To Ask How A Woman Can 'Make The Most Of Her 'Youth'?

[CranberryPrincess]

I am in my early twenties and noticed that more and more I have older female family members, bosses, people at work, most women I befriend or meet who are older always go on about 'making the most of your youth' but never say how best to make sure you are doing this :/ or give me examples...they just always simply say it.

I am unmarried with no children atm but hope to

Can anyone elaborate on things a woman can do to 'make the most of her youth' ? or how she can be sure she's doing so ? and some examples :)

thanks :-)

I'd love to be in my early twenties again... So many things I'd do differently. At the time I was in debt and had to keep working in jobs I didn't particularly like to pay it off, so I couldn't afford to go travelling etc.

I would:

• Not worry so much about finding a man and settling down. I was so obsessed about meeting someone I dated some really unsuitable men (not as much fun as it sounds) and then spent seven or eight years with someone who was completely wrong for me and didn't make me happy. I ended up meeting DH in my thirties and wished I'd spent my twenties single and doing things I enjoyed, rather than in unhappy relationships.

• Learned new skills that I would enjoy using - playing musical instruments, singing, photography, sports etc.

• Travel, as everyone has said. Maybe not around the world but at least one extended adventure - backpacking around South America, walking a long-distance trail (I always wanted to do the Santiago de Compostela pilgrimage, which is only six weeks) or working abroad, maybe volunteering or teaching English for six months to a year.

• Establish myself in a good career - something I felt passionate about and really wanted to do, or failing that one which paid well! I didn't really think about careers and just went into a random job to pay off my debts. Now I'm in my thirties and wish I had either money or career satisfaction (preferably both). I don't think taking a year out to travel would have hindered me in getting started professionally - it might have given me breathing room to figure out what I wanted to do.

Shag around and travel. Job hop and have a laugh when you don't have kids and mortgage to support. Seems pretty obvious to me

My early 20s were great, glad I got it out my system before settling down - you only regret the hot men you didn't have

Things I did that I enjoyed and have no regrets:
Travelled
Lived and worked abroad
Partied hard
Had a few wild boyfriends but no one night stands
Went on clubbing holidays with the girls and mixed groups.
Lots of weekend partying away at friends who were at uni
Bought a VW camper van and toured around the UK.
Went to loads of festivals and gigs
Crimped my hair and wore stuff only the young can really get away with- tiny white shorts, white leather jeans, tassled leather jacket for riding on motorbikes etc
Met a ton of people and forged some lifetime friendships
Got on the property ladder as soon as I could.
Went for it career wise and had a few brilliant jobs that I loved and paid well.
Never had a sniff of mid life crisis and am now in my 40's.

Two things I did that I wouldn't recommend- hitchhiked around different countries and dabbled in drugs.

For me it's taking the opportunities that are available to you. The things I regret are the things I didn't do.

-I wish I had travelled more
-I've just rediscovered tennis after not playing for 20 years and I'm kicking myself for all those times pre kids I could have played whenever I wanted but now I can't play as much as I would like as I have kids to think about.
-same with skiing, didn't ski for years and when we went back to it we could really feel that we were older and wish had done more when younger.
-there were so many clubs at university I really didn't make the most of. I had free flying lessons available, why wasn't I there every week instead of lying in bed?!

• I wish I'd worn better clothes when I had the figure to. I thought I was fat

-I wish I'd done more after work drinks and nights out as I can't do them anymore.

I think you don't realise when you are younger how precious time is. You think you have the rest of your life to do things when it goes soo much faster than you would think.

I didn't sleep around or travel, and I have very few regrets about how I spent my youth. The thing I miss most about pre-kids is the ability to be spontaneous. Last minute holidays, allocation on arrival. Going to the pub on Saturday lunchtime and rolling in at 3am. Most of my favourite memories are things I did with DH (I was 21 when we got together) and obviously I shagged him lots but the shagging lots of strangers never appealed so I never did that.

My one regret is a course I wish I'd studied at uni - it is only offered in 3 unis in the UK and none near me. If I had figured this out pre-kids then DH and I could have moved to one of the unis, lived in cheap married people uni accommodation and I could have the qualification I wish I had now. To uproot us all now would be almost impossible, and studying not earning with young kids not financially viable. One day...

To me, youth meant freedom to make choices that only affected me (or me and DH) that isn't necessarily a young thing, just a pre-kids thing. My sister is still living a life of travel and shagging and she is well into her 40s, She doesn't want marriage or kids and loves her life. She feels sorry for me with my no money and boring life, I feel sorry form er that a she will never experience having children. ;)

Appreciate how fabulous you really are. I didn't have the confidence to wear a bikini until I was over 40, but I looks back at my figure and wonder what the hell stopped me.

Focus on building your interests, friendships and career, don't get serious about men yet. Don't let your life get derailed by s man- the soul mate business is an utter lie, No one is worth chucking everything in for, no one.

Get value from your young female premium, choose wisely, stay healthy. Travel, get mindful. Oh so many things. Oh and make your own mistakes

Oh some GREAT advice on this thread!

I wish I'd appreciated how gorgeous I was - it's ironic that one of the the most beautiful sections of the population - young women - are also the most insecure!

I look back at photos where I thought I was fat (at under 9 stone! I so wasn't) and think omg I looked great! But at the time I was riven with insecurity and self doubt.

Don't sit around waiting for that lucky break that will solve your problems. In your 20s your body is very forgiving, so you can get away with a lot more short sleep etc than you can in yr 30s.

I am only 26 so I realise some people will probably think I shouldn't contribute to this thread and I will probably be d at for my naivety, but currently I am very happy with how I spent my early 20s. I think the nostalgia/rose tinted glasses/hindsight might be one of those things that happens later on and there's no way you could have realised what your future self thinks you ought to be doing in your early 20s at the time. I can't explain it, there must be a word for the phenomenon as everyone seems to experience it. The if-only-ing that only comes with the wisdom that only comes with age???
So I realise I am probably missing out on bloody EVERYTHING as far as my future self would see it.
But this was my early 20s:
Got with now DH at 18
Didn't go to uni as there was no course I wanted to spend that much on
Did a vocational 1 year diploma
Worked in customer services - a lot of life lessons
Broke up with DH and worked as an au pair on other side of world. Only for 3 months and 1 one night stand as realised it was something that reeeeeally wasn't for me, boss was an absolute fucking bitch and I'd much rather be back with DH
Back in customer services at the same time as working for free in the field I'd decided I wanted to go into
Left customer services for real career choice
Pursued hobbies etc. Which led to some verrrrrry cool experiences (literally once in a life time performances etc)
Married
Became self employed
Had a baby

Had lots of holidays and spontaneous breaks with DH, but 'travelling' is not really for us. I've certainly my fair share of drunken experiences (which I never really enjoyed!) and have pursued a lot of interests and really indulged myself and DH pre-DC. Loads of meals out, indulging passions, etc. Also a lot of sitting on the sofa and eating.

I think the key is to do what YOU want, not what you feel others think you should do - your responsibility is to yourself, not them! Indulge yourself! :)

Online dating. Not around in my time but I would be on it like a shot now for dating shagging hot men NSA.

Appreciate your beauty. You'll look back in your fourties and realise how gorgeous you were!

I'm really surprised how many people are saying 'shag around'. I don't think that's a good thing. Meeting lots of new people you 'might' fall in love with seems the way to go, rather than just marrying the nice looking acceptable man/woman from just down the road who sells insurance for a living. I could agree with that.

Taking opportunities to travel and experience new things outside the world you grew up in as a child/teen is definitely the thing to do. I grew up a lot from age 19 - 25 and experienced a lot of things that looking back on it still seem amazing and am gad I did them. I met the right person though and we shared that experience together.

Things i would tell my younger self:

Live alone
Live abroad for a while
Start saving some money now
Try to not worry what people think
Take care of your health, be active and eat well
Work out what you love doing and do lots of it.
Date interesting men, forget about people being "out of your league"

I took far too many decisions (eg what job to go for, where to live) based on boyfriends, who would not have done likewise. This was to the detriment of my career, social life and wellbeing.

The young women I work with (public sector, London) are on a lower salary in cash terms (let alone real terms!) than I was for the same roles in the early noughties. They have debts from university fees etc. They are mainly worried about money and (associated with this) their housing situation.

They don't have money for travel etc.

They also can't afford to live alone: ditto older colleagues on decent salaries. London housing craziness!

Excuse my while I roll around laughing. I'm 58 and having the time of my life.
If I could go back, what would I do? Take a long hard look in the mirror, realise and fully understand that there were few to match me for looks. Access some self-awareness, realise and fully understand that mentally, I was fucked. Get psychotherapy. Then go out and get the world.
I don't 'regret', but I could have been happier, longer and more effectively if I'd started sooner!

Yep, burping national anthems. Wish I'd done more of that

Seriously, I don't feel I wasted my youth at all. I had 4 destinations that I was non-compromising on seeing before I settled down with children. So pleased I saw them. I also saved really hard. Lived in a share house while of an age when I could tolerate it and very grateful for that time/experience/savings now. Studied hard and did well. Didn't really bother with sex and relationships as it didn't suit me to compromise my time. I was too consumed with achieving what I personally wanted. It was great.

My DP and I often say we wish we'd had kids 10 years younger though (not that it would have worked, we just wish we could have more energy right now)

I spent most of my 20's on career/study and I wish I had made more time for travel.

Also, to be totally honest (and boring), if you are not currently spending all that lovely disposable income on study or travel or something that's really worth it but just buying loads of random cutesy materialistic shite and Marks and Spencer's dinners - STOP.

Put away some money. Later on, having a bit of money put aside from this time can be really, really wonderful. I am fairly jealous of friends who bought property or laid down savings in these years. They have much nicer lives now as a result.

I think your 20s are a good time to ensure you have some basic lifeskills. The following things all make life much easier and more fun:

• being good with money
• being good at making and keeping friends
• being happy to spend time alone
• being nice to people
• identifying twattish men swiftly
• not letting fears and anxieties limit your life
• working out what really makes you happy and doing a lot of it.

Bought a maisonette in Hampstead with a garden. For £285k. We had sleepless nights about this huge sum. Ha ha ha! Just dumb luck tho.

Have a lot of sex. A lot more than you might think.

Hmm but not too much. Cystitis...least fun thing about my twenties

Avoid confusing possessive/abusive/controlling partners for 'romance'. It isn't and it won't just affect your personal life, but can limit other appropriate risk-taking that could make your career etc' (e.g. investments, exciting jobs that involve travel...).
Of course such men/women love younger partners so it means being extra savvy! all the usual stuff re flattery etc.

The thing about advising your younger self is that there's no way you'd take that advice at 20 if the older you travelled back in time to tell you. It all depends what sort of person you are. Now, it seems a fantasy to me to travel the world in a camper van, but when I was 20 all I wanted was to hang out with my mates and go to the pub!

With a sensible hat on, I would say yes, put some money aside for the future, because pensions will be non-existent by the time you crumble into old age, but then how would you afford to rent a flat or go on holiday? Because at 20 that's what I'd really want to be doing.

Just do things that draw you to them and will be harder to do when you're encumbered with kids/a house/responsibility - whatever that is, only you can tell.

But if you can afford to save a bit, invest in an index fund every month for 40 years, forget about the money, and by the time you're 60 you'll have a great nest-egg.