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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to have invited someone round even though my house is messy/cluttered?

60 replies

starburns · 03/03/2016 20:54

I am chronically embarrassed about my home. It's small, not in ideal repair - some obvious damp patches, for example - and seems to get extremely messy in the blink of an eye (I have two young dc). The carpets are not in the greatest state and there's a wall with a lot of felt tip on it that I haven't figured out how to remove yet (thanks, toddler).

I've been putting off having people round for ages, but in a sudden 'what the hell' kind of mood I just invited a new friend round. I felt a bit obliged as I've been round hers before but not vice versa... but also I just wanted to.

But now I'm regretting it?!? Aargh. I'm going to have to do some tidying tonight, but there's no way I can sort the walls and carpet out by tomorrow. Trying to gauge how much of an error I have committed here: MNers, how much would you honestly judge someone with a crappy house as described?

OP posts:

PickledLilly · 03/03/2016 21:39

I've got a friend who apologises for the mess every time I visit. I'm always keen to tell her that I don't give a damn about toys on the floor etc, I don't judge, I don't care and I'd much rather have a friend who is real that I can relate to than a prefect robot. I couldn't care less if there are pots in the sink, I'm there to see her and for the kids to play, not to give her housekeeping points.

Lurkedforever1 · 03/03/2016 21:40

I'm chronically neat and tidy, but its just the way I am, not something I look for in friends, I really couldn't care less. Friends are about who they are as a person, not whether they organise their home like me.

Filth would bother me (as in grime and stinking, not mud and fingerprints). But even then I wouldn't just judge someone. I'd rule out genuine reasons before thinking they were just dirty and lazy.

Corygal1 · 03/03/2016 21:47

Cheat.

Smell in a home is really, really important, partic with inhabitants who use nappies. You don't notice - other people can't not. Open windows for 5 min, then squirt Mr Muscle/anything onto a radiator. Harpic down the loo, swirl.

Bunch daffs in pot if you can face it.

Shut every door you can and hoover remaining area.

LovelyFriend · 03/03/2016 21:49

make sure your loo is clean.
and the wine glasses.
it will be fine

Youarentkiddingme · 03/03/2016 21:54

I go and visit my friends not to inspect their houses.

As long as it was obvious you'd cleaned and I didn't leave thinking a course of antibiotics would be advisable I'd stop worrying!

BigQueenBee · 03/03/2016 21:54

Not at all, you are braver than me! People seldom judge others by the state of their house.

I would sooner visit someone who lived in a bedsit; who was hospitable and offered me a drink ,something to eat and a listening ear, than visit someone who lived in a fancy pad who couldn't be arsed to put the kettle on.
My place is very humble, but I am generous with what I can offer, and I'm glad to say so are my good friends.

Rafterplease · 03/03/2016 21:57

For a non-judgy thread, I'm feeling quite judged reading all of this! People who want their hosts to

open windows
hoover
put all the dirty dishes away
clean the toilet
clean the handbasin
put daffs in a pot (fair enough that one was 'if you can face it')
wipe down the benches

um... in my book that's about as much cleaning as I do in a week!

Justaboy · 03/03/2016 21:58

If your house is full of love for the children and their happy.

Then it'd be fine:-)..

Rafterplease · 03/03/2016 21:58

(I'm sitting here looking at the piles of dishes and the dirty bench and wondering if I remembered to flush DD's poo down the loo...)

TattyDevine · 03/03/2016 21:59

I was upstairs doing something once and I heard a scrit, scrit scriiit scrit scriiiiiit type nose. I'm like WTF is that? I've got rats in the loft! Or bats! OMG there is a colony of bats!

Went downstairs and my daughter was drawing on the wall with a greylead pencil!

Little sod. I rubbed it out but still had to paint over it.

Kids are a pain in the arse

fedup0f · 03/03/2016 21:59

Def don't mind visiting a messy house - mine is chocker with the kids stuff. Tip for the felt tip pens is that hair spray/furniture polish will take it off - clean cloth and done!! Babywipes are also a godsend for a quick swoosh around - as long as there is tea or wine I'm happy!

TattyDevine · 03/03/2016 21:59

Anyway don't worry about your house, you probably just have too much stuff. You'll get round to having a clearout and feel better about it probably but there's no rush.

Corygal1 · 03/03/2016 22:04

Oh sure - there's no way I'd make the effort otherwise! Not judging and happily admitting that I only clean up for visitors...

To be entirely honest, as long as I can breathe without gagging, I prefer people with appalling houses as it makes me feel better about mine. Most relaxing and more intime somehow.

AuditAngel · 03/03/2016 22:05

DH would like an immaculate house, I don't like cleaning.

Today we had cause to call the police, he moved the junk from the hall.

MIL may be coming Sunday, I'll need to tidy on saturday

becksblue · 03/03/2016 22:09

Going on these replies the tidy houses would be far more judged! Fwiw while my house is pretty tidy and 'just so' I'm definitely not a robot or unwelcoming. I love having people over and go out of my way to make them feel comfortable and part of that (for me) is having a clean/tidy space.

Slightly off topic but felt I had to stand up for my fellow neat freaks

emsyj · 03/03/2016 22:11

I would love an immaculate house and to be one of those 'can't rest til it's like a show home' types, but I'm just not. Visiting immaculately-homed people is inspiring and sort of fun (in its own way) but visiting people with normal/messy houses is more relaxing. If the house is worse than mine (it hardly ever is ) then that is always nice!

MrsMook · 03/03/2016 22:16

My friend was thrilled the first time she saw our house in its natural condition rather than having had time for the guest blitz.

We'll still tidy up for each other if we get the chance, but we don't get stressed about it anymore when we get caught out.

Original poster

starburns · 03/03/2016 22:29

I am periodically refreshing this page as I tidy - it's keeping me motivated! Front room is now looking significantly better than it did before and the spare room significantly worse!

OP posts:

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 03/03/2016 22:36

We have 3 young DC so it's hard to be tidy all the time. The only things that I make sure are sorted in case of people popping in - spotless downstairs loo, fresh hand towel, plenty of soap etc. and shiny taps. Clean kitchen surfaces and hob. Dirty plates in dishwasher.

Otherwise, toys etc kicking around, pens, Elsa dolls and dinosaurs everywhere I bloody look is just to be expected.

becksblue · 04/03/2016 11:11

Hope you feel happier now you've tidied. Have a lovely time today!

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 04/03/2016 11:16

If I waited for my house to be tidy before folks came round, I'd never have guests. People are coming to see you, not your house. The only thing I make sure is that the loos are clean and there's nothing grim and rotting about, the rest can go to hell. [grin}

shamonts · 04/03/2016 11:18

dd had a friend over once and the friend walked in and said 'err I am not taking my shoes off in here it is filthy'

then she told the teacher at register the next morning that 'shamonts dd house is filthy'

It IS quite muddy - we have three dogs, three children, three horses so there is always bits of tack and muddy boots all over the place.

I do always clean the downstairs loo and the kitchen if people are coming over. Trouble is, our windows are so old and mouldy they always make everything look grotty.

Sigh.

MissWimpyDimple · 04/03/2016 11:27

For me, messy is fine, trashed is fine. Dirty not so much. So as long as I have a clean space to sit in and the cup of tea doesn't have pet hair floating in it, it's all good.

Afreshstartplease · 04/03/2016 11:31

I'd not judge you op, my house is similar

drspouse · 04/03/2016 20:01

Magic eraser is good for pen etc. We only buy washable felt tips...
Other than that, if it's safe to go to the loo and nobody is going to catch anything, you're golden.

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