to be angry with babysitter on phone but worried about confronting her?

[Maybemable]

We have a bbsitter who helps out a lot and we really rely on her as we new to area although I get annoyed by the number of phone calls she gets from her family. Booked her to hold fort for DD (11) and DS (9.5) late afternoon while I did 3 X parents evenings. DS (5) tearful about being left so he came with me. I wasn't feeling well so forgot to mention DS had football at 6 but thought I'd probably be back well before. PE overran. I came back at 5.45 and babysitter was shut in living room on loud and v emotional phone call to granddaughter who is in care. I know whole story and that speaking to GD very tricky for babysitter and hardly ever happens. Trouble is that my DS who is a tiny 9 yo was in the hall about to leave the house to go to football (at nearby inner London school) on his own at dusk without having had tea and without anyone being aware he was going. (We've him off and highlighted dangers). Meanwhile DD had raided cupboards for sweets and is unsupervised on the laptop (also not allowed). Neither child knows how long babysitter has been on phone. Babysitter finishes call - bursts into kitchen says she didn't hear me come in but asks me to guess who she's been speaking to?! No idea that I am furious that she has not been taking care of my kids. Have to feed DS in no time and get him to football and feeling ill so don't confront her. Plus feel it's really tricky because the GD is in care and they never speak. But I was paying her to look after my kids and she wasn't checking they were safe. I haven't tackled the phone calls before now - my bad - but she knows from my body language that I'm not happy with it and gets off the phone when I come in the room. Have left it so long don't know how to tackle it but will have to if she's going to ever babysit again.

I agree with maydancer. A babysitter is someone who does it for a bit of pocketmoney. She's hardly an employee unless you have given her acontract of employent, are paying employers NI, minimum wage, holiday entitlement etc

exactly new, the level of care some people on this thread expect from a babysitter is astounding!

If you want that, hire a childcare professional!

I agree with maydancer. A babysitter is someone who does it for a bit of pocketmoney. She's hardly an employee unless you have given her acontract of employent, are paying employers NI, minimum wage, holiday entitlement etc

everyone you pay is an employee

if she is self-employed then she is responsible for all the above

Mm, I have pretty low set-in-stone requirements of a babysitter (keep them alive, try get them to bed), but I definitely require them to be aware at all times of what the children are doing (see: keep them alive). She could have taken the call without closing herself away from them.

A babysitter is paid to baby sit. That means look after the children.

It doesnt matter if you pay her tax or have a contract. There are lots of people you have in your home to do jobs that you pay and don't employ. Would you expect such slackness from a plumber or electrician? Starting to see the pp's point about women's work tbh

Think it depends on what you're paying her op. If you're paying the going rate for a nanny per hour then it's fair enough to expect more. If you're paying pocket money baby sitter rates then I don't think it's fair to expect her to provide full childcare.

op again,how old is the babysitter?

thecatfromjapan< The reason why we deal crap with "womens work" is because we often pay crap for womens work! I'm sure if she paid for a professional nanny at £8-£10 per hour rather than £5 you will get a more professional attitude. This sounds like a kindly gran type neighbour. Its the equivalent of instead of going to the AA to get your car fixed you rely on a retired mechanic neighbour with mates rates. He gets the car fixed but it takes longer etc.. Anyway OP if the children like her and you trust her and she proivdes a ad hoc service to cover rather than a regular arrangement , that is not so easy to find. But I would set out what you need doing very clearly, I would write it down! What you expect , child being read to,log time if children leave house on there own, dinner being made etc.. I would let the phone call slip with the GD . However I would state I really need someone to keep an eye on the children, so would prefer you get phone calls to minimun if looking after the children during the day obviously fine if they are asleep. etc..I would pay slightly more from a babysitter during the day rather than evening anyway as it is a completly different job. One where you are meant to do childcare, cooking, talking, supervising homework, the other where you will sit around while they are in bed (hopefully asleep)!

So because it's s babysitter and not nanny the care she receives should be worst than basic? If her ds left without her knowing, should she say "wtf she's only a babysitter"?

OP didn't even talk about bedtime, stories and all that she talked about basic safety, the person in charge to know what the children are doing!

It's not so much whether she's described as a nanny or a babysitter, it's which she's being paid in line with.

I pay £10/hr. I didn't expect her to make tea - I hadn't asked her too - but I expected her to keep an eye and stop any fights/DS leaving the house alone. What annoyed me was that she might as well not have been there for all the difference it made and I had to pay anyway. Lesson learnt. Thanks for all your help and advice!

Babysitter is in fifties/60s.

I'd not know that a 9 and 11 year old needed feeding before 6 unless you told me you expected them to be fed (and what they were having).

Yes for £10 per hour you should expect someone who acts in a more professional manner. Next time with your new babysitter I would set out exactly what you want and expect and write it down as a list. So you are giving them structure and doing things exactly how you want them. It sounds to me you got into a too matey situation with her, and this lady was looking after your chidren in the same way as she looked after her own- loving but lazez-faire! Maybe she got the impression that you were laidback and she doesn't have a huge amount of common sense herself. Some people don't that is why it is good to state clearly what you want and expect.

If she's in her 50s and paid £10ph you nbu.

Sitters.co.uk

All childcarers are registered and trained, with full DBS and experience. Would cost you less as well probably

No point in confronting her, just look for someone else who can devote the time she is being paid for to your children.

"I'd not know that a 9 and 11 year old needed feeding before 6 unless you told me you expected them to be fed (and what they were having)."

Or, y'know, if you're the babysitter and you know you're going to be there around dinner-time.... You could always take the initiative yourself and ask the parent what's to be done about dinner before they go.

I am totally confused about when you expected your children to eat? You say you got home later than expected but ds's football club was about to start? Or am I misunderstanding?

When my dd was 11 I was quite happy to leave her and 9 year old ds alone in the house for a few hours during the day.