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AIBU?

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Original poster

Shoes off house rule

840 replies

BettyBi0 · 02/03/2016 16:11

So we have a shoes off rule in our house. Mainly because of the grubby London streets and dog poo everywhere locally plus a floor licking toddler.

Every time my parents visit I have to ask them to take their shoes off. EVERY Fing TIME! They act like its such a massive imposition.

AIBU or would you just shut up and put up?

OP posts:
Firstlawofholes · 03/03/2016 21:37

Can't believe some people put their outdoor shoes on first thing in the morning and keep them on all day! No wonder so many British people complain of fungal infections, chilblains etc. Never encountered either of those in the various other European countries I lived in - they generally seem to be considered archaic phenomena from before the 2nd World War! The first time I ever even heard of "chillblains" was when my mother told me about her language exchange trip to the UK in the 60s - she and my grandparents were most bemused why chillblains still existed in the UK when they hadn't been heard of in their country for decades already (I honestly haven't ever come across anyone outside the UK having them, but here even friends my own age suffer from them - weird!)

One of my biggest bugbears with my own DCs education so far has been the fact that they wear SHOES all day long in school. Luckily their pre-school got them to change into plimsolls at least - but I'm horrified that from the age of 4+ their poor feet are forced into shoes all day long. That's so, so bad for growing feet. Children should spend as much time as possible barefoot or in socks (or soft, flexible slippers, mockasins or similar). As a 12-year-old in a different European country, I left slippers/plimsolls in school and we changed out of our outside shoes / winter boots every morning (as well as having waterproof jackets and trousers to put on every break as necessary - and we spent a couple of hours every day outside).

Anyway, back to the original topic: we don't wear outdoor shoes inside the house (why would anyone? I assume you then also wear your outdoor coat in the house all day long?) and take our shoes off in other people's homes as a matter of course - except at a "formal" dinner party, and I might keep my heels on if dressed up (since my heels only really get worn for parties and haven't been walked on dirty streets). Our children know to take their shoes off as soon as they enter someone else's home, and I do ask visiting children to do the same in our house. Most adults automatically remove their shoes in the hall, but if they didn't I wouldn't actually ask them to, unless they were wearing muddy trainers.

Gabilan · 03/03/2016 21:54

I have chilblains. Bugger all to do with wearing outdoor shoes all day, since I don't. It's poor circulation and cold weather.

EastMidsMummy · 03/03/2016 21:54

Chilblains? What the hell has that got to do with shoes in the house??

TheDowagerCuntess · 03/03/2016 22:07

And still the guest slippers keep being offered up, as if it's some sort of thoughtful gesture. Grin No thank you.

Would love to know what people think happens to their kids when they're at school and you're unable to monitor every surface they come into contact with.

I know for sure at my kids' school that they do not remove their shoes every time they go into, and out of, the classroom. And they spend part of every day all sitting on the floor.

TheDowagerCuntess · 03/03/2016 22:10

I can categorically state that in my 40+ years of going in and out of other people's houses, I have mercifully never been offered a guest slipper.

Thank God - because I'd no doubt offend by my facial reaction, and hurried declining.

sheffieldsteeler · 03/03/2016 22:12

It has to be a regional thing. I've never EVER come across a 'shoes off' house apart from the first six months of my sister's white carpet when she refused to let anyone drink a hot beverage above it either.

This is a rare occasion when I'd actually welcome one of those interactive Daily Mail maps, with 'shoes off' areas in ever-darkening shades of brown around the country.

SweetheartLittleLove · 03/03/2016 22:12

I have slippers for my parents when they visit, but they never wear them.

My mother always makes a face and tries to catch my father's eye when I ask her to take her shoes off in our house. But I don't care, I think it's very rude to walk dirt into other people's homes.

JessieMcJessie · 03/03/2016 22:13

Just back from my friend's house where I had tea and chatted in the living room for about 2 hours. She has a 3 year old who plays on the floor. I walked on - gasp- filthy London pavements for 15 minutes to get there. She has carpets (dark ones) and is half Turkish. She is middle class and educated.

At no point did she ask me to remove my shoes. I kept them on because it was quite chilly in her kitchen and there was shit like Lego on the floor.

Canadamum7 · 03/03/2016 22:22

what temperature are people keeping their houses that a person would get cold without shoes inside? It's rude not to respect a person's wishes in his/her home. I lik my house warm and my floors clean.

KatharinaRosalie · 03/03/2016 22:29

Chilblains can also occur on areas of the feet that are exposed to pressure, such as a bunion or a toe that's squeezed by tight shoes.

I'm from a lot colder climate than UK and also never heard of them

megletthesecond · 03/03/2016 22:34

canada house is 24 degrees, sometimes hotter. Shoes off.

JessieMcJessie · 03/03/2016 22:37

My friend's house was perfectly warm, as in my top half with a cardigan on was very comfortable; in fact I'd have been too hot had the house been any warmer. However my feet (opaque tights) would have got cold on the kitchen floor without shoes on. Guest slippers were not available...

TheDowagerCuntess · 03/03/2016 22:58

It's rude not to respect a person's wishes in his/her home.

And equally, it's rude not ensure your guests and welcome and comfortable.

To me, that is more important than my floors.

jollyfrenchy · 03/03/2016 23:06

We have no carpets in the house, and never ask people to take their shoes off. We do sometimes ourselves and sometimes not, it just depends how we feel. Obviously if shoes were actually muddy or poo-ey then they would be taken off, but normal street dust? A doormat plus a runner up the first part of the hall does the job.

I wouldn't get cross if someone else asked me to take my shoes off in their house but I don't tend to do it unless asked because it doesn't occur to me. DH hates being barefoot/in socks so unless he was staying overnight with someone, in which case he would bring his slippers, he would feel really uncomfortable in someone's house without his shoes on.

I also think it would be extremely odd to ask a stranger eg health visitor, meter reader, plumber to take their shoes off.

Also a lot of people are weird about other people's feet, to the point that cash for clothes banks won't accept used socks. So having someone else's barefeet or socks walking about in your house ought to be weird too shouldn't it? Personally, my floors are not that spotless (and they still wouldn't be if I banned shoes), so I'd be more worried about how filthy your socks would be than your shoes making my floors dirty.

Gabilan · 03/03/2016 23:08

Chilblains are not universally caused by the people of Britain limping around their houses in too tight shoes the live long day. Great that you'd never heard of them but that doesn't mean they're some weird woo caused by mysterious shoe habits.

That NHS link lists many causes of which tight shoes is but one. In my case, it's cold feet and poor circulation. Sudden changes in temperature are also problematic.

Oh balls. It was time for bed half an hour ago.

Bitchrestingface · 03/03/2016 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jollyfrenchy · 03/03/2016 23:27

I know a lady who walks around barefoot outside all the time. Presumably she wouldn't be welcome in all you "no shoes" people's houses as she can't remove her feet? Or would you provide her with a footbath at the threshold?

Extremely good point about the pets thing. How can you possibly worry about germs and dirt from shoes if you have pets who sit on your carpets?

Bitchrestingface · 03/03/2016 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kuriusoranj · 04/03/2016 00:04

Someone up thread mentioned children at school. Here there are no shoes allowed in classrooms. The arrangement is that most of the school is open air/not enclosed, but each classroom is a separate room to the outside world, IFYSWIM. So, everyone takes off their shoes at the door and stores them in little cubbies outside - children, teachers, visitors, the lot.

So, in SE Asia, IME it's shoes off:

  • in your home
  • visiting friends
  • tradespeople
  • delivery people
  • medical professionals
  • professional advisors visiting you at home
  • when you go to look round a property to buy or rent
  • at house parties
  • basically every 'what if?' case I've noticed in this thread. As other people have said, it's just the way it is here. It is pretty much unthinkable NOT to remove shoes here - it would mark you as spectacularly tone-deaf, if not actively rude.
Verbena37 · 04/03/2016 00:15

I have to wear shoes indoors all the time as I have plantar fasciitis and waking without shoes on is very painful.

However, if I go to a friend's house, I usually take slippers with me now or keep my shoes on if I know they're not too fussy about it.

I red a few while back about some research done that showed indoor carpets and rugs to be more filthy than pavements.
I obviously don't keep muddy shoes on but dry, clean shoes I do.

Actually, fly lady suggests always putting on proper shoes first thing on getting dressed so you don't feel slobby and lazy. If I just wear slippers, I don't feel like doing housework but I get my shes on, I'm raring to go.

BadLad · 04/03/2016 00:19

I know a lady who walks around barefoot outside all the time. Presumably she wouldn't be welcome in all you "no shoes" people's houses as she can't remove her feet?

I'd bolt the doors and windows as soon as I saw her coming up the drive, as she must be as mad as a bag of frogs.

Tabsicle · 04/03/2016 05:05

Barefoot outside? Banned from entering our house as we don't tolerate crusty types

Wow! Whoever said upthread that the no shoes thing was a Hyacinth Bucket kind of thing was so right! Wink

Poor hippies!

HoneyHoney10 · 04/03/2016 06:33

I honestly only have 1 friend who asks no shoes in her house and we all find it a little odd that she's so obsessed with her rule, I would do it without thinking on a carpet (on her stairs as she has a cream carpet, why oh why would you buy a cream carpet and then spend your days worrying about not getting it dirty??)

But all downstairs in her house is laminate, it just makes me think that she hardly cleans if im honest ... to be honest I don't like going to her house, having to be supervised taking my shoes off in her tiny little hall she stands and watches, then I get offered a pair of many "guest" slippers they have upon arrival that god only knows who has had their feet in... err no thanks ill stay home.

I have wood floors in mine downstairs and wouldn't dream of asking people to take their shoes off, Personally think its a little rude - cream carpets yes of course I would, but for a floor im going to clean anyway id rather guests were made to feel welcome.

AppleSetsSail · 04/03/2016 06:36

I'd bolt the doors and windows as soon as I saw her coming up the drive, as she must be as mad as a bag of frogs.

Oh, this did make me laugh. She must be completely mad!