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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be angry with babysitter on phone but worried about confronting her?

94 replies

Maybemable · 26/02/2016 08:12

We have a bbsitter who helps out a lot and we really rely on her as we new to area although I get annoyed by the number of phone calls she gets from her family. Booked her to hold fort for DD (11) and DS (9.5) late afternoon while I did 3 X parents evenings. DS (5) tearful about being left so he came with me. I wasn't feeling well so forgot to mention DS had football at 6 but thought I'd probably be back well before. PE overran. I came back at 5.45 and babysitter was shut in living room on loud and v emotional phone call to granddaughter who is in care. I know whole story and that speaking to GD very tricky for babysitter and hardly ever happens. Trouble is that my DS who is a tiny 9 yo was in the hall about to leave the house to go to football (at nearby inner London school) on his own at dusk without having had tea and without anyone being aware he was going. (We've him off and highlighted dangers). Meanwhile DD had raided cupboards for sweets and is unsupervised on the laptop (also not allowed). Neither child knows how long babysitter has been on phone. Babysitter finishes call - bursts into kitchen says she didn't hear me come in but asks me to guess who she's been speaking to?! No idea that I am furious that she has not been taking care of my kids. Have to feed DS in no time and get him to football and feeling ill so don't confront her. Plus feel it's really tricky because the GD is in care and they never speak. But I was paying her to look after my kids and she wasn't checking they were safe. I haven't tackled the phone calls before now - my bad - but she knows from my body language that I'm not happy with it and gets off the phone when I come in the room. Have left it so long don't know how to tackle it but will have to if she's going to ever babysit again.

OP posts:
CatsCantTwerk · 26/02/2016 09:29

Did you ask her to cook tea?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 26/02/2016 09:29

Babysitters are not employees! They can take calls if they need to. If the OP wants to dictate what she can and cannot do, she needs to hire a nanny or au pair.

If the Children were under 5 fist enough, but they aren't! They should be perfectly capable of amusing themselves and slot using the laptop if they know they aren't allowed to! Same with snacks, if they know they aren't allowed, they shouldn't do it and the OP should be cross with the kids for blatantly ignoring her rules, it's not the babysitters job to enforce them to kids old enough to understand them and know better

HeteronormativeHaybales · 26/02/2016 09:33

I think the thing is the OP is paying the babysitter to be in loco parentis while she is out and she might as well not have been there on that particular afternoon. Berating the children for not organising themselves, when they wre left with an adult so they wouldn't have to, is a bit Hmm.
It doesn't sound like the phone call was a one-off, either.

OP, don't use her again.

shamonts · 26/02/2016 09:33

of course babysitters are employees, what are you on? Do you even have children?

hold on...are you the babysitter in question Shock

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 26/02/2016 09:34

The kids are more than old enough to know that mum doesn't want them on the laptop or helping themselves to snacks. It's them she needs to be cross with.

BYOSnowman · 26/02/2016 09:34

The babysitter was being paid to look after the kids - not ignore them and do her own stuff.

The reason for the call is what is making you feel bad but it sounds like the other times the calls haven't been with the gd so not necessary.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 26/02/2016 09:36

They aren't employees, it's ad hoc care!

If you want the level of supervision the OP seems to want, you need fal childcare in the fo of a nanny, au pair or CM.

shamonts · 26/02/2016 09:36

I wouldn't give a toss if the call was to or from the gd.

Your house, your rules.

Honestly women can be so wet about this kind of thing. Just sack her!

BoffinMum · 26/02/2016 09:36

Flame me for this if you like, but the fact that her GD is in care kind of suggests she comes from a family where developing sophisticated parenting skills may not be the highest of priorities. I am not sure I would want her babysitting for my kids once I had seen poor parenting skills played out under my own roof on top of this.

LyndaNotLinda · 26/02/2016 09:37

What an utterly bizarre attitude whatthefreakin. It's irrelevant how old the children are or if the babysitter is an employee or not. The OP is paying the babysitter to do a job and she isn't doing it.

shamonts · 26/02/2016 09:38

Anyone who is paid is an employee. You don't need a regular contract.

here

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 26/02/2016 09:38

Would you really expect her to sit and play with kids of this age?!Confused

Taking an important call is not ignoring them, and they aren't babies for goodness sake so should be ok on their own for 10 minutes! The op has bigger problems than this if they aren't!

BYOSnowman · 26/02/2016 09:39

So if you hire an ad hoc plumber to fix a leak you would be happy for him to take a long phone call, ignore the leak and bigger off before fixing it properly?

Babysitter is no different to any other person you employ to do a job in your home

shamonts · 26/02/2016 09:39

If you want the level of supervision the OP seems to want

LOL!

yes of course its perfectly fine to pay someone to do fuck all and ignore your kids Hmm

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 26/02/2016 09:40

I think people are unnecessarily harsh. It's exceptional circumstances. The OP already said she relies on her, implying that she babysits a lot. She must be doing something right for her to keep using her, so to stop using her on the basis of this incident seems very unfair.

shamonts · 26/02/2016 09:41

Would you really expect her to sit and play with kids of this age?!

yes! My daughter is 16 and babysits and she would. And she wouldn't take a long personal phone call either, she even - shock horror - turns her phone to silent if they are watching a dvd together. It's called manners and taking responsibility for what you are paid to do.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 26/02/2016 09:42

When my DD is babysat, she is most likely to be playing in her bedroom.

I do not expect the babysitter to sit and watch her play! It's fine for them to be downstairs, where DD knows she is of she needs her. She is 9, she is perfectly ok to be unsupervised as long as someone is in the house.

IoraRua · 26/02/2016 09:43

If you wanted the nine year old fed and ready for football, perhaps you should have mentioned that. She is not a mind reader.

As for the sweets and laptop - your kids are certainly old enough to know they were breaking the rules.

SaucyJack · 26/02/2016 09:43

Come on OP, woman up and get rid.

I know it's easier said by some random on t'internet than done, and I'm sure you'd rather take the terribly British approach of apologising for your existence and then putting the kettle on, but you can't ignore this one and hope it'll go away.

shamonts · 26/02/2016 09:45

My 9 year old loves our babysitter and wants to spend all evening with her chatting her ears off. Poor girl she should get paid double.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 26/02/2016 09:46

I had the same thought Boffin.

But, op, you haven't really clarified if this was a one-off or if she always leaves your children to their own devices when she is there?

Original poster
Maybemable · 26/02/2016 09:47

Thanks all for your comments and advice. Yes there were confused expectations for DCs and bbsitter - I wasn't feeling well. DS knows in principle he is not allowed out alone but he's just started football and is mad for it and can't always be relied on to think first before acting. Yes, the circs of bbsitter speaking to gD were exceptional and believe me I have supported bbsitter throughout it all. But she could have stuck her head out of the door and called to kids that she had an important call or spoken on phone with door open so she could see/hear what was going on. She couldn't have taken that call if driving for example - she was working and I would have been less bothered about it if she'd kept door open. And if she wasn't generally on the phone so much. I don't take personal calls at work unless it's an emergency. Bottom line is that I need more choices!

OP posts:
BoffinMum · 26/02/2016 09:48

DS1 (18) babysits for other families and I can't imagine him doing something like this. In fact he gets a lot of repeat business because he takes it seriously and reads to the kids and sorts them out and so on (he is used to doing that for his little brother). He calls it his 'job' as opposed to his friends' jobs where they stack shelves or do bar work or whatever.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 26/02/2016 09:48

Agree whatthefreak I think OP had a bad day, was feeling ill, stressed about parent's evening and then came home to find babysitter talking loudly on phone and it felt like the last straw.
I also don't think 'sophisticated parenting skills' are necessary for a casual sitter of older children.boffin

Why not write out some clear instructions for sitter, give kids rules to adhere to and go from there?

BoffinMum · 26/02/2016 09:48

I would have kept the door open and an eye on things and prepared tea one-handed etc

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