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AIBU?

To be pissed off the ILs didn't acknowledge dd's first birthday?

63 replies

LMonkey · 04/03/2016 19:59

Here's the situation and it may not be as bad as the title suggests. DD turned 1 yesterday and we had nothing in the way of happy birthday messages from my ILs. This means Mil, fil, bil and 2 sils. We are having a party for her at the weekend to which they're all coming and will no doubt give cards and presents. But to not acknowledge her on the actual day itself? We have a WhatsApp group chat set up between all of us and most days there is some kind of message/baby photo/something going on, so I'm really angry that no one took the time to send a birthday message, especially when one sil took the time to post yet another photo of her baby 'looking cute' that morning. We all have exactly the same calenders with each family members birthday printed on it so really there's no excuse. I just think it's really poor and its not the first time we've been over looked. I think it's especially bad on the grandparents as they don't have the excuse of young children running round as a distraction like the others do. I'm supposed to be hosting this party tomorrow and I'm just so annoyed with them! AIBU? And should I say something?

OP posts:

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BackforGood · 05/03/2016 23:37

Exactly what BlueMoonRising said.
As you acknowledge, LMonkey, it's a pretty even split. It's a different way of thinking about something, or doing something. They aren't wrong, or haven't done anything wrong, you've just got a different expectation from them. It happens a lot when 2 families come together.

BlueMoonRising · 05/03/2016 21:35

Ah, see where you are coming from. I should have said 'they think they haven't done anything wrong.' That's what I mean't to say.

BlueMoonRising · 05/03/2016 21:33

Exactly my point LMonkey! You think they have done something wrong. They don't.

Different expectations.

LMonkey · 05/03/2016 21:25

It's a matter if opinion bluemoon. About 50% of posters on here agree that they have done something wrong. Others disagree. As I said it's not the first time we've been over looked. Let's just leave it at that.

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BlueMoonRising · 05/03/2016 21:11

as clearly they might not understand that they've done something wrong

Or more accurately:

'as clearly they might not understand that I think they've done something wrong'

They haven't done anything wrong. You just have different expectations.

LMonkey · 05/03/2016 08:42

Thanks for all your replies. I think the mixed opinions have helped me realise that I am not necessarily BU, however I'm not going to bring it up with them as clearly they might not understand that they've done something wrong. Only frustrating thing is that they never seem to realise they've done anything wrong! But they are nice people so guess I'll just roll with it.

Thanks

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TurquoiseCat · 05/03/2016 00:50

I don't think YABU at all. If family can't even be bothered to send a two second electronic message when they are ALREADY ON the damn thing, it's a bit much to say the least.

PIL have been on holiday abroad on two (out of three) of DD's actual birthday days - we still got a phone call from them to wish her happy birthday (which is kind of a Big Deal for them, they're not too confident on mobiles in everyday life, never mind when they're out of the country).

I think that maybe you need to swallow the feelings you have for the sake of her party - maybe they'll redeem themselves slightly?

Alisvolatpropiis · 05/03/2016 00:16

Same usual. I've never known people irl have this strange attitude to birthdays.

usual · 05/03/2016 00:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LMonkey · 04/03/2016 23:56

backforgood don't be ridiculous. I am not moaning just because they are my in laws. And of course it is important to mark the birthday on the actual day that she was born, hence my annoyance. I arranged it at the weekend so that people can actually attend.

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BackforGood · 04/03/2016 23:43

But you have acknowledged that - whereas it is important to "mark" the Birthday, it's not important that is has to be on the day of the birthday, by inviting everyone to celebrate it at the weekend. I don't see how you can complain at them following your lead.

Oh no, hang on - this is MN. The fact they are your in-laws automatically makes them wrong, I was forgetting that rule.

LMonkey · 04/03/2016 23:40

nanny I think I should have done that. OH put a video up of her and her brother where we went out for the day with no mention of it being her birthday as by that point we hadn't heard anything and wanted to see if people remembered without us prompting them too much. Maybe we should have put a caption about her birthday or something.

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Alisvolatpropiis · 04/03/2016 23:38

Yanbu, I don't think.

usual · 04/03/2016 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood · 04/03/2016 23:26

I would be really upset if my own parents wouldn't acknowledge my child's first birthday

But the are acknowleding it. They are coming to the celebration of it at the weekend.

ShelaghTurner · 04/03/2016 23:20

YANBU. Other people's families obviously don't work the same but we would expect an acknowledgement on the birthday the same as we would wish happy birthday to the nieces and nephews. It doesn't matter a bit if the child can read it or not.

Also, whatsapp groups not in the slightest OTT. There are lots of us in different parts of the world and it's nice to be able to see pics of the kids and have a quick catch up. And for my family who are all local it's easier for a 'anyone up for Sunday lunch at such and such' message than ringing round individually.

Nanny0gg · 04/03/2016 23:06

Did you not put a photo of her on your joint Whatsapp? I would have done that anyway (and yes, expected something to be said by family)

LotsOfShoes · 04/03/2016 22:47

Yanbu! I'm surprised by people's responses. I know she can't read and doesn't know what's going on, I think the first birthday is more about the parents. I would be really upset if my own parents wouldn't acknowledge my child's first birthday.

VelvetCushion · 04/03/2016 22:44

Yanbu

BackforGood · 04/03/2016 22:39

YABU.
She is too little to know what day it is or read a message.
They are coming to celebrate her birthday - as you have said - no doubt bringin cards and present then. There is no point in sending a 1 yr old a message on her birthday.

usual · 04/03/2016 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usual · 04/03/2016 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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VagueIdeas · 04/03/2016 22:35

I'm genuinely surprised people think YABU.

I would be surprised and hurt if my parents or in laws didn't acknowledge their grandchild's first birthday on the day itself.

NinaSimoneful · 04/03/2016 22:34

No I can see why you're upset. For some people the exact date is important and you're just looking for a bit of acknowledgement. But for others it's enough - for them - to remember roughly when the birthday is. I'm fine with my family knowing DDs birthday is 'mid-Feb' but that doesn't mean I think everyone should be okay with that.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/03/2016 22:31

No usual. Wouldn't cross my mind.

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