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AIBU?

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Original poster

to have reduced my offer?

166 replies

Ididthattoo · 04/03/2016 12:08

My husband and I have been looking for a house for a very long time. We found one nice house and we made an offer on it (which was accepted).

However, we found out that there is a small electricity substation behind the garden fence and there might be knotweed too. The area behind the garden is a green footpath that leads to a small park.

We had the emf emissions measured from the substation and they are normal. However, the surveyor said that it might affects saleability.

I am very anxious and haven't slept because of these issues. My husband says there are risks everywhere and we should just go ahead.

So, I have decided to offer about 7% less than what we originally offered in order to take into account of the increased risk. I would have just pulled out but the house is really nice and we are tired of looking.

What is your opinion on this? Am I being unreasonable? Am I mad in seeing risks everywhere or do you think there is a real problem?

I would really appreciate your views, I don't know what to think any more.

Thanks.

OP posts:
Thelwell · 05/03/2016 07:15

If we lose 50% of the value so be it, it will be an expensive lesson for my husband but maybe one he needs

OP, I don't mean to be unkind, but I have a feeling, sadly, that the lesson would also be for you.

Based on your posts implying the lack of respect your husband is placing on your opinion, I would not be buying any house with him at all.

Good luck.

Duckdeamon · 05/03/2016 07:19

If you are feeling that way about it, don't buy it.

You don't "owe" your DH this - such a HUGE, expensive thing! Hard to get out of - to make up for your perceived previous decisions on potential homes that he disagreed with . Who's to say your reasons for not buying those ones were unreasonable either, apart from him?

If you now feel you were unreasonable on past houses you could compromise on a future house. Or look further afield, take new approaches to finding one you both really like, or just wait longer.

Knotweed is not a minor "compromise" type issue IMO.

Can you really afford the risk of losing a lot of money on the house? That would affect family finances massively, for many years, and narrow your future options.

This sounds like a relationship issue.

Duckdeamon · 05/03/2016 07:22

What concerns me is that you seem to feel like you have no choices here, when you really do. And that your husband's wishes should prevail.

Why do you think this? It sounds like he has been saying and doing things to get you to do what he wants.

OliviaBenson · 05/03/2016 07:35

You seem extremely anxious op. I wonder if your DH is at the end of his tether with you? What were the reasons you pulled out of other houses? I wonder if there is an element of self sabotage here.

It sounds to me like you have been googling about substations and worked yourself up on that basis. The knotweed, your op says it may have it- what info did you find to say it might be present? I agree with other posters about its impacts but it sounds as if you haven't got anything conclusive on it.

Why do you say you can't relax in houses? Sorry to ask more questions, to me it just seems like there is more to this.

Original poster
Ididthattoo · 05/03/2016 07:36

I feel like I have no choices. I feel like I am the crazy one worrying about everything whilst in reality these things (substation, knotweed) don't really matter.

So I don't know what to think any more. I am normally the main decision maker on everything else, just on this I am house-phobic.

He says not owning a house makes him feel "not settled" and it is bad for the children.

We can't afford to lose 50% of the value (we can't afford to lose anything) as every penny is already spoken for for the next 10 years so no, we are not mega rich.

And maybe if we live them forever and never have to resell, then these things don't matter.

I was just dreaming of a little Victorian house somewhere central (zone 2 or so). Instead we are going to buy something bigger in zone 4, with a long long walk to the tube and all these problems.

I guess life doesn't really go the way you plan it

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 05/03/2016 07:40

substation, knotweed, long way from the tube are all significant drawbacks. please trust yourself. i can see your husband is desperate but this isn't a good deal. see what the vendor's discount offer is. find out what the mortgage company say, and make sure to tell them about the knotweed!

Wolpertinger · 05/03/2016 07:44

Every single property you see will have something wrong will it. Especially a little Victorian house.

If you can't see it, you'll find out when you are living in it.

Substation would be a non-issue for many buyers.

The knotweed may or may not be an issue - you don't know it's there, council despite how incompetent you think they are have actually done work on it, everyone in the street is living happily in houses not devastated by knotweed.

If the knotweed is an issue for you the sensible thing would be to look elsewhere, not make a lower offer and then be stuck with the knotweed.

However is this really about the substation and the knotweed or more about how none of the houses you can afford are the house you had imagined your family living in? It sounds like that is the biggest cause of your sadness.

Original poster
Ididthattoo · 05/03/2016 07:44

Olivia, you might be right. He feels I am self-sabotaging as every time I find a problem. The perfect house doesn't exist but I was hoping for better.

I will update you when I know more. And if we move in, I will start threads about dealing with the council.

OP posts:
Yakari · 05/03/2016 07:49

Stop, just stop.
The way I read it, you've found other places but you've come up with issues there too. So this last place your DH has said enough, everywhere will have problems so let's settle. But - and here's the thing for me - irrespective of the sub station or knotweed, this isn't even in the area you want to buy.
Personally I'd say while the survey is getting done you and your DH need to sit down and be really clear about what you both want/don't want.
Why bigger in zone 4 - is that the kid thing? Has he investigated schools etc, is he imagining a big family? In fairness zone 2 and 2 bed possibly means not a 'forever' home if you're looking at 2 or more kids. Not impossible but harder.
You need to agree on your life/life style then workout what 'for ever home' means and if it's even really an option at this stage or will always mean another move, in which case buy a 'first home' not a 'forever' one.
Take the few days while the survey is being done to draw breath and work the bigger picture out. Then when the survey and council come back on this house you know if it's a deal or not frankly I say not

HattiesBackpack · 05/03/2016 07:55

If your heart isn't it then pull out. Speaking from my own experience here! Me and DH have made a house buying mistake, we will be selling next year hopefully, and I realise now that I wish I listened to all those nagging doubts I had. Trust your instinct.

Duckdeamon · 05/03/2016 07:55

Zone 2 is likely to be unrealistic unless you are both content to compromise on space, garden etc. there will be other options further out as you're looking at. Commuting time is very important IME.

I was sad to leave a Victorian property to an ugly, newer home, but I don't miss the anxiety or high maintenance costs!

Coconutty · 05/03/2016 08:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fluffycloudland77 · 05/03/2016 08:09

You're being a bit dramatic. You'll never enjoy life living like this.

BikeGeek · 05/03/2016 08:10

The scaremongering over one comment that knotweed may be nearby, not in the garden/on the property is ridiculous.

MerdeAlor · 05/03/2016 08:10

There is a lot of catastrophising going on here OP.

You've found there are no issues with the sub station.

You haven't even had a survey done on the house yet yet think you may lose 50% of it's value. Where did you get that figure from?

Your distorted thinking is making you reach for the worst possible outcome. Take a deep breath, regain some perspective, talk calmly to your husband and listen to his answers.

Get a survery done and deal with any actual rather than perceived issues.

JessieMcJessie · 05/03/2016 08:13

You don't seem to be grasping that the first step is to tell your lender about the knotweed and find out if you can still get a mortgage. If they say no then your husband can't push you into buying.

tenbluebottles · 05/03/2016 08:25

But the knotweed might be on a path nearby. Which presumably is near other properties, which will also be near the substation.

If you like the house go for it, as said upthread no survey is ever perfect.
But if you're having doubts now, pull out & keep looking.

JessieMcJessie · 05/03/2016 08:32

Eacct tenbluebottles- the impact is unknown. So they should turn unknowns into certainties and then make a decision based on knowledge rather than speculation. I'm not saying OP should definitely go ahead if it turns out they can get a mortgage.

OP have you looked at Victorian houses in zone 2? It's only fair to you that your DH should come on some viewings of places that fit your image of your next home. I do know from experience, though, that you won't get much space for your money. But like you I would not live too far away from transport (tho have you looked at the bus routes? As in actually tried out the journey?) Sometimes a 5 min bus to the tube is. Perfectly OK and London buses are so frequent and reliable now.

Original poster
Ididthattoo · 05/03/2016 08:39

There is a bus stop near the house that takes 15 minutes to the tube. That is fine. I honestly can live with the distance and the lack of shops but I am not sure I can live with all the other stuff.

Sometimes I think I am too selfish.

My husband hates urban (as in zone 2 London) and I love living as close as I can afford to the centre. We agree on many things but not on this one. It is not that big of an issue in the scheme of things but I wish we did agree

OP posts:
LIZS · 05/03/2016 08:46

Honestly, walk away now you will never be happy there, whether because of these potential issues or because you feel pressured to accept it. Start looking more proactively yourself, step up and present you husband with more viable options. There will always be some doubt about commitment as he seems more keen than you to buy but you are already focussing this on negatives for this property.

neonrainbow · 05/03/2016 08:46

I have an electricity pylon out the back of my house. I like it as it means that is highly unlikely to be developed because of restrictions on foundations. so my garden will remain un-overlooked Smile

JolseBaby · 05/03/2016 08:47

If your husband thinks that knotweed is hype and that it won't spread then he knows fuck-all about it. It's not a prosectuable offence just for shits and giggles.

What are you going to do if the substation or knotweed becomes an issue that you cannot live with and you need to move? Yet the problems have now started to devalue the house and you're left in negative equity?

I know someone who has had issues with knotweed and it has caused structural damage to their foundations. They aren't just in negative equity - they actually cannot sell their house because NOBODY is prepared to buy it.

JolseBaby · 05/03/2016 08:47

(I have had to break this post into 2 to get it to go through, as I am having tech issues with MN at the moment!).

The substation would not bother me too much, but other buyers might be put off by it. The knotweed would be an instant 'no' from me - and I am surprised that your mortgage lender has made an offer, especially if the local council has been formally notified of the presence of knotweed (so it is a known issue). I suspect the lender isn't aware of it; I would definitely tell them.

I really sympathise with your situation - it's frustrating and I agree with your H about wanting to be settled for your DC etc. But I think he is being very pig-headed about this. Why are your wishes less important than his (bearing in mind that what you are objecting to is pretty major!)?

JessieMcJessie · 05/03/2016 08:50

Try Zone 3? :-) We live there, it's great.

Have you actually set up any viewings of places that you like? Or even just sent him the Rightmove links?

thecatfromjapan · 05/03/2016 08:53

Change the area you're looking in? Can you afford south Norwood or Walthamstow?

I think you sound too anxious for this house.