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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel like a single parent?

88 replies

EustaceTheDragon · 25/02/2016 19:42

I'm being a hyperbolic here, to a point - obviously I don't have the crushing pressure that real lone parents have. My mother raised me on her own, so I have some idea of what it's really like.

However, DH recently changed jobs and is working much longer hours than before. We escaped to the North to be rid of London working hours, and it's just the same, only without our friends and comfortable surroundings.

He leaves for work about 7.30am, and here it is.. over 12 hours later, and he's not home. I'm getting fed up.

AIBU?

OP posts:

cannotlogin · 25/02/2016 23:01

Unless you have been a single parent you can have no real idea of what it feels like.

Inshock73 · 25/02/2016 23:39

I think people are being a little hard on you OP for using the single parent reference, you did acknowledge in your post you're not an actual single parent. I do understand how you feel, I have a 10 month old and my DP leaves for work at 5am and currently gets home between 8-9pm, he's working weekends too. I'm job hunting so my days are spent at home with my time divided between looking after my baby, the household chores and completing job apps. Baby is in bed when he leaves for work and in bed when he gets home. I miss DP doing the night time bath routine and I miss him coz he comes home from work, showers, eats and goes to bed. It is hard and it is lonely.

browneyedgirl1974 · 26/02/2016 00:04

Yanbu op. This must be tough for you. My dh used to work similar hours and literally was too tired to help at all. Now he is home earlier but is still too tired to help. His health has also deteriorated. Weekends aren't much better.
We also have very little support. (No grandparents to help)
Whereas a friend of mine is a single parent and I know it is tough but her mum does all the before and after school care and has dc overnight once per week and has them regularly for weekends and also for a weeks holiday.
So I guess I am trying to say the single parent thing is a red herring. Eveyone has a different reality.

lorelei9 · 26/02/2016 00:17

have you had some visits from friends?

is it too drastic to move back? I'm a bit surprised by the reference to "london working hours". I work in London and I know it's nuts but sadly long hours culture is everywhere, it's not specific to any place.

hope you feel brighter soon.

queenofthepirates · 26/02/2016 00:26

I'm a single mum and I completely give you my blessing to feel like one with five kids at home. You should very lovely. Maybe you could tell us where you are in case there's some other mums you could get together with?

Littlemissamy · 26/02/2016 08:31

Starry your little paragraph there perfectly sums up single parenthood. I've been trying to articulate exactly what you just said to the people who say "It can't be that hard being by yourself", since my husband left us in September. Thanks :)

Original poster

EustaceTheDragon · 26/02/2016 11:13

I appreciate that I touched a nerve and was probably too flippant in my choice of words. I apologise for that.

We are living in south Lancs, and will be moving to Liverpool soon (I hope). It's about 3.5 hours away from where we used to live, so too far for any casual visits from friends. I'm hoping that will change during the summer holidays!

I appreciate the words of encouragement and wish the best for everyone struggling with actual single parenthood.

OP posts:

Original poster

EustaceTheDragon · 26/02/2016 11:14

The "London working hours" reference includes travel time, which is upwards of 12-14 hours a day DH was out of the house. Misery.

OP posts:

lorelei9 · 26/02/2016 11:37

Eustace, my friends out of town are often commuting the same time as they were before, 60-90 mins each way. The main benefit fir them in moving was house prices and a quieter location.

I hope things improve for you.

Original poster

EustaceTheDragon · 26/02/2016 11:38

Perhaps my expectations were too high!

OP posts:

IHaveBrilloHair · 26/02/2016 14:20

Sorry I snapped at you Eustace, was having a bad day but of course shouldn't have taken it out on you.
I hope things improve for you soon

Original poster

EustaceTheDragon · 26/02/2016 14:24

Thank you Brillo. I appreciate it.

OP posts:

Pollyputhtekettleon · 27/02/2016 00:06

I don't think the OP started this thread as a competition on who has the worst situation.....

YANBU. Raising kids is hard and would be a lot nicer and easier if you had your DP there to help. My DH works long hours, 7 days a week but thankfully some of it is from home so he can come help for 10 mins when the shit hits the fan but I do a huge amount of the parenting alone.

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