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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel like a single parent?

88 replies

EustaceTheDragon · 25/02/2016 19:42

I'm being a hyperbolic here, to a point - obviously I don't have the crushing pressure that real lone parents have. My mother raised me on her own, so I have some idea of what it's really like.

However, DH recently changed jobs and is working much longer hours than before. We escaped to the North to be rid of London working hours, and it's just the same, only without our friends and comfortable surroundings.

He leaves for work about 7.30am, and here it is.. over 12 hours later, and he's not home. I'm getting fed up.

AIBU?

OP posts:

LineyReborn · 25/02/2016 21:15

As the solution to your problems is to talk to your husband about how to resolve them, you're not like a lone parent, no.

CaptainCrunch · 25/02/2016 21:18

A version of this thread seems to turn up every couple of weeks. YANBU to feel fed up at your dh working long hours but you're crucially not a single parent and these threads just seem to piss off true single parents big style. Probably best get it deleted, it won't go well.

CultureSucksDownWords · 25/02/2016 21:19

So no one is allowed to be unhappy with their circumstances and a bit fed up apart from lone parents?

OP, I would stop using this thread and start a different one not referring to lone parents, and then you might be able to discuss how you feel without being stamped on.

SalemSaberhagen · 25/02/2016 21:20

I saw the thread title and winced. I knew the OP would get a flaming for that.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 25/02/2016 21:21

Fucking hell. The op said she understands she doesn't have the real problems single parents have. She's just feeling a bit shit. Instead of comparing and pointing out how much worse us single parents have it, how about you show a bit of sympathy for a parent going through a shitty time.

Fucks sake.

LineyReborn · 25/02/2016 21:21

To me it just isn't really logical for someone to say that they feel like a single parent because their husband is pissing them off.

It would be better to post about the husband / work issues in Relationships, I think.

It does sound tough.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 25/02/2016 21:23

^ this

I sometimes really dislike the 'pile in' mentality on MN.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 25/02/2016 21:23

She never said anything about being pissed at her husband. She said she was fed up as she was still on her own. She's lonely and everyone jumps on her and tries to make her feel worse. Nice.

alicemalice · 25/02/2016 21:25

But maybe you do feel like that if you're alone a lot of the time and shoulder all the work of parenting.

It's possible to feel very alone in a marriage. I was married at one stage. and didn't get much emotional support.

Yes it's not the same because of the financial aspects but I can imagine it's not pleasant either.

LineyReborn · 25/02/2016 21:27

Well she doesn't sound thrilled.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 25/02/2016 21:29

Yes because she's alone for a large proportion of the day. She came to vent and get a bit of support and people kicked her when she was down. Downright nasty attitudes.

TickledOnion · 25/02/2016 21:29

OP - I sympathise. I am a lone parent. But I get 1 or 2 nights off a week when the DCs go to their dad and I have family support nearby. I have a friend in a very similar situation as you and I'd rather have my life than hers.

RudeElf · 25/02/2016 21:31

So no one is allowed to be unhappy with their circumstances and a bit fed up apart from lone parents?

Who said that?

Franny1977 · 25/02/2016 21:32

Having read some of the posts criticising you for comparing yourself to a LP I thought they were over reacting. However by the time I got to Tupperware's post I actually do think YABU but empathise that what you're going through is tough for you.

ivykaty44 · 25/02/2016 21:33

Op you have a problem with the working hours your dp is currently working, it would appear there is then a problem between you two.

I would suggest sorting the problem with him and finding out why he is working long hours if this was not the agreement.

RudeElf · 25/02/2016 21:35

You know what, its absolutely fine to come here and say "i'm fucked off with this sutuation, i never see DH, the kids never see him, i'm struggling, i'm lonely, we moved to get away from this and its still happening, i hate it" Its still a valid problem!

CultureSucksDownWords · 25/02/2016 21:37

My point was that is how it seems! The OP is clearly unhappy. Why is posting about how she shouldn't be comparing it to being a lone parent helpful? Especially when she acknowledged it wasn't a real comparison in her OP? But people just want to give her a good kick when she's feeling down, because she didn't word her OP how you'd like.

FetchezLaVache · 25/02/2016 21:42

She said "obviously I don't have the crushing pressure that real lone parents have" - she gets it, leave her alone! I'm now a single parent and it's actually easier in many ways than living with an unhelpful husband- mine because he was an arse, hers because he's never there. I find that now I am less resentful of having to do everything myself than when I was married and had to do everything myself- because I was supposed to be part of a team then, and I suppose that's part of it for OP.

However, OP, YABU to suggest that the North is uncomfortable!

RudeElf · 25/02/2016 21:43

I actually dont see anywhere where she has had a kicking. People have said she is UR (a mistake to post in AIBU when you are looking for emotional support and to make that comparison in AIBU) and said why. No kicking.

LineyReborn · 25/02/2016 21:44

I've offered sympathy, courtesy and advice. Hardly a 'downright nasty' 'kicking'. But hey ho. That's the joy of AIBU.

RudeElf · 25/02/2016 21:44

She said "obviously I don't have the crushing pressure that real lone parents have" - she gets it,

So foolish to even make the comparison when she knew it wasnt the same.

Lurkedforever1 · 25/02/2016 21:47

culture because it's actually incredibly dismissive of the problems a true lp faces to compare yourself to one because your partner isn't around much. As rude says ops problem is perfectly valid without that. So no need to make silly comparisons to illustrate it.

CultureSucksDownWords · 25/02/2016 21:47

Really hope the OP has posted again elsewhere.

Xmasbaby11 · 25/02/2016 21:49

It sounds tough OP. Not the same as being a single parent, but those are long days without your DH. Mine occasionally works til 9 so I have to put them to bed on my own, and it's hard going! Like others have said, he comes home after a 12 hour shift and is knackered, he doesn't chat and do housework, he falls asleep in front of the TV. It's not fun for anyone! I would be unhappy if he worked those hours every say. Obviously there are many people worse off, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to complain.

Original poster

EustaceTheDragon · 25/02/2016 21:49

I suppose I should have said I'm simply lonely and feel completely adrift right now. I've left my friends and community behind and live amongst strangers in an area I'm wholly unfamiliar with. We uprooted our entire lives for this job change, thinking it would be better than going for another London base job. The working hours are the same or longer, with the added bonus of not having any other emotional support to rely on.

We have five DC and they don't have a school place yet, so I have no headspace all day, every day. Dh and I speak in snatched conversations before I collapse in the evening.

Obviously my situation isn't like being completely on my own, and I shouldn't really compare (useless to do so), but I'm pretty fed up of it all.

OP posts:

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