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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not let my MIL babysit and cancel this weekend away if we have to?

97 replies

laggielatcher · 04/03/2016 14:31

DH has booked a weekend away just us 2 for my 40th and our 15yr wedding anniversary. He has said he is going to ask his Mum to babysit. I'm torn over this.

I will start by saying I am a little dog phobic. Was badly attacked by one as a child and still have the scars to prove it. I'm OK around small dogs that I know and are well trained and happy to let DC play with them etc.

MIL has just rescued a dog from her local dogs home (not 100% sure on breed sorry) but it's a "big" dog. Very little is known about it's past- but MIL herself told me it barred it's teeth at a child who got over excited when they were out walking a few weeks ago.

She treats it like a baby- it's allowed to go anywhere in the house, sleeps on her bed, eats off her plates etc. She keeps asking me to bring DC (3 and 16 months) round to meet him.

She is quite an irresponsible dog owner. I'm not in anyway suggesting she gets rid as she is very lonely atm- DFil passed away at Halloween and she is quite isolated so the dog is her only company some days. But she has no training regime and the dog runs riot around the house. This is all at DMILs admission and from what we have seen on Skype.

She had a collie previously who ended up having to get put down because it got out of her garden and was run over. It was completely barking. The dog was lovely and wasn't aggressive but it would jump all over eldest DC when he was tiny and would push him over when he was toddling about. MIL didn't understand what the "big deal was and to see it as a learning curve for him". She would never put the dog outside when I came round with him- the best we got was he would be locked in the kitchen and would howl the place down and then you would get jumped all over if you went in for a cup of tea or whatever. Me and DH would argue with her continuously with her over this and then when her collie was run over while we felt sorry for her we couldn't help but feel "we told you so". DFil was the same when he was alive.

I don't want to pass my phobia on to my DC at all. I really don't- i'm happy for them to be around dogs and may even consider getting a small, trainable one ourselves when they are old enough to help care for it.

Now the issue:

We don't have many friends around here (or ones that would babysit for 3 nights anyway) and my family live abroad. Our options are either MIL who is an hours drive away and 30 mins away from the airport we are flying from or SIL and her DP who live at the other end of the country so to take them to SIL we would have to take extra days off work, drive up and drop the DC off and double back on ourselves to get to the airport and drive up to collect them which will be added expense with fuel.

MIL won't kennel the dog. She has never liked kennels and if she has gone on holiday in the past when she had a dog she would send it to SIL or DP had it when he lived alone.

DP doesn't want to drive to SILs. I don't want the DC going to MILs where there is a dog who will be a pampered brat and who's history we don't know anything about and has shown aggressive tendencies. Both will be more than happy to babysit

I've told DP unless he comes up with a solution we will have to cancel the weekend away. He has gone off to work in a sulk.

AIBU?

OP posts:
diddl · 04/03/2016 15:50

Him was the husband to leave behind yes, & the friend a different person to take with.
sorry for not being clearBlush
Grin

coconutpie · 04/03/2016 15:53

No way would I let your DC visit with that dog there, nevermind stay over. Take the kids with you. Your husband was being stupid booking a holiday without proper childcare in place first.

Strokethefurrywall · 04/03/2016 15:56

Nope - I'm a dog owner too, with two young children, and I definitely would not be comfortable with this situation.

It's the multitude of factors that swing it for me. I'd be happy for baby to stay with MIL if her dog was well trained, well supervised and treated like a dog instead of a baby, even as a rescue. I'd be happy if MIL realized that her grandchild comes first and not the dog.

I'd not be happy with a rescue with no history, with no knowledge of how it behaves around children, especially with your MIL's obvious laissez-fair attitude. Recipe for disaster.

MrsSteptoe · 04/03/2016 15:58

Bugger the sulking DH. Cancel. Dogs are unpredictable, sentient animals and dog owners who do not appreciate that are inherently dangerous as childminders. YANBU, and your husband is (to be fair to him) probably rather like my DH and just does not believe "things" will ever happen.

I always find it puzzling how few men people seem to recognise that risk is not only about probability. It's about the severity of outcome. I have never had an accident in which my seat belt has made the slightest difference. But I wouldn't dream of going without one.

Anyway, you are not going to enjoy the weekend away if you're worrying about your DC.

MrsSteptoe · 04/03/2016 16:00

*I like dogs, by the way. And my DS has been around dogs all his life. But while children are very small, even well-trained dogs need monitoring, and if they're not well-trained, they shouldn't be around small children at all. So when I say they're unpredictable, I'm not saying all kids should be kept away from all dogs.

diddl · 04/03/2016 16:05

"'Take a friend & leave him with the kids?'"

Mind you, it'll probably be on here soon.

"Friends invited me to theirs for the weekend & when I arrived they pissed off & left me the kids to look after. Saying, with a head tilt 'didn't we say that we wouldn't be here?'"

BlueEyesAndDarkChocolate · 04/03/2016 16:19

Don't take the risk.

I am a dog owner and I love my dog to bits. But my kids were not little when we got her, 7 years ago, and she's very unsure of toddlers. Generally dogs find toddlers a bit erratic and it freaks them out. A child visited us here (4 years old and very hyper) and as much as I love my dog, I could see she was unhappy with this little person and I have no doubt she would have been capable of snapping if provoked.

Could MIL place the dog with a home boarder?

5608Carrie · 04/03/2016 16:27

YANBU I am dog owner / lover but you don't leave young children unattended near a dog. Ever.

A dog is an animal. It can't tell you if its having a bad day or if it has toothache etc etc Children always need to come before the dog!

MissingPanda · 04/03/2016 16:28

YANBU it sounds like a receipe for disaster. Your DH needs to grow up and stop behaving like a sulky child.

albertcampionscat · 04/03/2016 16:34

We have two cuddly, non-aggressive and very well trained (not by us) cats. I still wouldn't leave them unsupervised with a small child.

albertcampionscat · 04/03/2016 16:35

Oh yeah, and what Leedy said.

Puppymouse · 04/03/2016 16:40

I'm dog-obsessed, have a biggish dog at home and wouldn't want my DD around your MiL's dog without me supervising. You are def NBU

blaeberry · 04/03/2016 16:40

Hierarchy in dog packs is established partly by who gets to sleep next to the alpha (MIL) and eat with the alpha. The dog will consider your dc further down the hierarchy that he is which is a recipe for disaster. YADNBU

Spandexpants007 · 04/03/2016 16:43

I would fly one of your relatives to yours

MoltoIncazzata · 04/03/2016 16:45

Despite MisstressDeeCee 's prediction, I expect that most dog owners will tell you that YANBU

This.

We are dog owners - and rescue dogs at that - and I take great pains to ensure that one of my dogs is 100% supervised near children. This based on him once growling at one - no showing of teeth.
Sorry OP, but I couldn't leave a child in the situation you describe. Apart from anything else how could you enjoy your weekend for worrying?

SloaneRanger88 · 04/03/2016 16:45

Yanbu
I'm a dog owner, I wouldn't leave my DC with a dog with unknown history even if it had been behaving like an angel.

I would cancel op, you wouldn't be able to enjoy it for worrying about DC safety anyway.

Greydog · 04/03/2016 16:50

as a dog owner and lover, I wouldn't leave the child with this woman and her dog

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 04/03/2016 16:52

Can you not drive to SIL leave car and fly from their local airport? Then same on the way back?

jollygoose · 04/03/2016 16:55

it is very likely that the dog will be jealous of the attention given to your dc which could result in harm to one of your dc, yanbu don`t take the risk.

BeeRose30 · 04/03/2016 17:06

YANBU! No truly experienced dog owner would ever think this is an acceptable situation. I'm quite shocked that your DH would be happy with this. Has he thought about the potential consequences?! Take a friend away and leave grumpy DH to take care of your DCs. It's just not worth the risk.

Sonotkylie · 04/03/2016 17:13

YANBU. All stuff about dog's history and MIL control are relevant, but add to that your children are also quite unpredictable ages, and its a disaster waiting to happen.

I sympathise with your DH a bit though - he obviously wants it to work and is being a bit blind (OK a lot blind). Give him a big drink and talk it through. Good luck

DinosaursRoar · 04/03/2016 17:36

Cancel. Or see if you can take a friend so your DH stays at home with your DCs. Or pay for one of your family to fly in. Or see if you can hire a nanny for the weekend. (the last 2 are the expensive options)

Aeroflotgirl · 04/03/2016 17:38

From what you have described, absolutely no and that's final!

RitaVinTease · 04/03/2016 17:39

I am a lifelong dog owner that grew up with both big and little snappy dogs.

YANBU. Dont leave your child with that dog.
There have been child deaths in the UK from rehomed large breed dogs. That is not scaremongering and you are not over reacting.

DinosaursRoar · 04/03/2016 17:40

There are lots of options, but make it clear that leaving your DCs with MIL if the dog will also be there isn't an option for you, and you will not get on the plane in that situation, so your DH can't just strop up, he has to help you look for a solution to the problem, not just hope the problem goes away.