To wish I could be housewife

[BeBe32]

Hi

I've never posted here before, so hello to you all. I don't know if this is a bit strange but it's something I've been thinking about for a while. I am 32, single and live alone. I feel like I have never really found a job that I am passionate about and feel a bit lost and directionless. Even when I have been in a job that I really enjoy I still have not felt content in a way or fulfilled.

I have realised recently that if I am completely honest, if I could do anything it would probably be a housewife or home maker. Despite being quite academic at school I don't really feel overly ambitious and I think when I was younger I assumed by the time I was this age I always imagined I would have children and be married rather than picturing myself in a particular career, so maybe that's the problem. I also suffer with anxiety and I often feel this is triggered by work situations and the only time I feel calm and in control when I am at home, in control of my own time and not feeing under pressure from managers and colleagues, I sometimes feel like I would be so much happier and less anxious if it wasn't for work.

Obviously there's nothing I can do as I am single and cannot give up work but I suppose I just wanted to see if anyone else feels like this and perhaps how I can stop focusing on what I wish I could be doing and accept that that won't happen.

xx

I remember thinking when I had a job that I found difficult and boring at times that I would like to be at home with children so I didn't have to go out to work. Now I am at home with children and am certainly in no rush to get a full-time job when the youngest starts school, though I think I might get some raised eyebrows if I stay at home for years. There will be plenty of things to keep me occupied between the hours of 9 and 3, and I won't have the pressures or stress of a job outside the home.

I suppose I was a housewife for about a year before we had children, or maybe it would be fairer to say I was unemployed (though I didn't claim JSA). We relocated for DH's job and I had had to give up my job, and didn't manage to find another one. At the time, it seemed a strange position to be in and I felt very lazy when I told people I wasn't working. I wouldn't like to go back to that, but I am looking forward to being at home when the children are both at school but are still young enough to need me to pick them up.

Could it be worth trying to find a job that causes you less anxiety, and, even if it may not be as interesting or fulfilling as you'd hoped, gives you time to pursue other interests and to enjoy being at home?

I genuinely enjoy baking, cleaning and looking after a home. Also I don't think I would get bored as I love reading, baking and would love to try writing but I just feel that I never have any time to explore any of those things properly due to work.

I feel like you're saying two quite different things. There are loads of things most people would love to try, but are unable to (or at least find it more difficult to) because of work. I would love to read, and write, and even bake all day - but it is not very realistic as I still have to live.

I'm sorry you're feeling anxious at work, is there some way you could look at cutting down on hours? Or changing career?

Otherwise I'm afraid I find the 'want to be a housewife' thing a bit of a cop out. I'm sure loads of men would love to stay home reading and writing as well, but it isn't as accepted from them to say they want to 'stay home and look after the house'. I also don't know how much less stressful you would find staying home with a bunch of kids - no to mention this reading/writing/baking time!

It's interesting that lots of people are replying with a positive response when it's an abstract concept. I suspect if someone posted saying they didn't like working because it was stressful and they would be happier at home baking, cleaning and reading but their DH wasn't happy about working FT to enable her to do that-it would be a very different set of answers!

the only time I feel calm and in control when I am at home, in control of my own time and not feeing under pressure - add a baby and a toddler to this, and most people would not describe it as a relaxing experience, in control and not under pressure. I have a high pressured job and it's a bloody holiday compared to being home with a toddler.

If you mean being a housewife without kids, then that's of course quite different. Might be a little challenging to find someone willing to fund a lifestyle of reading and baking though.

So what about a change of career instead? Antyhing you like that might also bring enough income?

I could have written this.
I hate work so much.
I am hugely jealous of pensioners, because their working life is over.
if I could press a button tomorrow and be retired, sacrificing my youth, I would do so without hesitation.

i fully expect to die at work. it is killing me and gives me no peace.
i have been in a number of different jobs and they are all as bad as each other.
i have thought about ending my life because I am sick of living this way. i think there is a possibility that i will end it within the next few years. what's the point of living when work takes up 99.99% of my head space anyway?

I don't think it makes you unusual or a bad person to think you'd rather please yourself all day than have to work - I agree!

It's not usually possible though and maybe you could try to find a job you enjoy more?

OP would you consider being a foster carer? Authorities are crying out for them. You could care for children in great need and be at home....be a homemaker.

Also...if you don't have children but you have a job you can DEFINITELY try writing. I have children and a day job and manage to write in the evenings.

To be completely honest, many people would love your definition of 'housewife'. Some people would call it 'retirement'.

What you are saying is that you would prefer to do whatever you like, pursue your hobbies and don't have to worry about money. (Obviously for some people the do whatever you like is climb the career ladder). If you look at it this way, who wouldn't want that.

Many people feel lost. I have a family, a career I love. And I still wonder what I would be doing for the next 20+ years before retirement.

I happen to know women who like it and have been that way. Even when they are doing some small job or earning, they are not too happy about it and do it for financial reasons only. So your are not exception certainly.
I am a house wife right now and hate it. It is utterly boring and i feel very tense about it sometimes. Can't wait to get back to work.
So both sides of the arguments are fair enough and up to you to feel at home with whichever.

Could you go part time? If you only have yourself to support would that be an option?

I had a colleague who went down to 3 days a week when I was teaching - single woman in her late 30s, no kids. She just wanted the work life balance and a bit of time year around (not just in the holidays) to study and read and paint apparently, and could afford to live on 60% of her salary, and why not, you only get one life. As we were working in a school that had just come out of special measures and had massive retention problems and she was good at her job she was granted her request, because the school preferred to keep her part time and happy than lose her.

Fed up/that's so true!!!

Pottering! Who wouldn't love to? Most people I know would rather not work- hence the success of the National Lottery.

Sorry, missed that you are only just getting by, so part time probably not an option. It does sound a bit as though you want to retire - there is quite a lot of responsibility if you are home with children, it can be stressful, not all baking in a lovely tidy peaceful home! If you were a housewife without children supported by a working husband you might find that in return for your lifestyle of choice you started to feel somewhat as if he were your boss, expecting dinner on the table at x time and shirts ironed and you to be happy to host his friends/ family/ colleagues for dinner at the drop of a hat and be charming and gracious and well groomed etc. rather than being free to please yourself.

You need to look for a career change if you really want to spend your days caring for kids and baking and cleaning and cooking and so on - probably a live in nanny or housekeeper job would fit the bill. But if you simply don't want to work at all, yet want to be be financially independent - well don't we all, that's why people play the lottery!

I wouldn't consider myself a housewife as the housewifey things take so little time to do.
There is always plenty of time to do what you want to, and never boring.

As you can't go part time what about a whole new direction.
You have no ties so the sky's the limit, you could go anywhere and do anything.

I felt the same when I was single and 27. I was very lucky and found a nice dh and had a ds. I do like it much better being a SAHM. I feel as if this is the job that I have the skills to do.

MIL has been a housewife for 32 years. It's only been in the past 2 years that she has been able to read, potter, bake etc whenever she wants. Raising four kids, supporting them through school, university as well as support her husband and do all that Schwab states is tough, tougher than I can ever appreciate.

I work from home part-time and study part-time. I am living in a country where I am not able to easily work, in order to accelerate DH's career. 4 days a week, I work or study and have one day of watching trashy TV, baking, cooking, reading etc. It's a great balance.

However DH earns more than enough to support us both and it is not going to be forever. Another year maximum and I have to go back to work full-time.

Second suggestions that you need to look for a live-in housekeeper/nanny job. Otherwise it's just wishful thinking and you having a bit of a moan.

What about some sort of self-employment you could combine with being at home and be in charge of, craft type thing cooking / floristry something like that?

I was born to "potter" - I'm also academic but only ever wanted to be a wife and mum (not the kind of thing you own up to at university!). Fortunately I now have my wish, and yes, for me, it is everything I'd imagined and hoped for. BUT it isn't for everyone. My best friend is a career lady with a very successful career behind her and wouldn't suit being a SAHM or housewife at all. We're all different. I have no really useful information to give I'm afraid, but I do understand where you're coming from, and hope that you can maybe find a "career" that will let you stay at home.

I'm a housewife and I utterly hate it. I'm browsing jobs in the other tab at the moment, but without enough money for childcare nor any assistance from family, there's no chance unless someone wants to let me work 35 hours over the weekend. I am bored, frustrated and feel like I'm sitting at home waiting to grow old and die. My twenties are gone and my thirties are going the same way, tick tick ticking away.

Sort your job out and find something you enjoy.

I've had moments when I've felt like this especially after having DC.
But I'm rubbish at housework, don't particularly enjoy it, and am single.

then I realised what I really wanted to be was rich, pay someone else to do the housework, and fill my days with what pleases me! :)

I'm assuming housewife isn't the same as SAHM.

I was thinking housewife means no need to work and no real commitments. Sounds amazing!

I've been a housewife for about 9 years now and it's only just recently that my life has started to resemble what you are after. My mat leave was great, until all my new friends went back to work after a year and I was alone with a one year old and newly pregnant. The next few years were very hard work to build a life where I was intellectually and socially stimulated. With small dc I had little time for me. I think if you have anxiety you might find yourself in a situation where you become easily isolated. It's taken me years to make friends with other women who have room in their lives for friendship- ie they have time for something else besides work and family.

Even now that I have 2 dc in school and 1 in preschool, it feels like I always have to justify my lifestyle and thus I do a huge amount of volunteering and community work, and even doing a part time degree, leaving little time for baking, reading, etc. I do really like being a housewife, particularly since I'm getting to the 'good bit' now, but it sounds like you need to deal with your anxiety in another way first. Maybe then something like fostering would work for you as someone suggested above.

It seems to be considered weird or 'lazy' to want to stay at home, raise your own children and spend your time caring for a family because women who work have to do both.
Women used to do part time work if they were bored or needed a bit of extra money but to survive these days most families need two full time incomes.
If you stay at home there is not the community/neighbour social aspect anymore so you may be lonely