Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re: Mother's Day lie in?

59 replies

AlarmOnSnooze · 04/03/2016 22:10

H and I have a system at weekends. We each have a lie in on one of the days, while the other gets up, does all child related stuff, breakfast etc.

We have been doing this for the last 8 months or so, and up until now, if for any reason the usual routine is disrupted (I have a lie in on Saturday, he has a lie in on Sunday) then we just take it on the chin. Eg, I had to get up early (stupidly early ie 4am) on my lie in day when we went on holiday recently. Such is life. I didn't get a replacement day, or ask to swap it, it's just how the dice fell.

In January, dd2's Saturday ballet class time changed. She now needs to be there by 9am. So not much of a lie in for me anymore, since I either need to be up to take her to ballet, or I need to be up to supervise the other dc if H takes her. Again, no complaint from me, that's the way life is. My only comment was to ask H to make sure everything was done by the time I got up, as I didn't want to be finishing off getting dc dressed, or sorting breakfast etc, on my lie in day.

So, earlier this evening, having put the dc to bed, H turned to me and said 'so, since it's Mothers Day on Sunday, do you want to keep your lie in as tomorrow (Saturday), or swap it for Sunday?' (Implication being if I keep it as tomorrow, then I'll be getting up on Sunday so he can have a lie in!)

AIBU to think this is a bit crap? He isn't working at the moment, so doesn't have to get up and get going particularly early in the week. I get up all week with the dc, sort breakfast and school stuff, do lunches, and take dc on school runs. He gets up and wanders about a bit, and may help with teeth cleaning, but that's it. And now he is resenting the fact that I might get an 'extra' lie in on Sunday (which isn't even an extra one, given I don't really get one on Saturday given the ballet time change).

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 04/03/2016 22:13

You need to change the system to alternate Sundays because Saturday is no longer a proper lie in.

HeddaGarbled · 04/03/2016 22:15

Also, he needs to do more on week days while he isn't working.

Hassled · 04/03/2016 22:17

He's being an arse. If he was up with the lark heading for work each day he might have a leg to stand on, but as it is he doesn't.

JanetOfTheApes · 04/03/2016 22:18

If he's not working yet you do every weekday morning, I'd be taking Saturday and Sunday if I were you. WTF is he doing with his mornings?

Guitargirl · 04/03/2016 22:19

I think your system needs to change and I bet it already would have if it was your husband who had the Sat non-existent 'lie-in'.

daffodilsandbooks · 04/03/2016 22:20

All this lie in stuff is lazy, is my honest opinion. There's no need for adults to laze around half the morning in bed.

TempusEedjit · 04/03/2016 22:20

Why are you doing all the school runs etc when he's not working? Confused

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 04/03/2016 22:21

He's being petty. LTB, I'm getting a lie in on Sunday as my DCs will be at their dad's! We can have a lovely day when they get back Smile

Original poster
AlarmOnSnooze · 04/03/2016 22:22

Getting up more is a non-starter. Just not going to happen.

alternating the weekend lie ins also not going to work, as it gives more opportunity for it to go wrong/dc not be ready on time (which means me getting up to deal with it all). Also dc all have SN, and it is easier for them to know what is going on with set days.

OP posts:
Lightbulbon · 04/03/2016 22:23

He's an arse!

He's not working but you're STILL doing all the wifework!!

NinaSimoneful · 04/03/2016 22:26

I also think this system needs to be adjusted now that you've lost your lie-in. You've been too nice and it's bit you on the butt now. Take back your lie in!

Original poster
AlarmOnSnooze · 04/03/2016 22:26

Daffodils - I have no intention, or desire, to laze around half the morning. What I do want is a morning off getting 3 dc with additional needs up, dressed and sorted for the day.

I am fine with the non-existent lie in on a Saturday, as just having the morning off the responsibility of dealing with the dc and heir respective needs is all the break I am after.

Tempus- no idea. But someone has to do them, as the dc have to get to school. H has been at home since last August, and I can count on one hand the number of school runs he has done.

Guitar - yep, I bet it would have too.

OP posts:
starry0ne · 04/03/2016 22:29

why is he not doing the majority of getting the kids ready for school? school run?

Seems very unbalanced...

I also do see you not wanting to change...

Original poster
AlarmOnSnooze · 04/03/2016 22:30

Janet - no idea what he does, tbh. He would say he is getting up and helping, but he isn't.

He doesn't move until I have started to get up, and even then he is pottering about slowly rather than actually getting stuff done.

He doesn't sort their uniforms, make lunch (dd1 takes a hot lunch each day, so has to be made in the morning), or sort out school bags. He doesn't make breakfast, or take either older child to school. Dd1 asked him yesterday if he could take her to school today. He said he would have to check what he is doing. So she asked him if he could pick her up. He didn't answer. Dd1's school run is a bugger, to be fair, as she is at a SN school in the next county, but still. Once, that's all she wanted.

OP posts:
starry0ne · 04/03/2016 22:34

You need to sit down and split tasks more fairly...

He isn't doing anything you are going to work..

Original poster
AlarmOnSnooze · 04/03/2016 22:35

I am honestly fine with the non-existent Saturday lie in.

I really don't want to laze around all morning, and probably wouldn't sleep past 7.30am anyway.

What I do want is to be able to have 30 minutes reading my book in peace, and for him to field all early morning stuff.

I don't want to deal with dressing and teeth cleaning, just for one morning.

I want to be able to have a shower in peace, rather than having to listen out for dd1 going to the toilet (she needs help cleaning and dressing herself) and dashing along the corridor in a towel, freezing my arse off, to help.

That's all.

The having to get ready by 8.30am is the least of it, as long as I can actually get dressed in peace, and have a quiet time of it.

But it's a bit rich for him to then try to swipe my Mothers Day lie in as well!

OP posts:
ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 04/03/2016 22:35

The problem isnt really the lie in is it...?

Original poster
AlarmOnSnooze · 04/03/2016 22:39

I'm not sure he's thought it through, tbh.

The dc are going to want to do breakfast in bed for me, so I have no idea how he thinks that is going to work anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
AlarmOnSnooze · 04/03/2016 22:40

Well no, there is obviously more to it than the lie in.

But I honestly can't believe he suggested that I should be getting up still on Sunday, given we have 3 young children who all get excited about doing a 'special breakfast' on celebration days.

OP posts:
lorelei9 · 04/03/2016 22:40

He's not worked since August and does naff all round the house? Have I understood that correctly?

MsVestibule · 04/03/2016 22:40

Honestly, this weekend's lie-ins are a complete red herring!! Why isn't he working? Is he off sick? Unemployed and looking for work?

Paintedhandprints · 04/03/2016 22:41

This entire post makes no sense to me. So what does your dh do?
He is unemployed and doesn't get involved in any parenting either? Does he keep the house clean and tidy?

LotsOfShoes · 04/03/2016 22:41

To be honest, given what you've written about him, you have much bigger problems than a lie in. He's been unemployed since August and yet he doesn't help with the kids almost at all? Is there a back story here? Is he ill or extremely lazy? Because I cannot fathom a healthy father of 3 staying at home doing nothing for 7 months

WhispersOfWickedness · 04/03/2016 22:43

Goodness, sounds like there is a bit more to this than just the Mother's Day lie in Confused
We have a similar system in that DH has the Saturday lie in and I have the Sunday lie in and I take the DC to ballet at the crack of dawn on Saturday. Obviously that means we both get a 'proper' lie in as I get up and get them ready for dancing unless we have swapped days(for eg. Father's Day or if he has to go somewhere early on a Sunday which would prevent me getting a lie in), in which case he does everything on a Saturday including getting them dressed and ready for ballet and all I have to do is get up, dressed, grab something to eat and can head out of the door with minimal fuss.
Our major difference to your situation though, is that DH leaves every weekday morning at 7am and I am a SAHM, so I am the one getting up to deal with the DC, if the roles were reversed like they are in your household, I would be expecting DH to do everything involved in getting the children ready and to school Confused
In your situation, he also doesn't really need a lie in since he's getting them on weekdays as well!!

Hillfarmer · 04/03/2016 22:44

Forget Mother's Day...you need him to frickin' step up every single day. A Big Talk is necessary. Especially about why he hasn't actually stepped up heretofore.

Swipe left for the next trending thread