to ask if its a really bad idea to TTC when we are in debt?

[neonrainbow]

DH and I have agreed to start TTC later this year. We are have our own house (with a mortgage) and are both in full time (hopefully secure) reasonably paid jobs. We also have about £15-£18k debt. (Some is from the wedding and a consolidation loan but the bulk is from where DH struggled when on his own with paying mortgage and bills and therefore racked up credit card debt and debt to family to avoid losing his house) We have already moved as much as we can to interest free and low interest arrangements.

We are keeping up with minimum payments on the debts with no problem, and paying off as much as we can but still its going down extremely slowly. Would it be a really bad idea to TTC this year with this hanging over us? If we did have a baby I think I would want at least 9 months off on maternity leave if not a year and then go part time, and I think we would struggle.

DH thinks we would find a way to manage. Im 31 and had always had this sort of age in my head as a good age to start having children and DH would have one yesterday if he could. I would be happy to get most baby stuff second hand so its the drop in wages and potential childcare costs Id be most worried about. I think it would take 2-3 years at least to completely clear the debt and not sure whether we should wait that long.

Is DH right? Do people just find a way to cope? Or would we be really foolish to take the risk?

We waited for years. Now 37 had first baby. Still in debt. But you manage.

We both wish we hadn't waited. Now planning second .

I personally would not wait.

Ps the fact he's in such a hurry to have a baby despite the debt and takes the attitude that 'we'll find a way' is a worry.

People 'find a way to manage' when they are in a more stable financial situation - obviously you can't spend your life worrying about what might or might not happen.

But he doesn't seem to take the debt seriously - as others say what if one of you becomes ill or is made redundant?

I'd clear the debt first, there are existing children who should be priority. If you really want a child, you'll be prepared to cut all luxuries now in order to give it the best start.

Childcare and maternity leave are expensive and as you don't want to work much either then that's a whole load of stress to add onto your DH who already has dependants to support.

"your dh got into a massive pile of debt so why would you let him decide this?"

This! Of course in a marriage it has to be a joint decision, but I find his past debts and "we will manage" attitude worrying.

I think you should take one year to live as frugally as you can and pay off as much debt as possible. Then start TTC at the end of the year. You will only be 32 and you'll still have plenty of time. All this scaremongering about fertility - the difference between 31 and 32 is not significant. If you're going to have problems TTC it will happen whenever you start. And at 32 you'll still have plenty of time.

Depending on your financial situation when the baby is born, you might have to go back to work earlier than you'd like - all the more reason to wait a bit longer so you can take 6+ months of maternity leave if you want to.

gooseberry I'm interested to know what you think

We lived off the equivalent of our monthly income when I wouldn't be working, and saved the difference for a year. It meant we increased our savings as a buffer, but in your case it would reduce your debt whilst also seeing if it is actually manageable.

I think 6 months to a year of doing the above before ttc, then the time it takes to get pregnant plus the 9months is a good compromise.
Really be strict with yourselves and get that debt down especially if you want another one after that.

Bloody hell. I've struck again! I'm not doing anything unusual, honestly

I say again too, relative to your income and earning potential(?) you're in a lot of debt - I went back at 7 mos with dc2 ft precisely to arrest getting into more debt and it was fine, maybe you need to be more realistic about maternity leave and working pt - is it a deal breaker to you wrt ttc if you have to carry on ft work and go back earlier than you'd like? You need to tell your dh that if so.

I do think you both sound like you need to take a much more responsible view of your life and finances.

He ran up debt before. While still in debt you both decided to have a bigger than necessary wedding, adding to it. Your debt still isn't cleared and you're not paying much more than minimum payments.

Now you want to add a further level of financial stress on top by having a baby, assuming you'll just "find a way to manage", which sounds like credit cards. And rather than taking the sensible view of taking a shorter mat leave, you want to take the maximum, which will be unpaid

You need to start being sensible. One can only have luxuries like a year off if you get yourself in a good position with savings beforehand.

Life is full of compromises. You either need to wait until it is cleared and scale back your living standards, hobbies etc and get an extra job each so you clear it quicker.

Or you go for it now, do the above until the baby comes so you're in as good a position as possible and then take 6 months max mat leave.

Get your grown up head on. You can only live the life your finances allow.

AyeAmarok I didnt actually say how much of the debt was from the wedding and I havent said how big the wedding was. All weddings cost at least some money and ours was a modest one, far far below the national average. If I didnt have my "grown up head on" I wouldn't be asking the question Id just get on with TTC.

My question wasn't "were we unreasonable to get into debt" but "would it be foolish to have a baby when we are in debt or do people just cope." The responses have not been what I expected in terms of that question - so its given me a lot to think about. I thought more responses would have been "go for it, you'll cope". So shows I am probably right to be cautious.

At the time DH ran up the debts he had a choice - pay maintenance and travel to see his child (who his ex took 5 hrs drive away) or pay his living expenses instead. She left him with a mortgage that had been based on both of their incomes. Something had to give and I think its to his credit that he didn't let that be his relationship with his child.

Now we are married in my eyes it doesn't really matter where the debt came from - all finances are joint now including debt.

Mog I wouldn't want to go back full time but until we are in that situation I dont know whether Id love staying at home or whether Id be desperate to get back to work. Both mine and DH workplaces are quite good with flexible hours so hopefully we could work around each other.

I like your idea Grapejuice. I said a years mat leave and part time as being my ideal situation, Im under no illusions that I might not be able to have as much as that. I can see now if thats the way we want it we will have to reduce the debt first so thanks for your responses everyone, time for a chat with DH.

No I know, but you did say:

We also have about £15-£18k debt. (Some is from the wedding and a consolidation loan but the bulk is from where DH struggled when on his own with paying mortgage and bills

So it doesn't sound like it was a £175 registry office job. That's what I mean about choices and sensible head, not doing unnecessary things that add to your debt - things that, while lovely and nice to have, aren't essential and when you can't afford them then you wait until you can or forgo them.

I join the throng in saying you need to pay off these debts first. The treats, etc., need to stop now and both of you need to take a second job for the short term. Don't underestimate how hard it I to be flexi ble around babies and children, how expensive childcare is and how predictable babies are. It's a massive assumption that you will have one who is healthy and robust.

You need to clear the debts, prove you can live without treats for a year, and Pu some money aside as an emergency cushion. A child is a precious gift. Being skint with a sickly baby is thoroughly miserable and if that happens your income could halve for a year.

When we had ds 21 years ago we planned him on the basis that if we had to, we could survive on one income. We had lots of equity behind us. He was a sickly baby and me returning to work didn't work out. That year was very penny pinching and I didn't like it and we could have sold our house in London, repaid the mortgage and bought a bigger one ten miles out.

I would venture caution.

Personally I'd do everything I could to pay off that debt before entering a period of lower income (i.e. maternity leave). You're only just managing to pay off your debts and live right now with two full incomes each month. If you want to take 9-12 months off after having a baby your income is going to plunge and from what you've described you'll then be in trouble and unable to make your debt repayments.

If you really want to TTC now then I would accept that you'll have to take a lot less ML than you want and get back to full-time work within 3-6 months.

Your DH has his head in the sand if he thinks you'll just 'find a way to manage'. Unless he's going to get a better paid job to make up the shortfall of you losing income then no, you won't manage, you'll get into more debt.

It sounds like you both don't see debt as an issue and use it freely to have what you want now rather than save first. The very fact that you expected people to encourage you says a lot.

You are right in that weddings cost money, however most people save, or stick to what they can afford rather than getting into debt for a party.

There is a middle ground, cut your spending to the bare bones and take on any overtime or second jobs if available for 12 months and clear as much as you can in that time then TTC. Having a defined time will help with the pain of the spending cuts and you should be able to make a big dent in it in that time.

What are the reasons for his divorce? Was it anything to do with finances at all?

Also you need to be 100% on top of the numbers. You say you are between £15-£18k in debt. What exactly is it? £3000 makes a big difference when you are only paying off the minimum payment.

What is your dp's attitude towards money and this debt? Is he keen to pay it off? What has happened to the house where he has been paying the mortgage? Where is the equity? Presumably the financial settlement from his divorce is done and dusted.

Reason for the split without saying too much was that dsc was extremely ill when born and it put too much strain on their relationship and she left him. The ex told me herself that was the reason.

So i am listening to everything everyone has said and takng it on board. If anyone knows of any good resources or websites with tips for helping to reduce debt quickly please could you share with me? i really am taking this seriously but we probably are guilty as with lots of other people of buying on credit rather than saving as someone said above. The problem is we cant save while we have debt so we would never get anything... Stuff like a new fridge when ours broke or emergency plumbing needing doing. we need a plan as obviously what we are doing is not working.

We sold that house and bought a new one in a different area.he is very keen to pay off the debt but this thread has opened my eyes to the fact that we dont really know how to do that.

moneysavingexpert forums debt board

moneysavingexpert forums debt board

moneysavingexpert forums debt board

If your idea of a spending spree is going to Primark and your DH doesn't really buy anything it doesn't sounds like there is much 'fat' to trim though OP. Your salaries are going on DSC, mortgage, bills and debt repayment, right? So I'd say your best bet is to either find better paid jobs or take on additional work in the evenings/weekends.

Other than that its about getting rid of things like gym memberships and SKY TV and making sure you're getting the best deal you can from your bank, power companies, phone providers, etc.

A site like this: www.moneysupermarket.com/ can help you see how your providers compare to others cost-wise.

Would you be able to continue to pay your bills/ debt and live whilst on maternity leave? If so, go for it. I would never out of ttc.