to be fed up of people being PROUD of themselves?

[amidonefor]

Every TV show seems to have people banging on about how proud they are of what they've done.

It seems so big-headed - so immodest and boastful.

Perhaps this is more about poor usage of language

The BBC has an ad campaign for itself running on the theme of Run yourself proud, ride yourself proud, punch yourself proud, row yourself proud, wank youself proud....

that kind of thing - I'm living in the past I guess, where pride was a sin and modesty was a virtue

Pride comes before a fall

Fall yourself proud

bah

Totally agree Op.

On a similar theme I fucking loathe it when someone says they are proud of me (a friend does this a bit, she's trying to be nice, I get that )...but really? I'm 47. Not 4. And she's not my mum.

It's weirdly possessive and I hate it.

@Forgetmenotblue

Totally get that!!! It feels patronising to me.
It seems to imply that they had a role in your achievement - like you've finally done what they always wanted you to do... or is it only me that hears that?

@BipBippadotta
For those saying they feel proud of themselves for overcoming terrible circumstances - I don't think the kind of pride the OP finds irritating. It's the constant crowing and fishing for praise and sense of entitlement.

Thanks for saying that - totally right - there's just no way for me to say it without causing more umbrage

@amidonefor Yes! That's it exactly. It's like a bit of a passive agressive way to say "I told you so" or "at last, you've taken my advice". Bloody annoying.

Being proud of your kids or other people I think is rather weird. Happy for them, sure, but "proud"?

Pleased about (proud of) stuff you yourself achieved: totally healthy. Am Not convinced that all pride must = arrogance or self-importance.

I am proud of some of my recent achievements. It's taken hard work to get there and people who think I am a tit for being proud of something I have worked hard for can piss off.

However I don't recall ever saying (or posting on social media) that I am proud of myself to other people.

@revealall Completely agree.
@BipBippadotta and OP that's what I thought but when I agreed it felt like I then had to give my background to somehow justify why I agreed with OP. Crazy, I know.

I am proud of myself. I am about to do more studying so I can have a career. I have had to overcome many obstacles to get here and I'm really proud of where my life is going, I even shared it on FB when I enrolled on my course

Of course, people work every day and they study every day and it isn't anything remarkable, but I'm proud of it, because I am achieving things I didn't think I would achieve and had to wait years for due to life circumstances.

Proud means feeling deep pleasure at ones own achievements. I certainly don't feel deep pleasure when I have cleaned my bathroom or walked the dog though. I guess if someone is in deep depression or suffering with a physical illness these things might be big achievements for them, so it's all relative.

"It's a bit like when people say they are proud of being insert nationality here. I don't get why they're proud of something they have no control of, they were just born in a place."
Exactly my thoughts. IMHO it's fine to be proud of our acheivements (without bragging of course) but so much of what people say they're proud of is stuff they had no control of or stuff they really shouldn't be "proud" of.

• Proud to have acheived a good grade in a challenging exam/overcome some big hurdle/learned a skill - fine

• Proud to be British/straight/gay/male/female/dyslexic/black/white - why? They aren't acheivements, you had no input or control. I think many people confuse "not ashamed of" with "proud of" but there's a difference. Totally different to say something like "I'm proud to have passed that exam despite my struggles with dyslexia".

• Proud to be overweight - acceptance is great, but why would you be "proud"?

• "I'm thick as shit and proud of it" - fuck off.

• Proud to have given birth - why? Your body was going to do it whether you wanted it to or not.

"They expect to be congratulated for feeding their kids, getting up in the morning, going to work and all manner of everyday things."
Yup, then have to celebrate these mundane "acheivements" with a "cheeky glass of wine" FFS. But if they are suffering badly with mental or physical health issues, which makes these everyday things much harder, I think they have a valid reason to be proud.

I think it's something we've inherited from the USA, where it's the thing to big people up even when they've done nothing noteworthy. "Yay, you've had a poo in your hands and resisted the urge to clap, go you!" It's similar to the exaggeration of pretty much everything on FaceBook, so nothing is "amusing" it's "hilarious", or it's "shocking" when mildly surprising, or using crying laughing emojis when they're probably just smiling.

Being proud of your kids or other people I think is rather weird.

I am especially proud right now of my son who has been through hell and back and has special needs and has worked really bloody hard through awful grief to achieve what he is achieving. I am proud because nothing comes easy to him but he keeps trying and trying and never gives up. While most people have achieved what he has achieved with ease he has had to fight for everything.

Is it weird to be proud of that? I don't think so.

I wouldn't talk about how proud I am because my daughter can now do her 2 times tables, or she sang in the choir at school though.

We may have been influenced by America Whataloadof. When the American boss of the company I worked for visited he wandered about the office floor saying 'good jab' to everyone and often said how proud he was of EVERYONE.

Yes Sharon , that bloody Small woman has a lot to answer for

I hope she's an MNer

I work with people who expect a gold star sending a simple email that I'd asked them to write two days before If they actually do something a tiny bit better than just good enough, they're insufferable.

I am a horrible boss, granted. Thank yous come naturally - even for basic stuff. I just seriously struggle to praise people more than once a day for doing their fairly undemanding job. The worst offender is almost 60 btw

Totally agree op!

I can't stand the humble brag either!

I am quite proud of myself for getting out of bed before midday today although I'm still in my PJs-

@handsome Agree! I work with someone who complains about not being valued. She does a very undemanding job quite lazily for 4 hrs a day. Can't bear people who want a medal for doing the thing they are paid for.

YABU. I'm disabled and if I manage to do something that, for me, takes superhuman effort then I tell myself well done and feel proud.

Rorty that's entirely different, and you're perfectly reasonable to feel proud of your achievements.

"I find negativity way more annoying.. the tv and news are full of disaster, incompetence and corruption.. rather than celebrating any success stories/acts of kindness etc. I'd prefer to have a nation that is proud (and a bit up its own ass) rather than full off doom and self flagellation."

This, absolutely! I live in Ireland where there are times it seems everyone begrudges everyone EVERYTHING unless they happen to be having a tragedy, when they suddenly become some sort of saint (as long as said tragedy is not related to addiction, mental health issues or pregnancy/infancy loss, in which case it must be barely spoken of, eyes averted etc).

You can bollock on about how fantastic you are after a few pints with impunity, but accept a compliment with grace and you've got "notions above your station":

e.g. on first publication of an article in the national news
"Ah fair play to you, you did a good job with that".
"Thanks, I'm delighted with it"
"Ah now I wouldn't be getting carried away either. You wouldn't want to lose the run of yourself. Lots of people before you have published and sure today's news is the lining of tomorrow's bin".

on getting a first in my degree:
"Congratulations, I'd say you're only delighted with yourself."
"Thanks, yeah, thrilled."
"Shame you'll get nowhere with it, sure everyone has a first nowadays and it's not like it's in engineering or something like that" (it was in a professional degree!)

On getting married:
"Ah it was a great day"
"We had a great time, people seemed to enjoy it anyway"
"Ah sure one wedding is the same as another"

On naming firstborn.
"X is a lovely name."
"Thanks, we love it. A few people have said it's a good name for him because his dad comes from Y (where name comes from)"
"Ah sure people will always say something nice about the name, it doesn't mean they really like it, I wouldn't take it seriously".

JOY SUCKERS.

I'd rather see people have a bit of pride in themselves than engage in this sort of Dementor type behaviour.

For the weekend that's in it:

Fusionconfusion

I understand being proud of others to be a situation where pride = admiration + love. So it's fine if my dh or mother is proud of me, but if my colleague or boss is. Because the love element is not there (or shouldn't be, or is at least not mutual!), a colleague being proud of me feels patronising & insincere & a bit inappropriately possessive. Why not just say 'well done'?

I also think the concept of pride is devalued in a culture where you're encouraged always to be proud of everything you do or are. So U2's pride in her son's hard-won accomplishments goes in the same category as my SIL's pride in her toddler for overcoming no hardship & exerting no effort in order to look adorable in a tutu.

I don't think you should only be proud of things that impress others. There's lots of things that are normal, everyday that other's 'meh' about, as mentioned in this thread, and every time someone points it someone goes 'Yeah but we don't mean you!'

But isn't that everyone? Maybe that person who is proud because they got the house sorted should be proud, because perhaps they struggled with procrastination or they're disorganised. Yes it's expected of them, but people find things hard even if not necessarily for an 'allowed' reason, such as mental illness or disability.

And I'd much rather someone say 'I'm so proud of myself for walking my first 10k' than being upset because they didn't come first place. We're all just bumbling along and making our way in the world and if you can find something to be proud of then be proud of it.

I think, though, that it's the constant baying about how proud we are of ourselves that chafes. By all means, be proud. Just don't demand everyone else is proud of you, too. Which is what you're kind of doing if you spray it all over social media all the time.

I get you OP. For me it's not the actual pride of one's achievements that gets my goat, it's the act of telling everyone about it. Im not talking about real struggles in life, such as those above who've cited struggles with disabilities etc but those normal everyday things like being a working mother, doing 50 push ups, etc etc The people that shout about it are usually the ones that do it over and over about everyday things, those people who need constant ego stroking.

It's just showing off, but we're not allowed to call it that nowadays. It's the me, me, me generation. Some people above have said that this is better than having crippling low self esteem etc but we can have something in the middle where we can be proud of ourselves, our children etc but remember we are only part of the bigger picture and stop bloody bragging about stuff!

And to the poster who said, 'You are great' this illustrates the problem. Being proud for just being me is just bollocks- I may be a complete arse.

Wank yourself proud
I also hate " I'm blessed"

'Self praise is no praise'
You don't hear that much anymore either