AIBU to have invited someone round even though my house is messy/cluttered?

[starburns]

I am chronically embarrassed about my home. It's small, not in ideal repair - some obvious damp patches, for example - and seems to get extremely messy in the blink of an eye (I have two young dc). The carpets are not in the greatest state and there's a wall with a lot of felt tip on it that I haven't figured out how to remove yet (thanks, toddler).

I've been putting off having people round for ages, but in a sudden 'what the hell' kind of mood I just invited a new friend round. I felt a bit obliged as I've been round hers before but not vice versa... but also I just wanted to.

But now I'm regretting it?!? Aargh. I'm going to have to do some tidying tonight, but there's no way I can sort the walls and carpet out by tomorrow. Trying to gauge how much of an error I have committed here: MNers, how much would you honestly judge someone with a crappy house as described?

I judge people with those painfully tidy houses that always smell of bleach/air freshener, have matching cushions perennially plumped on the sofa, and weird kitchens with completely empty work surfaces apart from an artfully-positioned kettle. Why do these people seem to regard possessions as 'clutter'? What drives their urge to tidy?

I wouldn't worry about damp on walls or felt tip.

Carpet - make sure you give it a good hoover, as bits would bother me but I'd not judge stains.

Make sure kitchen and toilet are clean. Cluttered is OK but grime in those areas really isn't.

Make sure you don't gave clutter on the sofa (something I can be guilty of).

Throw all toys that don't have set storage in one area.

Spray some air freshener about 30mins before. That gives it chance to dissipate enough that its not obvious but makes sure there's no bad smell (like nappies).

My favourite houses and friends are the ones that are a bit messy.

I have a very houseproud friend. I am always embarrassed to have her over to my midden but last time they came for a meal her husband asked her 'why can't our house be alive like this one'. Whenever I get stressed about the state of it I remember that comment and smile.

I don't understand why this type of thread always ends up bashing people with tidy houses as though they are lacking in personality or their house can't also be filled with love and laughter?

Lovely that everyone has been supportive of the op but no need to make out those with clean houses are devoid of souls!

I like my home to be tidy. Some of the time it is,sometimes not. Never dirty but messy. I rarely have people over so it doesn't really matter. One of my sisters has such a super immaculate house that you are utterly on edge. They have designer sofas which are awfully uncomfortable,there's nowhere to pop your cup or glass. That's just as well as you're rarely allowed a drink outside of the kitchen.

Frika

Why do these people seem to regard possessions as 'clutter'? What drives their urge to tidy?

I don't regard all possessions as clutter, I just have less and I'm organized. My urge to tidy and have a nice environment is that it's calming and lets me run my life more efficiently. I'm busy, we're a big family, I need everything to be in order to live my life at an optimum level. Being disorganized and untidy wastes so much time. It really doesn't take long, I've always been like this and it really isn't hard, even when my children were little (but we're not allowed to say that are we).

I don't know why it's ok to say what you have but not the opposite. I don't understand people who live in mess and clutter and why they do that to themselves and their children, but if I said that I'd be met with the smug, gurning "sticky floor = happy kids" brigade.

It's bullshit, grow up and clean up after yourselves and throw stuff you don't need out/donate it. Rank.

becksblue

Quite. Also the insinuation that it must take all day, every day. It doesn't. As for being souless and devoid of love and laughter, they've done studies on the cleanliness of your environment and the impact, quite the opposite has been found.

Becks, because, honestly, those kinds of houses I described above look awful and soulless, imo, but Mn is full of women who clearly think houses are supposed to look like that, and seem to berate themselves for falling short of those 'standards'. Like it's a moral failing to have crumbs around a visible toaster. Or, you know, the heinous crime of having actual books.

I think nail varnish remover may take the marker off. Don't apologise for your home when friend arrives as l think it's all about confidence. I have a beautiful home but l still struggle inviting people around. It's a bit messy but lots of space and l could tick all the boxes suggested above but l still struggle. I have a friend whohas to move a mound to find a place to sit but l couldn't care less. We are so busy talking l don't hardly notice. It's all down to attitude so fake it. That's what l try to do but it's a carry over from my childhood. The one thing l like is heat. The only times lm uncomfortable is when lm cold and l have been in pristine homes.

My house sounds a bit like yours, it gets cluttered very quickly. Do you have a car? Bag up charity shop donations & stick it in the boot ready for drop off.

Open all Windows to let fresh air in. More important to have a fresh clean smelling home than an immaculate pongy house.

Make sure the bathroom & kitchen is clean and you are done. The rest of it is just the evidence of daily living.

Use the flash magic eraser or some sugar soap (from Wilkos or DIY shop) to remove scribbles from the walls.