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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To Ask How A Woman Can 'Make The Most Of Her 'Youth'?

100 replies

CranberryPrincess · 05/03/2016 18:07

I am in my early twenties and noticed that more and more I have older female family members, bosses, people at work, most women I befriend or meet who are older always go on about 'making the most of your youth' but never say how best to make sure you are doing this :/ or give me examples...they just always simply say it.

I am unmarried with no children atm but hope to

Can anyone elaborate on things a woman can do to 'make the most of her youth' ? or how she can be sure she's doing so ? and some examples :)

thanks :-)

OP posts:

Wordsmith · 07/03/2016 15:39

Ooh yes to more sex too.

Try saying yes to everything, within reason.

iMogster · 07/03/2016 15:53

I have found every year passes quicker than the last.

Seize opportunities.
You are going to spend a lot of your life at work, so study and train in a career you will enjoy.
When you're young and renting share with friends or get a cheap bedsit and save some money each month. When you're older you can get a nice place of your own.
Go out a lot, Party a lot. If you have the travel bug, go and travel.
Appreciate your young radiant face and if you have a slim figure, enjoy having it.
Be active and get out and do things, experience what is out there. There is plenty of time for TV and sitting about when you have young kids.
Have fun. Make memories. Value great friendships. Stay away from toxic people.
Visit your family, if you love your parents, tell them while you can.
If you marry, don't settle for second best.
Look after your health, you won't get another body.

iMogster · 07/03/2016 16:01

Most people who talk about regrets. Say it's not what they did, but what they didn't do.

miaowmix · 07/03/2016 16:02

I would have bought more property AND had more random sex (and I did shag around, to be fair ). And definitely travelled more and pretty much lived in a bikini. I was a size ten tops FFS. And ditched that bloody possessive boyfriend.
And gone to Matthew's 21st party... sigh

TheToys · 07/03/2016 16:20

MrsTerryPratchett: Tim from the 1990s -was he at Leeds or Lancaster by any chance?

I wish my window of shagging hot men had been bigger (was only about between the ages of 22, when I lost weight and gained confidence, and 24, when I met DH), but am now married and have a DS. Travelled enough, though.

mrsmugoo · 07/03/2016 16:28

Play the field a bit
Travel
Do cool stuff - tick off some of your bucket list
Be free and independent!

I did all of those things in my twenties and early thirties now I'm having babies with a career and a mortgage under my belt in my mid/late thirties.

There's no one "right way" but I certainly couldn't do a lot of the travelling and hedonistic stuff I used to do now, with children in tow but I'm enjoying a simpler, quieter life these days - I'm partied out!

lottiegarbanzo · 07/03/2016 17:03

For me, my regret is not doing more things wholeheartedly. Committing to things, immersing myself in them but also being willing to stop and move to something else.

Half-hearted, half-done things aren't sensible, or showing reasonable caution, they're just nothing much. Part-experiences that could easily have been full, rich, memorable experiences, with a bit more commitment (and confidence).

Certainly exercise caution and judgement about which things but don't be afraid to make mistakes, learn from them, move on.

HexU · 07/03/2016 17:04

Thing is if I'd played the field more - I'd have lost DH who was my first boyfriend.

If I'd travelled more - I wouldn't have earned the money while studying - so would have been in even more debt. Or Id have delayed working meaning I'd have waited even longer to marry or have less savings - saving which meant with some compromises we could afford to buy a house when we needed to.

I wish I'd had more fun - but would I have worked as hard and got the same education which I needed to start career and save the money that mean were doing okay now?

I sometimes wish the above when life feels hard and drab.

I do wish I'd had more confidence when younger to enjoy what I did do and have fewer doubts but that is something that has come with age.

More fun then and less focus on the future and I don't think we'd be as comfortable now.

Do wish had fewer hang ups about my body - as ageing does take a toll but I think I got less self concious having gone through childbirth and bf having to get on with it all and being thankful it all worked and caring less about it looking pretty. Though I wouldn't have wanted the children before we had them.

So I don't really know how - sorry.

lottiegarbanzo · 07/03/2016 17:57

In fact my view could be boiled down to 'do stuff'.

Also, find out who you are and what you want - knowing the latter makes life soooo much easier. The former may be there, or may not come all at once. Don't rush it but, take your need to find out and yourself, seriously.

mrsmugoo · 07/03/2016 18:00

HexU - I hear what you're saying but I think the gist of most people's answers could be summed up by "living for the moment", being utterly carefree and not really considering much other than making memories and having loads of fun.

I definitely could have made more sensible choices in my youth that would mean I'd be more financially secure now but I would have missed out on all my formative experiences.

I used to have a corporate career and earned over double what I do now with no financial dependents - I should have thousands in savings but I blew every single wage on expensive clothes, amazing meals, clubbing, holidays etc....

Don't regret a thing - you do only live once!!

Mrsleighdelamare · 07/03/2016 20:10

I dwell on this as DH is bipolar, we met when we were early 20s. Truthfully, we should have split up when we did and not got back together (mid 20s) because he was bipolar then. I should have had the courage to leave. I didn't.

I have lovely kids now. Can't regret the things I can't change.

I suppose I would say 'have courage to do the things that are right for you'. Even if they are hard decisions to make. Be more selfish, because once you have kids and are married, being selfish doesn't really come in to it.

That said, my 20s were generally a lot of fun. Glad I didn't have kids until I was in my 30s. Holidays, weekends away, parties, lazy weekends. Cherish these things.

Go on long haul flights.

Wear sunscreen every day.

And of course, don't build up debts. Your 40 year old self will thank you for that.

Movingonmymind · 07/03/2016 20:58

Lottie, very wise! Iam very guilty of this- on paper, I have done many things, travelled, moved, courses, experiences etc but often/always with on eye on the next new thing, never in the moment really, generally too exhausted from all the change to enjoy the simple moments along the way, let alone the wow factor of what I did.

FrancesNiadova · 07/03/2016 21:35

By using her youthful energy to beat patronising #&$@#! Over the head with a bucket?

Eatenthebiscuit · 08/03/2016 09:00

I think Be Yourself, and don't be shy!
There are several things I didn't do because I was worried about what other people - and my parents - would think e.g. stayed in sensible jobs instead of taking the interesting but low-paid jobs in theatre etc I really wanted.

I personally think drifting along is incredibly important! That's what I wish I did more of, instead of being sensible!

PiecesOfCake · 08/03/2016 09:48

Just one thing.

I was enjoying 'making the most of my youth' for so long, I didn't start a family until late on. So whilst I don't regret any wasted youth, I really wanted a large family which nature now prevents me from having. So, different regrets which I'm coming to terms with!

Lieveke77 · 08/03/2016 13:47

Career: look for opportunities that are interesting anywhere in the world don't limit yourself to where you are now. Once you have a boyfriend, kids etc it will be more complex to move around. Also make your mark in business now when you don't have to feel guilty travelling or staying late in the office.
Personal: I LOVE to do skitours and ski in the powder given the avalanche dangers etc I have not done so anymore since i have kids...
I would love to just have some time on my own and wake up, have a quiet breakfast, go out shopping, go out with my girl friends, not to have to consider anybody else needs and wants... ooh what luxury. Embrace being alone and see it as an opportunity not as a bad thing.

CEOD · 08/03/2016 16:00

I am so sick of the whole "travel" nonsense. People really think you haven't lived if you haven't travelled. Travel just makes you dissatisfied. I was encouraged to travel by my parents and now, because of travel my husband is foreign. Our families live in two completely different countries to the one we live in and I haven't lived in my homeland for 15 years. I really, really DON'T want my children to travel! I want us all to live close together where we can help out with the grandchildren, the kind of life I would have liked myself! To be close to all the grandparents and give my children a stable upbringing, not having to fly to visit family. And don't shag around either. It doesn't make anyone happy. It may give you a short-lived cheap thrill but it's nothing to be proud of in the long-term. haha God I'm, so boring!!!!

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/03/2016 16:05

TheToys No, but it does begin with an L.

TheToys · 08/03/2016 16:11

Ah, MrsTerry. It's not the same Tim, then. There are quite a few around after all. Just, sometimes, it's a small world...

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/03/2016 16:22

Clearly Tims are making quite the impression!

SunnyPath · 08/03/2016 16:35

My advice would be to enjoy the present. Don't think that you are just killing time waiting for the right man and a better paid job and children. Enjoy 'now'. At the time I thought life was quite hard - not much money, living in shared house with friends, no boyfriend etc. But actually, looking back, I had loads of fun and did masses of stuff I would never do now like just driving to London for the evening for the sheer fun of it, and hanging out till really late, and just having no responsibilities. Always make the best of where you are and live in the present.

TorchesTorches · 08/03/2016 17:00

I agree about taking opportunities. Doesn't matter what they are. I had a mantra in my 20s that if there is a choice between 'doing something' or 'not doing something' chose the 'doing something' option. I went to every party, every pub invite, took every option at work i could and i learned a lot about what i did like and didn't like, and what i could do and couldn't do. It gave me the confidence that i didn't have in my teens, plus it has set me up for the next 20 years and counting.

SoThatHappened · 08/03/2016 17:07

Get off mumsnet.

In my early 20s I wouldnt have joined a site called mumsnet if I was single with no children.

kateandme · 17/03/2016 07:31

I think its just.be.happy with you.dnt live now with body issue,career worries,will I wnt I to men.if u want go fr it whatever that is.travelings not fr everone.it might be as simple as visiting a new park fr a walk.just dnt stop and dnt regret.
Imagine ursel in 10 yrs are there things u wish ud done.
Be free and crZyzy.love urself.

Iwillorderthefood · 17/03/2016 07:43

I wish I'd pushed a little harder at work. Got myself into a career which I could more easily adapt to working around children and saved a bit more money, perhaps bought the London flat in Earslfield I was thinking of. We'd be quids in now and have a bit more living space rather than be crammed into a tiny terraced house and contemplating even more debt for a tiny extra bedroom. Maybe try to ensue your work is not location specific.

I went out loads, traveled etc, but spent everything I earned on it.

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