to feel put out when my friend implies how morally good she is?

[CorporateMachineWithAHeart]

My friend has recently started work in the charity sector. It is not a highly paid job but she enjoys it hugely, and is good at it. Whilst it is rewarding and challenging, many of the aspects of it seem, to me, really interesting and fun too: for example, she is sometimes asked to scout around the city for venues for luxury fundraising events; she often has to help out at fundraising days; she is in charge of mailing important donors and meeting those who donate.

I OTOH am going into a more corporate role. It is better paid than hers but equally the hours are longer, the work will probably be less interesting and obviously won't be anywhere near as rewarding as hers (I won't be helping people).

When we meet up, she always talks disdainfully about friends of ours who have "sold out" to the corporate machine and talks in glowing terms about those who haven't, as she sees it. FWIW this sector wasn't her first choice, she was interested in Corporate Law and also PR originally.

I'm certainly not trying to disparage her, just don't understand why she always has to make it into a competition about who is the better person She forgets her job is interesting and she gets to do fun things but she sometimes seems to imply she's doing it because she really cares etc. -rather than being paid, as if to lay it on thick that I am "selling my soul"

[oldlaundbooth]

She's not happy, wants to go corporate.

[RoboticSealpup]

There are some right sharks in the Not For Profit Sector. Its not all yogurt knitting and dolphin stroking.

So true, MrsDeVere. The worst boss I ever had was for a charity with a very 'cuddly' and inclusive image. The kind of person who sneers at any sign of weakness in others.

[ChickyChickyParmParm]

"just noticed XYZ [mutual friend] got a new job... I thought he would have sold out but no, he's helping on international aid deals, really making a difference"

I can picture Jez from Peep Show saying this line!

I would just say "wow that's awesome, good for them" to the above. And just keep repeating it.

[AyeAmarok]

I think she feels left behind by you all and is trying to claw back the higher ground by making out it was a conscious moral choice.

However, is there a bit of you who is annoyed that rather than her acknowledging your good job, she's putting it/you down?

[BrightBagLady]

"Please will you not make comments and references that anyone working in the corporate world has sold out or is any way morally worse than this in the not for profit sector"

"Why?"

"Because where a person works is not an indicator of their moral worth. It is only appropriate to judge someone, if you have to judge them at all on their actions and behaviour."



And repeat.

I really think you have to say something.

[thebiscuitindustry]

Experience of the corporate sector is probably rather useful for a lot of charity jobs.

[bertiebow]

Sorry if I've missed it, but I'm guessing you're both recent grads.

It's a tricky time because this is the first point at which your lives start to be radically different from each other. When you're at university, people might have rich parents, but in a sense you're all at the same level. Then you graduate and people start earning different salaries, which in turns affects who their new friends are, where they live, what they can do. People get very sensitive about it and it can definitely affect friendships.

You mentioned that you discussed how much money someone at your firm is on and that pissed her off. She sounds annoying and insecure, but she probably took that as a boast about how much you'll be earning in x years time. Wrongly, people do just how successful you are purely on how much money you make and maybe she feels judged as being less successful because she's not raking it in. I've found that it's best not to talk about money, or even work sometimes, at all. Certainly not if you have very different salaries and want to maintain the friendship.

Having said that, I was friends with someone who could just not get over the fact that I went to a different (more "prestigious" university) to her, and kept making little digs. In the end I just had to stop being friends with her because she was being so irritating.

[JolseBaby]

Working for a charity does not make you morally superior - Camilla Batmanghelidj anyone?

She sounds very insecure. I have worked for a charity in a professional role before (not fundraising) and Mrs DV is spot on. There are the idealists, the scheming machiavellian types and the dripping with ambition types - just like in any office in any sector. I once met the head of an HIV and AIDS charity who didn't know what KS was - he was a 'professional' CEO and knew very little about the charities he worked for because he wasn't really interested. That said, he was very effective at his job so in a sense it didn't really matter.

[LaurieMarlow]

Nothing wrong with greasing the wheels of capitalism. Someone's got to make the money that pays for all the lovely, morally righteous jobs in the charity sector.

Ask her if she'd be willing to do it for free

[intravenouscoffee]

I work for a charity. It doesn't make me morally superior. I do it because I like the job and it pays enough for me to live off.

The charity I work for is financially supported by a number of corporate sponsors. If they didn't exist we wouldn't exist.

Your friend sounds like a pain in the neck. I can guarantee the people she works with won't be thinking how amazing she is for taking a job in the charity sector. I'd try to ignore her and keep changing the subject whenever she brings it up. Or you could just laugh. Which is what I would do if any of my colleagues suggested they were a brilliant human being because they worked for a charity.

[iknowimcoming]

Charitable job or not - it's possible she's just not a very nice person. The fact that you haven't told her to quit bleating on about it so far means that you most likely are op!

[Italiangreyhound]

Steer the talk away from work.

If she is happy, great, if not you are there for her, or rather perhaps say it all sounds great and if you ever have any work stresses I am here for you.

It's not and should not be a competition. Either have it out with her (you find it hurtful - if you do) or steer away from work and talk about other things.

[pastmyduedate0208]

But Ruby, you sold them off to the corporate machine!

[RubySparks]

Agree Corporate! I have worked (sold out) for a very big corporate and also for a charity. They are very different, but pros and cons for both. I have the same morals I always had.

[CorporateMachineWithAHeart]

HeyYouGetOffMyCloud - come on, really?! You cannot honestly claim that someone's job title dictates "how moral" they are

[HeyYouGetOffMyCloud]

Maybe she feels the need to justify herself to people who give the impression she's left behind financially.
Those saying that people working in the corporate sector are just as moral as those in the third and public sector. Well that's simply not true. Take your big pay cheque but you can't have that as well.

[NiceCardigan]

I worked for a charity and the pay was pitiful with enormous expectations of what I was expected to do for the people I was helping. I just couldn't sustain it. It was a world away from fancy events.

I'd be at your friend.

[RitaVinTease]

People who need to put others down are deeply insecure individuals who assume everyone else is judging them in the same way. Plus they are tedious company,
I'm guessing she is insecure about her salary. Dont mention money and see if that helps.

[RoboticSealpup]

And pips squeak. Bloody hell, better go to bed now...

[RoboticSealpup]

That should be courting rich 'philanthropists'!

[RoboticSealpup]

Jesus, she's coding rich "philanthropists" and putting on glamorous events to get them to part with their cash. Charities are run like corporations these days and they are just as interested in sustaining themselves and continue to pay their staff was they are in helping "the cause". Not all money goes to helping people! They also squeeze volunteers and paid staff until the pips squea, giving little in return because the job is so "fulfilling".

Yes, I'm a bitter ex-charity slave employee.

[CorporateMachineWithAHeart]

theycallmemellojello - absolutely know what you mean but I don't necessarily think that the people in question are doing it solely for this. I think it is a combination of who has offered them a job (all relatively recent graduates), the location, the money. I do admire the thought behind it but to be frank none of us are really in the position where we can choose where we work that much atm - we're not CEOs, just normal graduates finding our niche. The way she describes it, it is very much a conscious decision that people have taken and I don't think (at least in my circles - young graduates, first job out of uni, competitive job market) it often is.

pastmyduedate0208 - I think that's quite unfair actually! I'm not dreadfully insecure and have no wish to compare myself to her. I would happily exist quite comfortably without comparing myself to her... It is just that she has commented one too many times now on the differences between us, and this has tipped the balance for me really. I have always changed the subject in the past but I'm fed up of just mutely nodding and taking her comments. I feel like she's looking to put me down a peg or two

[Louise43210]

You say "She's just like me then, she's gone over to the dark side" or something insulting to yourself. She may realise then that she's also insulting you, you never know.

[CorporateMachineWithAHeart]

Wow, some really excellent advice here, food for thought!

Totally agree with the posters who said that you can work for a supposedly "evil" company and still have just as good/better principles than someone who works for a charity.

I think I'm annoyed because like I said it was never her first choice originally or "calling" - by which I mean she did it for the money, not first and foremost due to a desire to help people.

Secondly, she seems to conveniently ignore the fact that her job is quite fun, involves planning events and interestingly a large proportion of money raised comes from the corporate sector!

Thirdly, as PPs have said, she is being paid for it!

Just don't understand why it always has to come to down to who is better than who, morally...

I do wonder if it has come about from wanting to prove herself... We did discuss salaries once and I mentioned briefly how someone a few years ahead me (at same firm) was on x amount (not to boast; who's to say I'll make it that far) and she seemed to really take it to heart. Who knows. I certainly have never discussed my job in comparison to hers though - just don't see the point!