to feel put out when my friend implies how morally good she is?

[CorporateMachineWithAHeart]

My friend has recently started work in the charity sector. It is not a highly paid job but she enjoys it hugely, and is good at it. Whilst it is rewarding and challenging, many of the aspects of it seem, to me, really interesting and fun too: for example, she is sometimes asked to scout around the city for venues for luxury fundraising events; she often has to help out at fundraising days; she is in charge of mailing important donors and meeting those who donate.

I OTOH am going into a more corporate role. It is better paid than hers but equally the hours are longer, the work will probably be less interesting and obviously won't be anywhere near as rewarding as hers (I won't be helping people).

When we meet up, she always talks disdainfully about friends of ours who have "sold out" to the corporate machine and talks in glowing terms about those who haven't, as she sees it. FWIW this sector wasn't her first choice, she was interested in Corporate Law and also PR originally.

I'm certainly not trying to disparage her, just don't understand why she always has to make it into a competition about who is the better person She forgets her job is interesting and she gets to do fun things but she sometimes seems to imply she's doing it because she really cares etc. -rather than being paid, as if to lay it on thick that I am "selling my soul"

[iknowimcoming]

Charitable job or not - it's possible she's just not a very nice person. The fact that you haven't told her to quit bleating on about it so far means that you most likely are op!

[intravenouscoffee]

I work for a charity. It doesn't make me morally superior. I do it because I like the job and it pays enough for me to live off.

The charity I work for is financially supported by a number of corporate sponsors. If they didn't exist we wouldn't exist.

Your friend sounds like a pain in the neck. I can guarantee the people she works with won't be thinking how amazing she is for taking a job in the charity sector. I'd try to ignore her and keep changing the subject whenever she brings it up. Or you could just laugh. Which is what I would do if any of my colleagues suggested they were a brilliant human being because they worked for a charity.

[LaurieMarlow]

Nothing wrong with greasing the wheels of capitalism. Someone's got to make the money that pays for all the lovely, morally righteous jobs in the charity sector.

Ask her if she'd be willing to do it for free

[JolseBaby]

Working for a charity does not make you morally superior - Camilla Batmanghelidj anyone?

She sounds very insecure. I have worked for a charity in a professional role before (not fundraising) and Mrs DV is spot on. There are the idealists, the scheming machiavellian types and the dripping with ambition types - just like in any office in any sector. I once met the head of an HIV and AIDS charity who didn't know what KS was - he was a 'professional' CEO and knew very little about the charities he worked for because he wasn't really interested. That said, he was very effective at his job so in a sense it didn't really matter.

[bertiebow]

Sorry if I've missed it, but I'm guessing you're both recent grads.

It's a tricky time because this is the first point at which your lives start to be radically different from each other. When you're at university, people might have rich parents, but in a sense you're all at the same level. Then you graduate and people start earning different salaries, which in turns affects who their new friends are, where they live, what they can do. People get very sensitive about it and it can definitely affect friendships.

You mentioned that you discussed how much money someone at your firm is on and that pissed her off. She sounds annoying and insecure, but she probably took that as a boast about how much you'll be earning in x years time. Wrongly, people do just how successful you are purely on how much money you make and maybe she feels judged as being less successful because she's not raking it in. I've found that it's best not to talk about money, or even work sometimes, at all. Certainly not if you have very different salaries and want to maintain the friendship.

Having said that, I was friends with someone who could just not get over the fact that I went to a different (more "prestigious" university) to her, and kept making little digs. In the end I just had to stop being friends with her because she was being so irritating.

[thebiscuitindustry]

Experience of the corporate sector is probably rather useful for a lot of charity jobs.

[BrightBagLady]

"Please will you not make comments and references that anyone working in the corporate world has sold out or is any way morally worse than this in the not for profit sector"

"Why?"

"Because where a person works is not an indicator of their moral worth. It is only appropriate to judge someone, if you have to judge them at all on their actions and behaviour."



And repeat.

I really think you have to say something.

[AyeAmarok]

I think she feels left behind by you all and is trying to claw back the higher ground by making out it was a conscious moral choice.

However, is there a bit of you who is annoyed that rather than her acknowledging your good job, she's putting it/you down?

[ChickyChickyParmParm]

"just noticed XYZ [mutual friend] got a new job... I thought he would have sold out but no, he's helping on international aid deals, really making a difference"

I can picture Jez from Peep Show saying this line!

I would just say "wow that's awesome, good for them" to the above. And just keep repeating it.

[RoboticSealpup]

There are some right sharks in the Not For Profit Sector. Its not all yogurt knitting and dolphin stroking.

So true, MrsDeVere. The worst boss I ever had was for a charity with a very 'cuddly' and inclusive image. The kind of person who sneers at any sign of weakness in others.

[oldlaundbooth]

She's not happy, wants to go corporate.