To not want to share my medical history with the other parents in the playground?

[Obliviated]

We have a system at the primary school where you have to queue up to pick up your child. There are about 30 parents in the queue, takes about 10 minutes to get through everyone.

I have a problem with my hips, they separated after the birth of my youngest child and although some days they aren't to much of a problem, other days it's very painful to walk and stand, especially when it's cold. I also have a severe prolapse that I'm awaiting surgery for.

I walk up to the school and usually sit on a bench in view of the door so the teacher can see I'm there. Another mum who I know well queues and asks for my child with hers. It's never been a problem as the teacher can see I'm there.

Except that yesterday the teacher said my child couldn't come out until last, because I hadn't queued. I was totally embarrassed because it was said loudly in front of everyone and I sat and waited until the end. I asked him why he hadn't let Ds out with his friend as he usually did and he said that someone had complained that I don't queue like everyone else.

I explained my problem and he was very much of the view that as he hadnt known then there was nothing he could do about it, and that I didn't look like I had any issues. I said he could have quietly spoken to me instead of making a point in front of everyone. He said that it was his responsibility to ensure that the queuing system was used etc.

I have to take a letter from the doctor to enable me to sit on a bench for 5 minutes. And put up with dirty looks and comments from the other parents unless I explain myself to them. It's not like I turn up last and expect to have my child sent out first - I walk into the playground with the other mum, she goes to queue and I sit down. He comes out at the same time as he would if I had been standing right next to her.

I'm not looking forward to the playground this afternoon.

A doctor's note to sit on the school bench???

Now I really have heard it all.

If I saw someone sitting down as others were queuing my first thought I'm ashamed to admit might not be that they were unable to queue, but I'd also be thinking, good for them, now who can I find to queue for me?

Oh and if he decided to let yourchild out last, why didn't he just do it without the pantomime?

Apart from the fact thatthey should have discreetly asked if it were possible for you to queue with the others.

The answer then obviously being no as if it was then you would.

End of discussion.

In fact he should justhave assumed that there was a reason & told the other mum to mind her own bloody business.

ArgelianArgelian "I'll discuss my medical history with you when you show me your medical degree."

I love that - definitely one I will file away for future use.

I should add that I think you are perfectly entitled to be absolutely furious with the teacher, I just know from experience that you tend to get a better response from schools if you keep things short, factual and unemotional. Anything else just ends up with the situation being turned around and you somehow becoming the one in the wrong.

oh and as for 'The other parents don't know your issues...'

Why should they?

Nothing to do with them

Thanks everyone.

I am just off on the school run and will make my appointment with the head too. I'm planning to sit on the bench as usual and ignore any comments that I get. I told the teacher when I spoke to him that the other mum has permission to take my Ds with hers, regardless of where I am in the playground. He's such a push over that I can easily see him agreeing with the other parents just because it was the easiest option. I asked him also whether he was planning to stand and watch the queue and send anyone who walked over to stand with a friend to the back, or whether it was just me that he chose to single out. He just kept saying that he had to be fair to everyone.

Hopefully he won't act like a twat again today.

I have a child with SN so I'm more than used to fighting for his rights, I just never thought to apply it to myself.

I'm furious on your behalf, the cheeky officious twat! Hope you get to speak to the Head soon.

If I saw you sitting down op, I'd mind my own bloody business and get on with collecting my child.

The teacher is out of line and sooooooo wrong. Just keep doing what you're doing and try not to worry what anyone else is thinking.

I'm just trying to work out in what way your arrangement causes disadvantage to anyone. If you were queueing to get something - say tickets to Wimbledon - or into a rock concert or the nativity play - then of course getting a friend to queue for you would give you an advantage.

But in this case, what does anyone else lose? Let's imagine everyone cottons onto your brilliant wheeze and next time, 10 parents queue up, collect 3 kids each and disperse them to their relevant parents who have been waiting like slackers on the benches. Queuing time reduced from 10 to 3 minutes, kids all go home with the right parent, teacher gets off 7 minutes earlier. Problem being?

He just kept saying that he had to be fair to everyone.

Epic fail there, then.

I hope you meet with a sensible HT.

That really is so disgusting OP. You would be right to speak to the HT. That teacher tried to humiliate you in front of others and the sheer breathtaking rudeness and presumption of "you don't seem to have any issues" really gives me the rage.

This is just a thought, but a good friend of mine has a kind of arthritis where she has good days and really bad days. On those bad days she uses a cane (which she has customised so it's actually kind of nice). She doesn't lean on it, and it doesn't really help her, however it gives an outward signal to people that she might need a little extra time to get off a bus, or climb stairs. She notices that people are more patient and solicitous when she has uses it, and so for her it's just a practical solution.

THIS is why it is impossible to get a GP appointment. Not only is it a crap way to treat you, OP, but demanding a doctor's note is an outrageous waste of NHS time & money.

How'd it go op? So sorry about this. I'm an early years practitioner and I feel strongly that inclusion isn't a value that we just extend to the children in our setting, but out to the care givers and the wider community. I really hope the person who mumbled about 'being fair' was flustered

Posted too soon. Flustered rather than poorly trained. Either way I would organise a chat with the CT/HT about it. I fully expect an unreserved apology! And as for the sniffy parents. That's harder. You shouldn't have to educate people, but I might be inclined to open up a discussion with a few of the other parents about your problems. Although from what I've seen, and from what you say, it's not normal for people to not appreciate that disabilities are not always obvious.

Quite possibly nobody did complain. It is more likely that someone tried to do what you do (let a friend collect their child while they wait) and the teacher is put out that his ridiculous queuing system is being circumnavigated. Nothing would surprise me considering that he thinks it would be appropriate to go to the doctor and get a note for something like this.

He just kept saying that he had to be fair to everyone

Fuck sake. They implement a ridiculous 'system' and then to be fair to everyone they make utterly fuckwittingly stupid demands that mean nothing. Who gives a shiny shit if you are queuing or sitting or doing a one handed handstand picking feathers out of your arse as you wait for your child. NOBODY. As long as you are there, they shouldn't give a shit which position your body is in to receive your child.

Utter fuckwits.

I would not assume you were too lazy to queue or need an fucking explanation. that because I have an actual functioning brain in my damn head.

I would be wording a snotty letter to the fuckwitted self obsessed 'teacher'.

This one?

Is there any way you can make a point by next week borrowing some crutches/frame/walking aid/camping chair and use that to queue.

Not all disabilities/injuries are visible. Any other parent that complained sounds like a busy body. How is your sitting down impeding their life, really?

angry on your behalf OP.

I would get the doctors note and ensure all of the teachers have seen it. That teacher that called you out in front of everyone else? I would put in a complaint about his attitude. It's not on really.

I would get the doctors note

Please don't encourage the OP to waste a GP's time (luckily it sounds as if the OP is far too sensible to do so). You could be depriving someone who really needs to see a doctor of the chance. Next time you try to get a GP appointment and can't, remember that 2 million appointments a year are wasted on requests like this which have nothing to do with the NHS.

Unless it's inconvenient for you, quite honestly I'd just start turning up 10 minutes after the end of school when the queue has gone and you can walk straight to the door and pick your child up. Queuing system sounds ridiculous anyway!

i have a variety of walking aids . One is a walking stick with large handles that open out into a seat. i got it from a horsey supplier. It is invaluable when i HAVE to sit down and there is no seat.