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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish MIL would leave my fucking laundry alone!

110 replies

bumpertobumper · 03/03/2016 23:20

She was only trying to be helpful,but is it too much to hope that by almost 70 she should know the basics by now!
Today she was looking after DD while I went to a work meeting, dd had a good long nap so mil decided to 'help' with the laundry. She hung up the load I had put on this morning nicely folded on the airer! Who thinks folded clothes dry? She then put on a load - a mixture of a sheet and some pillow cases, DPs grubby gardening jeans, some baby clothes, tea towels AND DSs shitty pants he'd had an accident in! (They were beside the utility sink, I hadn't had a chance to tackle them). I have just been hanging this load of washing feeling a bit Hmm, but now have the rage when I got to the pants in the bottom of the basket, still with traces...EnvyAngry
Ffs, if you aren't going to do it properly just leave it.
She also decided that the bath mats beside the washing machine were fine, trying to save me from having to do too much washing, and put them back on the bathroom floor. DD had pissed on them!
She has form for carefully folding dirty clothes and putting them in the kids drawers. And washing up so badly, with the surfaces cloth, that I have to redo it.

She is a great help really, I am very lucky, and we get on well.
But I just need to rant about the unhelpful help which has made more work for me not less... Finding the little things annoying at the moment as the add up. Usually can let it go.

OP posts:
Woodenmouse · 04/03/2016 09:03

At least your mil tries to help!! When I'd just had ds1 (couple of weeks old) pil came over and I spent the whole time running around making cups of tea etc and mil had the bloody cheek to comment that I hadn't bothered to iron DHs clothes.

PrimalLass · 04/03/2016 09:20

This has reminded me about the OP who had gone away and her SIL had obviously stayed in her house and had rearranged it all. I wonder what happened.

dolkapots · 04/03/2016 09:26

Send her round to me OP and she can wash all she likes Grin I get that it is annoying, but on the grand scheme of things it isn't a big deal.

I am more concerned that you are leaving soiled clothes lying around. They should be put in a bucket to soak (or at least contained) rather than left beside sinks/on the floor.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/03/2016 09:32

My MIL did my washing once. She was asked not to because I am extremely anal about it, and don't even want DH doing it. They're both of the "shove it all in together and it should be ok" variety, which it rarely is.

She still does washing up for us, despite now getting to a point where she can't see that stuff is still greasy/dirty even after she's washed it, and she has a special skill for putting stuff places we can't find it.

However, I'm not saying anything about the washing up because it is something she likes to do for us and re-washing it really isn't that big an issue (I've mostly broken her of the habit of drying it up too, so at least I can re-wash it if needed - I hate drying up, far better to leave it to drip dry unless you need it immediately).

I'm not ungrateful, I'm very grateful to have her, and she does a lot for us - but that doesn't mean I'm going to put up with having clothes trashed for the sake of it.

Angelika321 · 04/03/2016 09:34

My MIL loves to help and I'm grateful for it. But what I can't be dealing with is being told that the laundry she took out of the machine and dried and folded neatly needs to be put away the moment I walk through the door. Never mind the fact her son has been home for several hours before I get in. Then there's the helpful tips like, 'why don't you put a wash on now, so it'll be ready to put out in the morning'. This is when I've got in after work, sorted out the dinner and kids and have not sat down once. Oh and the comments that people walking past my house must think it's inhabited by tramps judging by the cleanliness, or lack thereof, of my front door and windows.

thecatsarecrazy · 04/03/2016 09:42

My mil once watched my children while I was at work. I came home to find Lego all over the front room that had been kept in a box for when my boys were older. And her ironing my clothes, tumble dryer on the go, heating on with clothes airing on them. I know she was trying to help but i would rather wash my own smalls.

BlueEyesAndDarkChocolate · 04/03/2016 09:55

So, she's almost 70, and you have her babysit your child, and then moan when she tries to help with chores?

Blimey. How ungrateful.

helzapoppin2 · 04/03/2016 09:56

My Mil irons my knickers. So embarrassing!

Jelliebabe1 · 04/03/2016 10:01

This makes me so sad. I wish my mum could come and help me or my mil gave a shit! I literally have no one to do any little niceties, not that I expect any but.... It would be nice. I guess I'm just jealous where everyone around me has hot and cold running parents/aunts/friends around them when they had babies...

WitchWay · 04/03/2016 10:18

My MIL would would hang stuff on the line badly if I'd set a load. She's then bring it all in, fold it & put it away before I got home from work.

This is North Yorkshire - nothing is ever dry enough to put away without an overnight stay in the airing-cupboard first.

My DM would routinely rummage through the basket for laundry & once "helpfully" shrank a favourite pair of handknitted cashmere socks took me bloody ages to make by slinging them in with a mixed load Sad

She would also announce things like "I've cleaned out your fridge/freezer/cupboard as it looked like it needed doing" Angry - don;t remind me!!

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 04/03/2016 10:21

Angelika
I live opposite you and have always thought you were such a tramp because your windows don't do Disney sparkling!
Wink Grin

jimpam · 04/03/2016 10:31

Every time MIL is here she does the dishes & puts everything away in the wrong places which I find endlessly irritating. I keep telling her she absolutely does not need to do any housework for me but she never stops. Recently she cleaned the kitchen sink & plastic basin with bleach I keep beside the loo to clean the toilet with which I thought was incredibly unhygienic. Appreciate the babysitting but not the housework!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/03/2016 10:33

Almost 70 isn't necessarily ancient/decrepit/nearly dead, you know. My MIL was still working up until she was 70, weekend shifts as a nurse. She was (and is) more than capable of babysitting. Less capable at washing up now, but still very capable of babysitting.

RoboticSealpup · 04/03/2016 10:34

I know how you feel. My (lovely) MIL washed all of DHs shirts together. The white shirt he wore for our wedding mixed in with a variety of green, blue and fucking grey shirts.

I didn't feel like I could say anything so I snuck in a handful of color absorbing sheets before she turned it on. She then asked DH afterwards why I had done this! Yeah, why would I not want all of DHs shirts to look like greying dish rags? Hmm

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 04/03/2016 10:36

Help that creates more work for you or creates stress by invading your privacy is not help and you don't need to be grateful for it. However it's not easy to deal with politely.

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 04/03/2016 10:37

It's also offensive for these women to assume they are doing the wife's jobs for her in cleaning the house and laundering their son's clothes.

BathshebaDarkstone · 04/03/2016 10:37

Even worse when it's your own DH. At least your MIL goes home.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/03/2016 10:39

The one thing that MIL never does, never offers to do, is iron DH's shirts. I actually wouldn't care if she did that, because I don't iron them either, he does. I hang them up to dry to get most of the creasing out, then it's up to him whether or not he feels the need to iron them - usually he does but not always - but oddly, she never does that! Don't know why, maybe she hates ironing too! Grin

RoboticSealpup · 04/03/2016 10:41

She also insists on washing our clothes when we are there, instead of letting us use the washing machine, which means that I have to hide anything white until we get home if I want it to stay that way...

GoblinLittleOwl · 04/03/2016 10:42

Show her your post, with title, and then she can make an informed decision as to whether she wants to help you ever again.

Spandexpants007 · 04/03/2016 10:49

I would be over the moon to have help with my laundry!! It's a one man slog in my house.

Maybe you could put the dirty stuff in set piles and let your mil know

WhataMessEh · 04/03/2016 10:55

I can see it's annoying. I wish my dc had even one GP that wanted to spend any amount of time with them though - I agree about ranting on mumsnet then letting it go. She's getting on, she's trying to help - that'd go a long way for me.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 04/03/2016 10:55

Perhaps the fact you leave your children's shitty pants and pissed on stuff lying around makes her think you're a bit slovenly in the housekeeping department?

It's an easy problem to solve though. Pay a childminder to look after the kids while you work.

You know what they say, pay peanuts, get monkeys. Pay nothing, get your washing and babysitting done for free. Take your pick.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 04/03/2016 10:55

I have absolutely no intention of ever doing laundry or cleaning for a DD or DiL. So at least that's one pitfall I will be avoiding.

My own Mum questions me closely about my systems on the very rare occasion she does any jobs for me. She is quite particular about how she does things herself, with enough empathy to understand that others might be the same.

WhataMessEh · 04/03/2016 10:58

I rarely see my mum due to distances but when I see her, she walks around my flat with the air of an inspecting sargent-major giving her advice on a broad range of things i could improve covering all bases (move to a bigger place, move sitting and dining room around, you need to do x, y and z in the garden, etc. etc.). It's a love-able quirk...