To wish I could be housewife

[BeBe32]

Hi

I've never posted here before, so hello to you all. I don't know if this is a bit strange but it's something I've been thinking about for a while. I am 32, single and live alone. I feel like I have never really found a job that I am passionate about and feel a bit lost and directionless. Even when I have been in a job that I really enjoy I still have not felt content in a way or fulfilled.

I have realised recently that if I am completely honest, if I could do anything it would probably be a housewife or home maker. Despite being quite academic at school I don't really feel overly ambitious and I think when I was younger I assumed by the time I was this age I always imagined I would have children and be married rather than picturing myself in a particular career, so maybe that's the problem. I also suffer with anxiety and I often feel this is triggered by work situations and the only time I feel calm and in control when I am at home, in control of my own time and not feeing under pressure from managers and colleagues, I sometimes feel like I would be so much happier and less anxious if it wasn't for work.

Obviously there's nothing I can do as I am single and cannot give up work but I suppose I just wanted to see if anyone else feels like this and perhaps how I can stop focusing on what I wish I could be doing and accept that that won't happen.

xx

I'm sorry but that is not what I have said at all. Perhaps using the word 'housewife' was incorrect but my original post made clear that my dream had always to be married and have children by now - so I wanted to be a SAHM which in my view is most definitely work.

Hmmm-that isn't really the impression I got from your posts.

Having children is many things. Relaxing experience where you are in charge of your own time and not under pressure - not really.
(at work, my boss is quite unreasonable, but a 2-year old who demands that he wants a unicorn 3AM still tops that)

It's interesting, when does anxiety become a reason for not working? I feel very anxious, stressed out, out of control most of the time at work. I would LOVE to be at home with my children. But I wouldn't consider not working an option, mainly because it's not fair on DH to shoulder the burden. Why should I get to stop just because I have the 'acceptable' get out clause to stop earning, because I am a woman? I'm sure DH never has the luxury to think like this.

I am a lawyer, managing a team of ten legal/non-legal staff, with demanding deadlines, and it's very, very hard (as are most people's jobs). I do this job, despite my hair turning grey with stress. I thought that that was just life. I will readily admit that I would love to stop, but I assume that everyone would. Being at home with young children is hard work and can be boring, but it simply does not have the pressures, deadlines, demanding bosses and clients, annual appraisals, juggling that being at home involves.

I don't think there is anything wrong or lazy in wanting to be a housewife. I would like to remain at home then the children leave - mind you I will be approaching retirement by the time they go!

I'm with you, OP, I'd love to be a housewife/SAHM one day. In fact, alongside work, I am currently cultivating a home-based side business, hopefully in preparation for this a few years down the line. I was also very academic, and quite ambitious actually, at school, but that has changed as I've grown up.

I'm currently a teacher, a job which I love for the kids, and LOATHE for the pressure. I never understand my colleagues who get to the end of the six weeks' holidays saying, "Oh, I can't wait to get back, I'm so bored at home!" (None of them have children, so it's not that they're fed up of their own kids!)

My response is always a private sense of WHAT?! I love it at home, how can you ever be bored?! I spend the six weeks happily pottering, homemaking, decorating and re-organising, cooking, doing little projects... I love my six weeks of playing housewife each year. And I LOVE cleaning the house accompanied by an audiobook/Netflix.

I'm getting married next April. Plan is to start TTC soon after, so hopefully I'll be able to give maternity leave a try in the next few years.

Thank you Philoslothy, it is nice to see that someone understands. I am most definitely not lazy, I work very hard. Everybody is different. I have friends who would love a challenging career in law or medicine and would hate to be a SAHM but for me that is the dream. Nothing is perfect, whatever you do it will be challenging and stressful at times but we are all different and suited to different things. I don't judge others for what they want to do.

Just to add - I have never said that anxiety is a reason not to work. Everybody experiences anxiety differently and has different triggers. I was simply trying to explain that I have struggled with anxiety all my life, that at times I have been suicidal and found thing extremely difficult and that I have realised that the only times I can honestly say that I have been able to manage it to the point that I can actually have a good quality of life is when I have been based at home rather than in paid employment. I definitely do not assume that is the case for everyone with anxiety.

xxx

Work*

I agree with you completely TypicallyEnglishMustard, thank you for replying. Incidentally I was also a teacher but left a few years ago following terrible bullying by my head and now work in a different field. I know exactly what you mean about the 6 week holiday - often had the 'WHAT!' response in my head!

I understand where you're coming from but in my experience the reality is different. I love writing, reading, baking, cooking, growing plants, gardening, cake decorating, flower arranging and many other creative low-stress activities. But none of these are compatible with a baby IMO! My DS is 6-months and wants to be held all day, cries a lot. I love him very much and am delighted to be a mum but it's the hardest job I've ever had! My anxiety is through the roof and I'm so sleep deprived I'm running on espresso shots. There is no time for cooking, barely time for eating and getting dressed, and I've had to get a cleaner.

I had an idyllic vision of being a housewife and mum but I'm looking forward to getting back to work. I miss the mental challenge of my job and realise I would be very bored being a SAHM!

If you want the lifestyle why not seek out a man who can provide it, someone who wants and can afford a SAHM/housewife.

I'm with you OP, I have been a SAHM/Student since having my first 9 years ago. I found being home all the time with just the DC a little problematic, mainly due to my health issues, so I have done a degree to get me out the house three times a week. I have timed it right so that by the time I finish my masters all 4 dc will be full time, I'll do my phd while they are at school and still have plenty of time to just be at home. By the time I have finished that they will all be nearing late primary, early secondary and I will be at home full time again - Our lives run much smoother as a household when I am home (home most of the time as a student). We all prefer it. DH is happy to support us and we have no dreams of grandeur so will muddle along on one wage happily enough.

I find a mixed reception to not wanting to work again, and most people cant understand doing degrees for pleasure rather than employment either. I love my life, I consider myself retired tbh... at 31

I'm so glad to read such a positive post, you sound so happy BabyDubsEverywhere - I am quite academic and would love to study again if I could so I would definitely love to be in your position. Unfortunately I am single with no prospects of being otherwise anytime soon so I know this is sadly not realistic.

I get where you're coming from OP, but the reality sadly isn't always the same as the dream.

Before DS I was adamant I didn't want to work again after maternity leave, and dreamt of the type of life you described. I didn't realise that babies don't always allow time for keeping the house lovely and clean, or even five minutes to yourself, let alone reading and baking etc. In the end I was keen to go back to work when I never ever thought I would be.

Just trying to let you know the grass isn't always greener. Agree with all the PPs suggestions of trying some different kind of work, fostering etc. Look into different avenues. It does sound like trying to address the anxiety/MH issues would be the best first step though. Good luck with everything.

I'm academic (have PhD/postdoc) and I would love to be a sahm!

My job is incredibly stressful and my boss makes my life a misery. I'm currently on maternity leave and the thought of going back and not seeing my little boy all day is heartbreaking...

But unless I win the lottery it's not going to happen... :( I guess most of us have to work.