AIBU re: Mother's Day lie in?

[AlarmOnSnooze]

H and I have a system at weekends. We each have a lie in on one of the days, while the other gets up, does all child related stuff, breakfast etc.

We have been doing this for the last 8 months or so, and up until now, if for any reason the usual routine is disrupted (I have a lie in on Saturday, he has a lie in on Sunday) then we just take it on the chin. Eg, I had to get up early (stupidly early ie 4am) on my lie in day when we went on holiday recently. Such is life. I didn't get a replacement day, or ask to swap it, it's just how the dice fell.

In January, dd2's Saturday ballet class time changed. She now needs to be there by 9am. So not much of a lie in for me anymore, since I either need to be up to take her to ballet, or I need to be up to supervise the other dc if H takes her. Again, no complaint from me, that's the way life is. My only comment was to ask H to make sure everything was done by the time I got up, as I didn't want to be finishing off getting dc dressed, or sorting breakfast etc, on my lie in day.

So, earlier this evening, having put the dc to bed, H turned to me and said 'so, since it's Mothers Day on Sunday, do you want to keep your lie in as tomorrow (Saturday), or swap it for Sunday?' (Implication being if I keep it as tomorrow, then I'll be getting up on Sunday so he can have a lie in!)

AIBU to think this is a bit crap? He isn't working at the moment, so doesn't have to get up and get going particularly early in the week. I get up all week with the dc, sort breakfast and school stuff, do lunches, and take dc on school runs. He gets up and wanders about a bit, and may help with teeth cleaning, but that's it. And now he is resenting the fact that I might get an 'extra' lie in on Sunday (which isn't even an extra one, given I don't really get one on Saturday given the ballet time change).

Well, as predicted, I'm the one up with the children.

Dd2 is quietly fretting about how/when she can give me my present, as she needs H for that. He is still asleep (well, pretending to be - he was doing a good impression of it, and then dd1 shouted once too often for his liking (while I was getting dressed) and he miraculously managed to tell her off from full sleep (and go straight back to sleep again afterwards)

Happy Mothers Day everyone

So the question is what will you do about it?
I expect the answer will be 'nothing becauuuuse I lovvvve him'
He sounds like an utter arse

Your expected answer could not be further from the truth, Sharon.

Life is not simple or black and white. There is not only me to think about.

If the other people to consider are the kids you seem to care for them all by yourselves so how would they be affected?

And I know full well life isn't black and white. I also know you only live once and life regardless of how many years we are on this earth is far too short to spend a minute of it unappreciated unloved and taken for granted

Wow - this is possibly the most disturbing thread I've read on here. for you, OP. Seriously, you have one life. It sounds like your H is only good for bringing in £ - so divorce, get half of what you're entitled to and enjoy the life you have to its fullest. It sounds like you are well and truly chained to the home and children whilst he lives the life of a single man. Bollocks to that! Since when does he get to decide that you can't run for school parent governor? And yet that he can? What an absolute arse! The saddest thing here is that you seem to have such low self esteem, you've accepted this as normal. It is certainly not normal, far from it.

It's not so much that I have accepted it as normal. I know full well that it is not.

But it really isn't as simple as 'leave'.

I know I would be better off, certainly. And the dc would be too, emotionally, as it isn't great for them right now. But it isn't actually possible for one person to deal with the differing needs/ages of the dc full time. I certainly wouldn't even be able to take them to a park or pop into a shop for a loaf of bread by myself. He may not do anything around the house, but he is an extra pair of hands when desperately needed (although it does have to get to desperation point before he steps in)

It hasn't always been this extreme. He has always been work focussed, and therefore selfish, but this is new heights. Which is why I'm documenting it, probably.

I am trying to work a way through it. But there really isn't an obvious one.

He managed to wreck today - I don't mind, but the dc do. We were out, and the plan was to have lunch and play some mini golf. Post lunch, he suddenly remembered some vital job he needed to do at home, and there wasn't time for mini golf. Cue 3 disappointed children, as we've come home for him to do a job which he could have done at any time over the past week or so.

They'll survive, and I certainly will, but it was driven (I feel) more by him wanting to make sure we didn't do anything as a family for Mother's Day, rather than a necessity for getting the job done (he was faffing around before we went out, which made us late - my original plan was to play this morning and then have lunch). Again, this is a new level of, I don't know, almost spite from him.

And if we can't even have times where we work together for the good of the dc anymore, then that is pretty serious. And means I need to work out that way through it all that much faster.

Its unreasonable that he isn't pulling his weight at home. As neither of you are working outside he home, the domestic duties and childcare need to be split.

About the lie-in though...I don't really get why you are annoyed. He offered to swap lie-in days with you so he would have Sat and you could have Sun because you wanted to celebrate Mothers Day - that doesn't sound unreasonable to me!

It takes a special level of spite for a father to deliberately upset not only his wife on Mother's Day, but also his children with SN who had been promised an activity with their mum.