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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this mum is taking advantage a bit?

86 replies

cardboardboxx · 29/02/2016 07:42

Ds is 5 and on the way to school i meet up with another mum to walk the 15 min journey. On average 2 to 3 days a week she asks if her dd can walk with me as she has to be at work/go back to bed as she has been on nights/other child is ill/needs to get to an appointment.

At first i was happy to help but now im thinking am i being taken for a mug a bit? She has my phone number and rings me to ask to pick her dd up. Ive stopped answering the phone now.

The thing is i dont know how to say no as we see her on the way to school! I also have a 3yo dd who i need to watch too.

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 29/02/2016 11:27

It sounds as though it's the walk to school itself that she struggles with/can't be arsed with, so breakfast club is unlikely to help as she'd still need to walk her kid there. I doubt it's the cost of breakfast club.

PS: Still not suggesting it's your problem OP.

zipzap · 29/02/2016 11:28

I'd also tell the mum that the last few times the dd has been with you she's not done what she's told, that the walk has taken 10 minutes longer than it usually does and that you're worried about her behaviour next to the road, such that you don't feel that you can ensure the safety of her child as well as your own.

Even if she doesn't stop asking you, it might make the walk a bit easier if she makes sure her dd knows that she needs to be on her best behaviour with you!

Havalina1 · 29/02/2016 11:29

I would be also be getting annoyed, anticipating her asking... that would bug me.

But I'm a working mum myself and everyone tells us to ask for help - that people can say no. It often feels like 'survival'. So I also empathise with her. Going back to bed - sure she is probably exhausted (well, I am!)

yumyumpoppycat · 29/02/2016 11:35

Maybe text her and say Hi df I am keen to be there for you any time there is an emergency, but unfortunately I am finding the frequent walk to school with all three children quite difficult. Possibly one of the other mums might be keen to do this in a paid way as you mentioned paying me before, but I am sorry its not something I am able to do regularly. See you soon Cardboard.

Scone1nSixtySeconds · 29/02/2016 11:43

Definitely not anti working mum - good grief!

But a parent who tries to shuffle off a four year old multiple times a week - and from what Op has said - not for work - whose older child does pick up?

I am really glad she isn't a matter for concern, and that in this case the mother is simply too lazy or disinterested to take her 4yr old to school on a regular basis. Like the rest of us.

Only1scoop · 29/02/2016 11:44

It's a bit worrying that effectively she tries to palm her off to you en route if she couldn't get you on the phone.

TeddTess · 29/02/2016 11:46

some people do just hate the school run though
it doesn't make sense to them to see all these people walk these kids to the same place when one person could take them all

i had a neighbour like this, was always wanting me to take her kids. couldn't see the point of us both going. i didn't want to take her kids. they always ran ahead and stressed me out! i didn't want her taking my kids either though!

Original poster

cardboardboxx · 29/02/2016 12:07

Thank you for all your replies, i think im going to wait til next time she asks and try explain that its a bit of a struggle with three little ones. As long as i dont bottle it!

OP posts:

yumyumpoppycat · 29/02/2016 12:13

My only reason for suggesting a text was that if you wait until she asks her dd will be there and she might emotionally 'blackmail' you/ guilt trip you into taking the dd? I can see how your plan is less confrontational though.

Sonnet · 29/02/2016 13:04

Scone these were the reasons that Cardboard gave in her opening post: "On average 2 to 3 days a week she asks if her dd can walk with me as she has to be at work/go back to bed as she has been on nights/other child is ill/needs to get to an appointment"

To me these are either work related or related to having multiple children - not a lazy person who cannot be bothered with the school run.

I agree that she shouldn't dump her childcare issues on the OP and yes I agree she needs to sort childcare out BUT hardly "I am really glad she isn't a matter for concern, and that in this case the mother is simply too lazy or disinterested to take her 4yr old to school on a regular basis. Like the rest of us."

Have a little compassion for those juggling multiple children and work please.

mimishimmi · 29/02/2016 18:32

sonnet I think it's the lack of reciprocity rather than asking the favour which is the problem. I got asked to walk a newish neighbour's boy back the other week due to mum's work commitment. Our sons are in the same class and it was lovely to hear them chat. Although I didn't take her up on it, she was quick to offer to take my son so I didn't feel like she was someone who was going to take the mick.

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