peppers etc. well today he didn't want the carrot as he said he's not eating.

OP posts:
StrawberrytallCake · 07/03/2016 10:44

Banana pancakes may be your saviour!

Mash 1 banana with a fork
add egg and mix
pour in pan (with a little butter)
cook

Lovely healthy pancakes - if needed can put on a tiny bit of maple syrup or honey? Add some fruit at the side.

mummytippy · 07/03/2016 10:45

Great username OP! :-)

I personally would not give in or you will be seen as weak and will be backing down.

Children at 11yo need a substantial breakfast to keep their energy levels going until lunchtime. As you'll know and a chocolate muffin will not provide that and as you've said (and children are also well aware of such things) - is not a healthy option. I am sure your DS will eat at school as by lunchtime he'll be starving!

If my DS had his way he'd have Super noodles for breakfast, lunch and dinner and tha's not happening in my house! Yes, it's stressful but it's for their own good :-) The stress is part of being a good parent!

pastapie · 07/03/2016 10:58

I make my kids smoothies in the blender every morning,takes minutes!!chuck strawberries,oats,bananas and yogurt in and whizz it up,they love it.

My blender came with the cups you can drink on the go so ideal if your running late...just a thought,not judging kids can be very strong willed at times

thelittleredhen · 07/03/2016 11:00

Tell DS that you want to have a chat about healthy eating. Grab a pen and paper and sit down with yourself and other family members if you'd like as well. You're going to write down everyone's ideas and then come up with a solution at the end.

Then ask for his ideas, write them down.
Add your own - want to eat more healthily, no muffins for breakfast.
Write down any other ideas for how you can have a more healthy diet, taking it in turns.
No idea is "stupid", you'll write them all down and discuss at the end.

When you're all out of ideas, go through the list, reading out each point and then give a take on each one - compromise.

DS could maybe have one muffin a day either at breakfast or for pudding, then if he has it for breakfast, he has fruit for pudding.

The important thing is that you decide together and do not make it into a battle of wills.

00100001 · 07/03/2016 11:00

Just let him go hungry and stick to your guns.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 07/03/2016 11:02

No, yanbu. He'll eat a good lunch at school and if there are no muffins or choc hot pots in the house, he'll have to get over it too.

I can't honestly believe that you seem to be considering cracking after one morning's refusal to eat?

HPsauciness · 07/03/2016 11:05

I think you are right to say, there's going to be some changes but as everyone has said, the key is to be a bit more flexible perhaps and also involve him, but don't move your key change which is no muffins. If you don't buy them, he can't eat them. He can have eggs, or toast or something else or nothing if he chooses.

I wouldn't say a muffin a day unless he's very thin, as muffins (the huge chocolate ones) are very calorific- if it's a mini-muffin that might be different!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/03/2016 11:06

Chocolate Chip Brioche rolls are lower in calories, sugar and fat. Might work as a compromise for now.

fuzzpig · 07/03/2016 11:07

He'll just have to get used to it

fuzzpig · 07/03/2016 11:09

Those banana pancakes are even more awesome if you put peanut butter in the mix (I do add a little flour and baking powder) - if you get 100% nut butter it's really good for protein

GigiB · 07/03/2016 11:12

Stick to you guns.
Hes hoping you will give in by emotionally blackmailing you.
Once her realises you won't, he'll soon eat a better breakfast and you will have done a good job in changing his eating habits.. (which as you say need to change to be more healthy)

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 07/03/2016 11:14

Agree that you need a more collaborative approach. Stick to no more chocolate muffins every day, but sit down with him and discuss alternatives that he'll eat and that are at least steps towards something healthier. Not on a Monday morning when you're both stressed, but after dinner or st a weekend.

People have suggested healthier alternatives that are still cakey enough for him. I doubt you'll get him straight onto porridge! Why can't he have eggs everyday? Much healthier than a muffin everyday! And if you don't have time then get him to do his own, it's very easy to boil or scramble eggs, an 11 year old is certainly capable of doing so once taught how.

SanityClause · 07/03/2016 11:17

Two of my DC have been breakfast refusers, for one reason or another.

In both cases, the thing that made them agree to eat breakfast was intervention from the school.

Perhaps you could speak to his form tutor about it, so the message comes from the school, not from you?

I must admit, I do have a stash of those nutrigrain elevenses bars and similar things in the cupboard, so they can just grab one, if they are running late. I know they are not an ideal breakfast, but better than nothing. Also, if I am told that they are not hungry, they can be saved for later.

But I agree with littleredhen's plan. It's only fair that he gets some input, to such a major change.

diddl · 07/03/2016 11:24

Blimey!

Hasn't anyone ever run out of their kid's favourite breakfast?

I know that isn't what happened here, but he should be able to deal with it!

SanityClause · 07/03/2016 11:28

It isn't similar to what happened here, diddl.

The OP refused to let her DS have his second choice, of chocolate pudding for breakfast - something she hadn't run out of.

What actually happened was that she decided something for the family, and he had not understood the implications of it for him.

It's not a problem in logistics, it's a problem in communication.

Pollyputhtekettleon · 07/03/2016 11:46

Stick by your guns. He won't starve. But be prepared for him to find a way to buy junk on the way to school etc. Instead.

You need to sit him down an tell him you were wrong to let him eat that for breakfast so you are stopping it. Ask him what healthy options he would like available each morning and he can choose from among them.

Then stick to it. Don't engage in any further discussions about chocolate muffins for breakfast (could you ban the pop tarts too or at least limit them to Saturday only?).

mummymeister · 07/03/2016 12:49

why are some people so keen to rush into confrontation.

surely if you want your child to buy into something which is a very sudden change then it would be better to do it gradually and with co-operation?

I absolutely support what the OP is doing. changing diet is the best thing. but really doing it head on will be much more of a struggle wont it?

all he will do if he doesn't buy into it is either stop eating breakfast altogether or buying crap on the way to school.

as for the "they will eat if they are hungry" I thought that until my son wouldn't eat and got ill over it. yes, it is an extreme example and most children will do this most of the time but there are some children that really wont eat what is put in front of them.

diddl · 07/03/2016 12:51

"The OP refused to let her DS have his second choice, of chocolate pudding for breakfast - something she hadn't run out of."

But it was earmarked as part of another meal.

Yes, a discussion about it all beforehand would have been nice, but breakfast was available.

wheatchief · 07/03/2016 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flashbangandgone · 07/03/2016 13:23

You gave him plenty of perfectly good options... He chose not to eat them. He's 11 years, not 11 weeks ffs.. Of course he'll be ok with no breakfast, a little hungry maybe, but ok. As for saying he won't each lunch... Well if he does follow through on that, then it's clear missing breakfast didn't have too much effect on him!

StrawberrytallCake · 07/03/2016 18:48

fuzzpig will do that tomorrow morning, I love almond butter so think that'll make a very good addition. Thank you, they get a tad boring after a while and I feel like I'm alternating between that and overnight bircher or overnight porridge.

Twixthecat · 07/03/2016 21:04

I have only a toddler, so can't comment from experience on 11 yr olds but sticking to your guns sounds best option to me!

You'd probably get more comprehension from an 11 year old than a 2 year old when you explain why they can't have cake for breakfast though. Have plenty of healthy options available. Perhaps some compromises like Nutella and toast etc.

Your responsibility is to provide breakfast. His choice whether to eat it or not. He'll have to like it or lump it. He's not going to starve. You're doing the right thing.

TickettyBoo · 07/03/2016 22:17

Stick to your guns, let him sulk and go hungry a few days, he won't starve. Good on you for getting rid of the junk.

DancingDinosaur · 07/03/2016 22:31

Why not just do the eggs if he eats them. Bit of a pain but its just a case of getting up 10 minutes earlier. And if it breaks the chocolate muffin cycle and gives him a good meal before school then why not?

diddl · 08/03/2016 08:20

He's 11-how about he does eggs himself if he wants them!