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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have invited someone round even though my house is messy/cluttered?

60 replies

starburns · 03/03/2016 20:54

I am chronically embarrassed about my home. It's small, not in ideal repair - some obvious damp patches, for example - and seems to get extremely messy in the blink of an eye (I have two young dc). The carpets are not in the greatest state and there's a wall with a lot of felt tip on it that I haven't figured out how to remove yet (thanks, toddler).

I've been putting off having people round for ages, but in a sudden 'what the hell' kind of mood I just invited a new friend round. I felt a bit obliged as I've been round hers before but not vice versa... but also I just wanted to.

But now I'm regretting it?!? Aargh. I'm going to have to do some tidying tonight, but there's no way I can sort the walls and carpet out by tomorrow. Trying to gauge how much of an error I have committed here: MNers, how much would you honestly judge someone with a crappy house as described?

OP posts:
EatShitDerek · 03/03/2016 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EastMidsMummy · 03/03/2016 20:56

I would be happy to come to your felt pen house as long as you didn't make me take my shoes off.

Cutecat78 · 03/03/2016 20:57

She's coming to spend time with you not perform a house inspection as long as it's cleanish don't worry.

Anyone who judges you on your monetary worth isn't worth having as a friend anyway.

Shadow1986 · 03/03/2016 20:58

No, not at all, from what you've described. If someone invited me round and they had dirty dishes etc stacked up, hadn't hoovered in months etc I would probably judge but they just sound like home repairs that need doing (we all have them on the to do list!) I would just say excuse the pen on the walls and the carpet and laugh it off! Have a nice time with your friend.

DirtyHarrietOnABike · 03/03/2016 20:58

Relax :). Unless messy = filthy...

FeelingSmurfy · 03/03/2016 21:03

I would be disappointed if a friend thought twice about inviting me round because of her house. I am going to visit the friend not the house and I would spend time with them at the local tip if that's where they wanted to meet (providing there was a chair Wink )

I once told a friend I would come round in my pj's and shut my eyes the whole time if it helped, and I meant it! I don't care what you or the house look like, as long as you are my friend and want to spend time with me

Original poster
starburns · 03/03/2016 21:04

Yeah, toys are about 70% of the clutter I think! They seem to be on pretty much every flat surface. I've been meaning to have a session of putting things aside for the charity shop for ages, but haven't got round to it.

Nope, won't be asking anyone to take their shoes off!

Really need to start tidying now...

OP posts:
Original poster
starburns · 03/03/2016 21:05

Thanks for the replies btw, they have made me feel slightly less panicked!

OP posts:
Bitchrestingface · 03/03/2016 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

newyear16 · 03/03/2016 21:09

Unlike Shadow86 It wouldnt bother me if you had dirty dishes staked up

RudeElf · 03/03/2016 21:11

Life is too short not to have friends over because you've got felt tip on the wall.

frigginell · 03/03/2016 21:11

I wouldn't blink twice at felt-tip/toys/couple of damp patches.

Having a cleanish seat to sit in, a clean mug to drink out of and smoke free air to breath are my only concerns when I'm visiting. Anything that doesn't directly effect me is none of my business.

Hassled · 03/03/2016 21:15

Make sure the loo is clean and the kitchen sides look like they've seen a cloth recently. That's all that most people will even register.

I like a cluttered house - can't be doing with minimalism. Cluttered houses are cosy.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 03/03/2016 21:15

'Those who matter don't care, those who care don't matter'.

Seriously, I couldn't care less what a friend's house looked like, it's the friend I'm interested in, not the decor :)

thenewaveragebear1983 · 03/03/2016 21:16

You can get the pen marks off the wall with one of those flash magic eraser sponges. They're awesome.
I have a close friend who is an actual hoarder - think mouldy plates/food/cups, bags of toys, garden full of stuff because she opens the back door and throws it out, every single stair is half filled with stuff, path through the living room with piles everywhere. She has 2 kids who each have a carrier bag of things such as shoes etc so she can find what they need. I refuse to take my kids round with me but still visit myself. There's a big difference between general family mess and actual disgusting living, your visitor will know this too.

HPsauciness · 03/03/2016 21:16

Clean loo and ideally clean handbasin, that's all I care about!

becksblue · 03/03/2016 21:21

You obviously think she's a nice person to have invited her so it won't matter.

I will admit my house is always pristine (grew up in a tip!) and I personally would stress out about people coming over to a mess but I know that's my issues.

What's her house like? The weird thing is I don't bat an eye lid when friends houses are upside down, in fact I'm secretly jealous they are so relaxed!

Hope you have a lovely time

pinkcan · 03/03/2016 21:22

Clean the bog and the area round kettle toaster.

scarlets · 03/03/2016 21:24

Just make sure that the bathroom is clean and that there is space on the sofa for her to sit comfortably. Provide biscuits. Job done.

Have fun.

Sunnybitch · 03/03/2016 21:25

What hassled said! My house usually has toys everywhere but I ALWAYS make sure the tops in the kitchen are wiped down and clean and the toilet/bathroom is spotless and your good to go Smile

Original poster
starburns · 03/03/2016 21:28

Thanks everyone, you're making me feel much better about my shitty house! Still frantically tidying though. My current strategy is to bung all the biggest cluttery items (like the suitcase in the living room that doesn't really have any proper place to go) into the spare room and lock the door.

Her house was the ideal balance between tidy and lived-in. Exactly what I want to achieve but am worried about ending up on the wrong side of...

OP posts:
GinInAJamJar · 03/03/2016 21:30

Quite frankly I am always relieved to arrive at a house that isn't show-home-esque as:
a) it makes me feel less guilty about my own less than showhome like house
and
b) it means I can relax a bit and not have to worry about my occasionally feral spirited children.

YoJesse · 03/03/2016 21:33

My flat gets scrubbed manically by myself if I know anyone is coming over. It's all bollocks. Stuff gets crammed in draws under bed etc. Agree with pp, if toilet and kitchen look half decent no one cares.

Peppermintpatty1 · 03/03/2016 21:34

Becksblue I totally get where you are coming from. I'm obsessively tidy and I constantly clean. I just can't help it but the house is still not as perfect as I'd like it to be. My DH said recently though that people are put off coming round in case they spill something or mess up as its too perfect. I don't like that. I want my guests to be comfortable.

keeprunninguphill · 03/03/2016 21:38

It's the welcome that counts. Enjoy their company and be a good host.