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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed by DPs constant compliments?

60 replies

SashaFierce99 · 28/02/2016 00:16

I am a SAHM and DP works long hours. I don't do anything besides be with the DC and he occasionally goes out with friends but has no hobbies so I don't feel we have that much to talk about. I feel like he is constantly trying to catch my eye and everytime he does he tells me I'm amazing, he can't wait to marry me, meeting me was the best thing he ever did, I'm the love of his life etc. Even the oldest DC roll their eyes at him now as he says it to fill every silence.

He also declares his love 20+ times per day and I'm struggling to reply without sounding snappy. If I go upstairs to read with one DC for half hour he'll tell me he missed me when I come down...! I am pretty independent so not sure if I'm being harsh to be irritated by it all. Aibu to wish he'd find something else to say?!

OP posts:
hiddenhome2 · 28/02/2016 00:19

Blimey, he sounds like hard work Confused

Fatmomma99 · 28/02/2016 00:23

what is it that you'd want?

PuntasticUsername · 28/02/2016 00:23

Did this start just recently, or has he always been like this?

If it's new behaviour, tbh my first thought would be that he might be having an affair.

TheCatsFlaps · 28/02/2016 00:24

In a way, he can't win, but it does sound rather suffocating. How long have you been together?

KoalaDownUnder · 28/02/2016 00:25

That is...weird. And boring.

How long have you been together? Are the children biologically his?

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/02/2016 00:29

"I don't feel we have that much to talk about."
Sounds like you feel in a real rut. You say you "don't do anything besides be with the DC" - are you happy with that? Or would you prefer to have more going on? A job? Hobbies? Time to yourself?

Do you think he's feeling the same, and filling the silence with what he intends to be positivity about your relationship? I suppose it beats a sullen silence, but I think I'd feel the same as you. Constant declarations of love and devotion - well, it just feels insincere, doesn't it? (Although it's fair to say I am a very unromantic person, maybe I just don't appreciate this sort of thing.)

"he can't wait to marry me"
What a strange thing for him to say. With children old enough to roll their eyes, clearly he can wait, and has waited! (And I'd struggle to not snap that back at that particular declaration.)

Hol321 · 28/02/2016 00:30

Sounds like his insecurity's are showing through via his over affection.

If its making you feel uncomfortably then you need to say something in the kindest possible way as he's clearly quite fragile by what you describe!

Original poster
SashaFierce99 · 28/02/2016 00:30

Very suffocating!! We've been together for six years. He's become increasingly needy over the years; he doesn't go anywhere to have an affair. I feel like he's obsessed with me. I like banter and laughter in a relationship not whining and neediness.

OP posts:
Alasalas · 28/02/2016 00:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
SashaFierce99 · 28/02/2016 00:32

I'm happy spending my time with the DC. I'd rather companionable silence than pointless platitudes. He has every opportunity to do whatever he wants but doesn't want to without me Hmm

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 28/02/2016 00:32

Fucking nightmare, what happens if you do reply snapping at him to STFU?

Does he realise what he's doing? Have you actually spelled it out to him and that you expect him to cut it down/out?

Did you start a thread about this a couple of months ago? If it wasn't you you might want a read because it was very similar and had some good advice.

Original poster
SashaFierce99 · 28/02/2016 00:34

I think he is lonely because the DC want me at all times and never him. I think he feels like a spare part in the family. I try and involve him but he's either preoccupied with his phone or declaring love to me so the DC get fed up with him.

OP posts:
julfin · 28/02/2016 00:34

I would struggle with that.

I think you both need to find yourself some (separate) hobbies, and hopefully that'll give you both new things to talk about and focus on, and new friends too. And then after a few months see how things are going with the relationship.

sugar21 · 28/02/2016 00:36

Are you the poster that saw those poor children who were freezing cold with no shoes and socks on ?

Original poster
SashaFierce99 · 28/02/2016 00:40

He doesn't want to do anything without me. The kids don't want to be left with him. I'm happy at home and not itching to get out but he makes me feel claustrophobic. Even on the sofa he always has to be touching me and if I'm reading he'll interrupt every few minutes with declarations of love.

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 28/02/2016 00:43

Again, are the kids his? How old and how many?

I'd be worried if my kids didn't want to be left with their father, frankly.

evelynj · 28/02/2016 00:51

Haha, that's hilarious, tho one not for you obv, I find my dh a little over-loving at times but think it's just because I'm in the same situation as you & when dc go to bed I just want my own space & no one to touch me for a while or need me to speak etc

Could you tell him you'd love him so much more if he got a hobby? Or sign him up for some classes? I wish my dh would go out the odd night-I was at a hen party this eve & was so jealous of him being home alone!

evelynj · 28/02/2016 00:52

Ooh, do the doc have a tablet? Ds idolises dh for his game skills Hmm

DirtyHarrietOnABike · 28/02/2016 01:01

You are so lucky. Unfortunately, you will realise it when you lose it...

AgentZigzag · 28/02/2016 01:03

Who's lucky Harriet? The OP??

KoalaDownUnder · 28/02/2016 01:06

What's 'lucky' about it? The whole situation sounds boring as batshit. Confused

BillSykesDog · 28/02/2016 01:15

Can your DH do anything right? I've read a few of your threads and I'm really starting to feel sorry for the poor bloke.

DirtyHarrietOnABike · 28/02/2016 01:26

She is lucky to be loved and adored. It'd really sad women find such gems of men boring. Then they run to the relationships board with stories of bruises, abuse, cheating etc. Well, what did you expect from your 'non-chalant, independent man with a hobby'?

That's rhetoric - don't answer me.

OP just doesn't love him. I'm sure she loves the convenient life he provides for her though.

WelshMoth · 28/02/2016 01:29

It's one thing to assume that the OP's partner is an over-bearing, lovesick, love struck, pathetic excuse for a man......

On the other hand, is the OP making him feel unloved, ignored, sidelined and neglected?

What's the truth here OP? Only you can tell us.

AgentZigzag · 28/02/2016 01:35

It doesn't matter what you think is sad for 'women' on the whole to feel Harriet, OP said she can't stand it and it's making her unhappy, what the fuck kind of weird love are you talking about?

Love doesn't make you feel unhappy, claustrophobic and suffocated.