To be pissed off the ILs didn't acknowledge dd's first birthday?

[LMonkey]

Here's the situation and it may not be as bad as the title suggests. DD turned 1 yesterday and we had nothing in the way of happy birthday messages from my ILs. This means Mil, fil, bil and 2 sils. We are having a party for her at the weekend to which they're all coming and will no doubt give cards and presents. But to not acknowledge her on the actual day itself? We have a WhatsApp group chat set up between all of us and most days there is some kind of message/baby photo/something going on, so I'm really angry that no one took the time to send a birthday message, especially when one sil took the time to post yet another photo of her baby 'looking cute' that morning. We all have exactly the same calenders with each family members birthday printed on it so really there's no excuse. I just think it's really poor and its not the first time we've been over looked. I think it's especially bad on the grandparents as they don't have the excuse of young children running round as a distraction like the others do. I'm supposed to be hosting this party tomorrow and I'm just so annoyed with them! AIBU? And should I say something?

Yanbu, I don't think.

nanny I think I should have done that. OH put a video up of her and her brother where we went out for the day with no mention of it being her birthday as by that point we hadn't heard anything and wanted to see if people remembered without us prompting them too much. Maybe we should have put a caption about her birthday or something.

But you have acknowledged that - whereas it is important to "mark" the Birthday, it's not important that is has to be on the day of the birthday, by inviting everyone to celebrate it at the weekend. I don't see how you can complain at them following your lead.

Oh no, hang on - this is MN. The fact they are your in-laws automatically makes them wrong, I was forgetting that rule.

backforgood don't be ridiculous. I am not moaning just because they are my in laws. And of course it is important to mark the birthday on the actual day that she was born, hence my annoyance. I arranged it at the weekend so that people can actually attend.

Same usual. I've never known people irl have this strange attitude to birthdays.

I don't think YABU at all. If family can't even be bothered to send a two second electronic message when they are ALREADY ON the damn thing, it's a bit much to say the least.

PIL have been on holiday abroad on two (out of three) of DD's actual birthday days - we still got a phone call from them to wish her happy birthday (which is kind of a Big Deal for them, they're not too confident on mobiles in everyday life, never mind when they're out of the country).

I think that maybe you need to swallow the feelings you have for the sake of her party - maybe they'll redeem themselves slightly?

Thanks for all your replies. I think the mixed opinions have helped me realise that I am not necessarily BU, however I'm not going to bring it up with them as clearly they might not understand that they've done something wrong. Only frustrating thing is that they never seem to realise they've done anything wrong! But they are nice people so guess I'll just roll with it.

Thanks

as clearly they might not understand that they've done something wrong

Or more accurately:

'as clearly they might not understand that I think they've done something wrong'

They haven't done anything wrong. You just have different expectations.

It's a matter if opinion bluemoon. About 50% of posters on here agree that they have done something wrong. Others disagree. As I said it's not the first time we've been over looked. Let's just leave it at that.

Exactly my point LMonkey! You think they have done something wrong. They don't.

Different expectations.

Ah, see where you are coming from. I should have said 'they think they haven't done anything wrong.' That's what I mean't to say.

Exactly what BlueMoonRising said.
As you acknowledge, LMonkey, it's a pretty even split. It's a different way of thinking about something, or doing something. They aren't wrong, or haven't done anything wrong, you've just got a different expectation from them. It happens a lot when 2 families come together.