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AIBU?

To be pissed off the ILs didn't acknowledge dd's first birthday?

63 replies

LMonkey · 04/03/2016 19:59

Here's the situation and it may not be as bad as the title suggests. DD turned 1 yesterday and we had nothing in the way of happy birthday messages from my ILs. This means Mil, fil, bil and 2 sils. We are having a party for her at the weekend to which they're all coming and will no doubt give cards and presents. But to not acknowledge her on the actual day itself? We have a WhatsApp group chat set up between all of us and most days there is some kind of message/baby photo/something going on, so I'm really angry that no one took the time to send a birthday message, especially when one sil took the time to post yet another photo of her baby 'looking cute' that morning. We all have exactly the same calenders with each family members birthday printed on it so really there's no excuse. I just think it's really poor and its not the first time we've been over looked. I think it's especially bad on the grandparents as they don't have the excuse of young children running round as a distraction like the others do. I'm supposed to be hosting this party tomorrow and I'm just so annoyed with them! AIBU? And should I say something?

OP posts:

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grannytomine · 04/03/2016 21:37

A WhatsApp message would have been for your benefit not your daughters. If they arrive at the party without presents/cards then you would have every reason to be very annoyed.

Pidapie · 04/03/2016 21:37

I would still expect a birthday text or something like that. We did not get this either from SIL/BIL for our son's first birthday, and I was annoyed about it. We got a card later.

evelynj · 04/03/2016 21:43

Yab a bit U. My friend didn't tell her son when it was his 3rd birthday as the party wasn't til the weekend & she couldn't be bothered with double drama. They probably think they're saving all the fun for the party @ she won't know any better anyway. I'd still be pissed off tho

LMonkey · 04/03/2016 22:10

Thanks. Wow! Very mixed bag of opinions.
MrsH yes they are like this often. My OH is the youngest of 3 and was over looked as a child and this has carried on into adult life!

pommel thank you, we had a lovely day x

thumb that's terrible!! I would be furious. They're really missing out.

blue moon nope she's my second. But I feel just as precious about this one. Of course it's for my benefit! It's a very special day and its lovely for people to send birthday wishes. They're her grandparents ffs

Autumn it's not really OTT if you know all the facts. Fil is an artist and so had calenders made for us all for Christmas with his artwork and had family birthdays in them. The 'daily photos' aren't a dead cert; we have 5 young kids spread among 3 siblings so there are often nice/funny photos to look at (most of them come from the sil with the 3 month old). I dont do facebook so kind of see this as an alternative. I'm pretty sure a small family party is fairly reasonable for a first birthday?!

OP posts:

Xmasbaby11 · 04/03/2016 22:13

Yabu - they are coming to the party. How much attention do you want / need?!

LMonkey · 04/03/2016 22:16

doodle just read your post, that's really rubbish. I hope your twins enjoyed their birthday.

OP posts:

usual · 04/03/2016 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NinaSimoneful · 04/03/2016 22:17

I personally think YAB a bit U, they probably think it's fine to wait til they see you. I'm sorry you're hurt by it though.

My DM and DBs aren't even sure when DDs birthday is. DB has written it down so he probably does now. DM still isn't sure! The week after DDs birthday she asked 'is it this Wednesday?' despite the fact that we'd rang her on DDs birthday.

I don't mind though. She's a loving grandmother who dotes on DD when they get together. I think that's better than an indifferent GM who knows exactly when to post a card.

LMonkey · 04/03/2016 22:21

xmasbaby it's really not about getting attention my dear. It's about CLOSE RELATIVES wishing my baby a happy birthday when everyone else in the family gets a 'happy birthday'. Fucking hell.

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arethereanyleftatall · 04/03/2016 22:24

I'm in the 'cba with this shit' camp.

Wouldn't occur to me to send such a text, wouldn't bother me to not receive one.

I'm a perfectly nice person but this sort of thing isn't a priority for me.

usual · 04/03/2016 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LMonkey · 04/03/2016 22:28

Nina you're absolutely right, and they are loving grandparents. I guess it's partly that I have a bee in my bonnet about various other times that we've been forgotten about.

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JanetOfTheApes · 04/03/2016 22:31

You're really angry that no-one texted a birthday message to a child too young to read or understand a message? Or even know its their birthday? And they are coming to a party and will bring gifts?

Of course YABU!

It's about CLOSE RELATIVES wishing my baby a happy birthday when everyone else in the family gets a 'happy birthday'. Fucking hell

Your baby can't read. Or understand WTF happy birthday might mean. Fucking hell.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/03/2016 22:31

No usual. Wouldn't cross my mind.

NinaSimoneful · 04/03/2016 22:34

No I can see why you're upset. For some people the exact date is important and you're just looking for a bit of acknowledgement. But for others it's enough - for them - to remember roughly when the birthday is. I'm fine with my family knowing DDs birthday is 'mid-Feb' but that doesn't mean I think everyone should be okay with that.

VagueIdeas · 04/03/2016 22:35

I'm genuinely surprised people think YABU.

I would be surprised and hurt if my parents or in laws didn't acknowledge their grandchild's first birthday on the day itself.

usual · 04/03/2016 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usual · 04/03/2016 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood · 04/03/2016 22:39

YABU.
She is too little to know what day it is or read a message.
They are coming to celebrate her birthday - as you have said - no doubt bringin cards and present then. There is no point in sending a 1 yr old a message on her birthday.

VelvetCushion · 04/03/2016 22:44

Yanbu

LotsOfShoes · 04/03/2016 22:47

Yanbu! I'm surprised by people's responses. I know she can't read and doesn't know what's going on, I think the first birthday is more about the parents. I would be really upset if my own parents wouldn't acknowledge my child's first birthday.

Nanny0gg · 04/03/2016 23:06

Did you not put a photo of her on your joint Whatsapp? I would have done that anyway (and yes, expected something to be said by family)

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ShelaghTurner · 04/03/2016 23:20

YANBU. Other people's families obviously don't work the same but we would expect an acknowledgement on the birthday the same as we would wish happy birthday to the nieces and nephews. It doesn't matter a bit if the child can read it or not.

Also, whatsapp groups not in the slightest OTT. There are lots of us in different parts of the world and it's nice to be able to see pics of the kids and have a quick catch up. And for my family who are all local it's easier for a 'anyone up for Sunday lunch at such and such' message than ringing round individually.

BackforGood · 04/03/2016 23:26

I would be really upset if my own parents wouldn't acknowledge my child's first birthday

But the are acknowleding it. They are coming to the celebration of it at the weekend.

usual · 04/03/2016 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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