To not want to share my medical history with the other parents in the playground?

[Obliviated]

We have a system at the primary school where you have to queue up to pick up your child. There are about 30 parents in the queue, takes about 10 minutes to get through everyone.

I have a problem with my hips, they separated after the birth of my youngest child and although some days they aren't to much of a problem, other days it's very painful to walk and stand, especially when it's cold. I also have a severe prolapse that I'm awaiting surgery for.

I walk up to the school and usually sit on a bench in view of the door so the teacher can see I'm there. Another mum who I know well queues and asks for my child with hers. It's never been a problem as the teacher can see I'm there.

Except that yesterday the teacher said my child couldn't come out until last, because I hadn't queued. I was totally embarrassed because it was said loudly in front of everyone and I sat and waited until the end. I asked him why he hadn't let Ds out with his friend as he usually did and he said that someone had complained that I don't queue like everyone else.

I explained my problem and he was very much of the view that as he hadnt known then there was nothing he could do about it, and that I didn't look like I had any issues. I said he could have quietly spoken to me instead of making a point in front of everyone. He said that it was his responsibility to ensure that the queuing system was used etc.

I have to take a letter from the doctor to enable me to sit on a bench for 5 minutes. And put up with dirty looks and comments from the other parents unless I explain myself to them. It's not like I turn up last and expect to have my child sent out first - I walk into the playground with the other mum, she goes to queue and I sit down. He comes out at the same time as he would if I had been standing right next to her.

I'm not looking forward to the playground this afternoon.

Perhaps he could show at the next parents' evening?

Seriously, I hope it went well. If I were you I would be minded to put a short factual complaint into the head. That teacher needs some training.

I hope you get it sorted OP without having to educate a teacher on disabilities

Really silly. I think next time you should say "oh no I'm not Obliviated, I am her Doppelgänger. I am [friend's] butler/lover/chiropodist and I just happen to be accompanying her while she collects her and Obliviated's children".

I would complain about him. Board of governors? LEA? Absoloute arse he is. I think he is bang out of order. Why do you need a doctor's note to sit on a bench? I think his behaviour is disgraceful.

What about picking up at the last minute so you can walk straight in.

Or maybe you could suggest to him the system in my GP's surgery for people who queue to get an appointment when the surgery opens (same day appointments). Instead of getting everyone to stand, the first person to arrive gets a ticket with a '1' on it, the second person, a '2' etc. Once appointments open at 8.30am the receptionists call the patients over to in order to book their appointments.

It works in the surgery and is very civilised. It may not work so well in your situation, but it may help him see that he is being ridiculous.

As a v sick person this has enraged me. Esp the bitchy parent.

I agree w pp and would go the all guns blazing route and in really graphic detail tell the cunt with issues ALL about YOUR issues with your cunt.

30 mins queuing to collect child after school. That is some crap system. I'd be getting there at the end of the 30 mins - prolapse or no prolapse.

Another one here agreeing that you should inform the HT of what has happened and why you cannot stand to queue - and I had prolapses (uterus, bladder, rectum and urethra - urethral one still there but doesn't bother me too much).
I was honest about mine because it stopped any more questions, and hopefully removed some of the stigma around prolapse.
(I'll get off my soapbox now!)

I'd be livid and told that teacher a thing or two!! Speak to the HT, explain reasons and get them to resolve issue with teacher and address their ignorance and attitude!

I keep thinking ..Does he make any talkers move to the back of the line.... It sounds a ridiculous system..Why not make the children line up and then hand them to the appropriate parent/ carer.. Ten minutes to hand out 30 kids is crackers...

However on the other matter.. I hope he has realised how wrong he is today but guessing not.. Is he a NQT who is listening to the wrong people..

Nobody even a school has the right to request information that they are not entitled to have and that they do not have a legitimate reason for obtaining. Doing so is actually breaching the law and several DOE guidelines.

Very few (off the top of my head I cannot think of any) normal day to day reasonable accomadations require a disibility to be evidenced.

No way would I be providing them with medical info. Doing so means that the asker carries on thinking they are entitled to ask as do others around them. Reminding them they are not allowed to ask for things they shouldn't have nips it in the bud.

One day a member of this school could be asking for some very serious 'evidence' that they really really shouldn't be privy to that will be provided by someone more vulnerable because they will percieve the 'school' to be an authoritive body who must be obeyed.

Oh and who ever said this

The other parents don't know your issues so they would just assume you can't be bothered to queue like everyone else. It's not up to the teacher to sort this out. How would you prefer to have this arrangement of sitting down but keep your medical issue private?

Change your default setting from "all people are chancing arseholes trying to take advantage of me or take the piss" to something like "I expect that person has a legit requirement for x" when it comes to dealing with day to day life.

Your outlook on the world will much improve life will become nicer for you and everybody connected to you.

OP that's awful, please do not provide a doctor's note! How dare the teacher even ask!? What a cheek!!!

I have Rhemautoid Arthritis and have had it since a toddler. It was at its worst when I was in secondary school. Most teachers were aware and were relatively sympathetic. The school I attended was on two sites, separated by two fields. When I was in year 8 I was based at 'Lower' school and PE was undertaken at 'Upper' school. I had exemption from PE due to a flare up and also exemption from walking to 'Upper' school because even short distance walking could cause my knees to swell badly. One term we had a new PE teacher (straight out of college) and when he called the register and I wasn't present my friends explained why I wasn't there and that I was in the library in 'lower' school. He wouldn't accept this explanation so called the school secretary at 'lower' school and told her to tell me to walk to upper school as I had to be present in the sports hall even if I wasn't taking part. She explained the situation but he wouldn't accept it from her either and I was made to walk to the other school. By the time I got there my knees were horrendously swollen and I could barely walk. He shouted at me in front of the whole class and told me it was unacceptable for me not to come to the sports hall, even if I was excused. I tried to explain that all this had previously been agreed between the school nurse, head of PE and head of year but again he wouldn't accept it. I therefore pulled my trouser legs up and showed him my knees which were horribly deformed from the swelling and he nearly passed out!! Lol!! Needless to say he was very apologetic and was as nice as pie for the rest of my time at that school.

Hope you got on ok yesterday afternoon OP?

YANBU. How dare they! Some people need to get a fudging life.
Do not provide them a doctors note, tell the school to shove it. Definitely talk to the head. What a bunch of twats. Why are people such wankers?

I have pelvic and spinal issues after pregnancy and birth too and it's so hard. I hope the prolapse is solved with surgery at least but presume you will still have the pelvic pain and instability so this isn't temporary at all. And no, unlike Fig, I don't think anyone needs to know why at all. They should accept you have mobility problems and no more. I try to get to the playground just on time so I don't need to wait at all but it can mean being a little late if I can't walk quite as fast as the day before. I use a sacroiliac belt which helps but a walking stick is very tempting but I feel too embarrassed - I have a fold up one just in case. It's a shame people are so judgemental and narrow minded, it's not hard to imagine why someone would sit every day while everyone stands. I was looking at badges the other day for invisible disabilities, it's awful to need to consider but as a 'young' woman with less obvious mobility and pain issues I'm automatically considered able bodied and ignored/pushed into/expected to quickly dodge and swerve/stand on public transport.

YANBU Op. Some people need to wind their necks in. I get sick of people who complain that disabled people get something that makes their very difficult lives a little bit easier. I would not be providing the school with a Dr 's note either. It's none of their business. Anyway hope you're ok, Op.