to ask if its a really bad idea to TTC when we are in debt?

[neonrainbow]

DH and I have agreed to start TTC later this year. We are have our own house (with a mortgage) and are both in full time (hopefully secure) reasonably paid jobs. We also have about £15-£18k debt. (Some is from the wedding and a consolidation loan but the bulk is from where DH struggled when on his own with paying mortgage and bills and therefore racked up credit card debt and debt to family to avoid losing his house) We have already moved as much as we can to interest free and low interest arrangements.

We are keeping up with minimum payments on the debts with no problem, and paying off as much as we can but still its going down extremely slowly. Would it be a really bad idea to TTC this year with this hanging over us? If we did have a baby I think I would want at least 9 months off on maternity leave if not a year and then go part time, and I think we would struggle.

DH thinks we would find a way to manage. Im 31 and had always had this sort of age in my head as a good age to start having children and DH would have one yesterday if he could. I would be happy to get most baby stuff second hand so its the drop in wages and potential childcare costs Id be most worried about. I think it would take 2-3 years at least to completely clear the debt and not sure whether we should wait that long.

Is DH right? Do people just find a way to cope? Or would we be really foolish to take the risk?

I'm afraid you'll only know with hindsight what was the right decision. Most advice you'll receive will be from a hindsight perspective (ie. "i struggled to conceive: you should just do it", "I struggled to support my children, you should wait"). You're weighing almost incalculable risks which inevitably won't become apparent until after the event.

Perhaps you already know what you want to do, and you just need some justification in your arsenal for when people start criticising your choice...? Which way are you leaning? I'm sure we can give you lots of ammunition for whichever fight you're facing!

I would start OP. We had our DS while heavily in debt and have managed to get out of it on a lot less salary than you have. So now we have 2 yr old DS and no more debt! I would have regretted delaying it.. Yes it's sometimes been a struggle but you just cope. It's helped having generous inlaws and parents buying clothes and equipment though.

Old lady fish you've hit the nail on the head. How do i know what the right thing was until I've done it? I think we should wait for another 6 months to a year and reassess then but dh is desparate for kids. Im less so because i don't think we are in the right position financially but also don't want to put it off for too much longer in case we have problems ttc.

I definitely wouldn't. I would however go all out to pay off the debt as quickly as possible, it's a great motivation to save every penny possible. I get weekend work, stop buying anything and live off beans. ...

I do agree it's hard to know beforehand but it's a desperate experience to have dc and be struggling with everything - why is your dh so desperate? Is he taking action to try and boost his earnings or just saying it'll all work out? your dh got into a massive pile of debt so why would you let him decide this? I do understand babies are an emotive thing but you've got to be able to offer them stability.

How many DSC are there?

How much does your DH earn OP and how many DSC do you have? £10k maintenance per annum seems quite high if your joint income is £50 (gross? net?) assuming his income is, say £30k of that £50k. While it's admirable your DH is paying so much to support his existing children I'm not sure it's realistic to assume you can afford another child on top of that at that level of maintenance.

You really need to do some hard sums looking at this factor as well as your debt repayments with another child on top with your current income levels, never mind how you would manage with reduced income from going part time etc.

Also, although you might have problems ttc, financially you should assume that you'll get pregnant the first month of trying.

Can you do a year of living frugally (as you plan to post baby) and see how much of a dent that makes in the debt? After all, the smaller the debt is, either the smaller the repayments will be in the future or the shorter time they'll last for, both of which you'll enjoy when you're forced to live frugally in the future under maternity leave.

It took me a year and two years respectively to conceive, so I'm not immune to the fact that babies don't just happen, but at 31 you still have time on your side and it will be much easier paying off debt this side of a baby.

Thanks everyone. Theres only one dsc but they live a considerable distance away so we pay a bit over csa minimum but theres a lot of travel costs involved as well as medical appointments to go to monthly and we have dsc a lot in the holidays and pay for extras and things they need. Im the big spender in our relationship to be fair to dh. (And that involves me having a shopping spree in primark occasionally) He barely spends anything and we are definitely both on board with paying it as quick as possible. He just thinks that we would find a way to cope.

I say hes desparate, hes older than me and he absolutely loves being a father and wants to do it again as soon as possible. He never ever puts pressure on to do it right now, im just aware that in his mind, the sooner the better.

I think ill have to work out as suggested above, what we would earn while i was on reduced earnings and how affordable it was. Thanks for your insight everyone i think me and dh have some sums and talking to do.

Personally I'd try to clear debts down now doing whatever you can - if you'd cope by living frugally then start doing so now. Why not give it a year and really see what you can pay off? Babies are amazing but the sleep deprivation is stressful so you should reduce other causes of stress so when you do have a kid you can enjoy it.
Certain spending reductions happen naturally when babies arrive. Since having kids I've found it very easy to cut out the luxuries I used to spend on myself (2 babies in quick succession - what's the point of buying clothes when I change shape every month?! And I genuinely cant rember what wine tastes like). But there can be hidden costs - I used to be out all day at work and now I'm in all day and washing every day my household bills have gone through the roof.
You're doing the right thing by planning ahead though. Good luck 😄

Hmm . . . "DH thinks we would find a way to manage."

Just remind yourself that the last time your DH was struggling he "managed" by rack[ing] up credit card debt and debt to family to avoid losing his house

I think that's what he means by finding a way to manage - "don't worry, if we start to struggle we'll stick it all on a credit card and borrow from family again."

Sorry that sounds really harsh - but if you were saying that when your DH struggled before he did three jobs and lived on beans on toast for a year to pay the bills I'd be a lot more impressed at his airy certainty that you'll be able to manage.

I would have a good look at your finances - looking at outgoings based on what you'd be getting on maternity leave rather than what you & DH currently earn between you.

See how tight finances are based on that. And remember to factor in baby costs to the outgoings. Lots of baby stuff can be bought cheaply second hand, but it still costs money. And there's still things like nappies, baby wipes, possibly formula, extra utility costs because you're at home more so using central heating more / washing baby stuff often etc.

When you're thinking of finances on your return to work after maternity leave, remember to factor in childcare. That's not cheap.

Once you've done all that you'd have a better idea about how affordable a baby would be now. And regardless of what you decide, it's probably a good idea to start cutting out all the hobbies and things that cost money now, so that you can clear as much debt as possible before you conceive.

I wouldn't but would concentrate on clearing the debts first. Can you get 2nd jobs and plough the money in? What would scare me is the risk of losing the house.

I would be very careful with this. Me and DH were in a very similar situation 3 years ago and decided that we would 'just cope'. It's very easy to say 'we will cut down' but unfortunately, when your disposable income is not high in the first place due to debt repayments it does not leave a lot of wriggle room. I managed a 10 month maternity leave but our debt increased significantly in this time as we were borrowing just to get through and fill gaps. I had to go back to work full time, which was not how we had planned things to go. Now we find ourselves in the position where we feel unable to try for a second child yet as a second maternity leave is not an option if we want to keep on top of debt. Ultimately it is dd who is paying the price as now is the time for her to have a sibling. It makes me very sad and frustrated. Yes, think short term and I agree, life can sometimes just be about the here and now, but also be clear on your long term plans. Just to put into context, at the time of my first maternity leave my dh and I had a joint income of £55-60k and debts between £15-18000, mostly credit cards and car finance. By the time I returned to work our debt was pushing £30000 due to the addition of a loan.

He did live on beans and toast and was working 3 hours overtime every day (we used to work at the same place before we got together so i know this to be true) but it still wasn't enough hence the credit cards and loans. When i met him he was on the verge of losing hishouse. He really is a good man who was in unfortunate circumstances and was trying to survive. From the outside i know what it looks like especially on mn. but youre right I'm going to ask him what his plans are to find a way to cope. Im not willing to accrue even more debt on living costs.

If having a baby is really important to you, I'd get my fertility checked.

My DD had hers done at 27 and recently at nearly 31 and has been shocked at the drop. They don't want children for at least two years, because of work, but have accepted that it may never happen, because they don't want money/mortgage stress because of ML.

My Mum got pregnant at 40, I was miscarrying over 37, so gave up trying, happy with my three.

I agree with doing your sums etc, but not everyone can get pregnant/carry a child to term in their late 30's/40's.

I think you should pay off the debt first, how would you make repayments if you're on mat leave and your DH gets made redundant? Not worth the risk imo.

Personally I'd wait a year, and cut out everything you can to pay back as much as you can. Cut out meals out, coffees, Netflix, Sky, gym, holidays, cut right back on gifts for each other and live as thrifty as you can. With your joint income you should be able to put quite a bit away into the debt. DH and I were on less and we did the above to save a deposit for a house and associated fees, think we managed £14k in about a year, but our rent was probably lower as not in SE.

Even if you get the bulk of the debt paid before you start ttc, it will be a big weight off your shoulders and give you more options on maternity leave and return to work.

Write full budgets for now and post-baby and see exactly how much give there is.

Ultimately, though, I think you have to go for it, as long as you think you can manage for the first three years. If you wait until you're mid 30s and then find you have fertility issues, the regret will be horrible.

Write full budgets for now and post-baby and see exactly how much give there is.

Ultimately, though, I think you have to go for it, as long as you think you can manage for the first three years. If you wait until you're mid 30s and then find you have fertility issues, the regret will be horrible.

I was going to mention redundancy. Could you cope if one of you was made redundant? This has happened to so many people I know in the last few years including people in so called jobs for life. Also surviving financially on maternity leave is a shock. Ideally you would have savings behind you as a buffer.

I would throw all your money at the debt in the next year and really cut your cloth. As you say perhaps reassess in six months when you can see how you are doing.

Write full budgets for now and post-baby and see exactly how much give there is.

Ultimately, though, I think you have to go for it, as long as you think you can manage for the first three years. If you wait until you're mid 30s and then find you have fertility issues, the regret will be horrible.

Write full budgets for now and post-baby and see exactly how much give there is.

Ultimately, though, I think you have to go for it, as long as you think you can manage for the first three years. If you wait until you're mid 30s and then find you have fertility issues, the regret will be horrible.

Your biggest concern is your dh and whether you can trust him financially - not to rack up more debt.

I am older than you, I'm nearly 50. I have seen one marriage crumble and one teeter on the verge over credit card debt. If he's the kind of person that did this once, it's likely it will happen again because it shows very poor financial nous.

Otherwise, I'd say wait a year. Clear some more debts, get your ducks in a row. You're still very young.

And remember you don't have to take a year off after a baby - that's a relatively new thing. I took 4 months, 6 months and 3 months respectively for our daughters and it was fine.