talking about diets at work - AIBU?

[nevereverever83]

Long time lurker here... bit of a weird one to start posting with!!

On fb last night a girl i used to work with for a bit a few years ago posted a blog she wrote about her eating disorder basically saying that everyone talking about their diets at work (at lots of jobs, not just with me) made her bulemic, or made her bulemia/anorexia worse. I have noticed this does seem to happen a lot at work (talking about diets and weight loss i mean) especially where there are lots of women like in admin or receptionists and things like that and it makes me sad to think that she or other girls might be making themselves worse because they don't like hearing about others people's diets, but i'm sort of on the fence about it. I'm quite overweight (about a size 14-16) and it's not like i'm greedy or anything but i've just gradually put on a few pounds every year since getting married and never really lost them. I've been on WW and SW and a few other diets and since some of the other girls at work are also trying to loose weight we do talk about it sometimes, and i actually find it really supportive and helpful to know that we can compare notes and recipes and diets and things like that, and it helps me. So my x colleagues suggestion (which i know whasn't just aimed at me) that basically we're making her bulemic kind of annoyes me... but i also do feel sorry for her. So really i'm wondering if IABU or if she is BU or maybe neither or both? What are yout thoughts on diet chat and body size/weight talk at work?

Even if I was trying to lose weight, I wouldn't want colleagues quizzing me on how many pounds I'd lost/gained that week, or commenting on what I was eating. It might be interesting to talk about food in a general way for a few minutes but that's all.

Cake is better than politics? Utterly boring to be talking almost exclusively about dieting. Ok to give it the odd mention but that's it. People on diets are always on diets, they never work, be better off discussing what type of exercise they intend doing....

Doesn't help bonding if your slim without any need to diet, in fact then you can become a target of dislike. I worked with a woman who built a wall out of files so that she couldn't see me eating .

If talking about diets is so boring....

How boring is talking about talking about diets

But yes, diet bores are miserable as syn

I didn't say cake was better to talk about than politics, but you can't talk about politics, it ends up in a row.

NeverEver it's so sad that you think this is the thing "girls" can bond over. So many women fought for political involvement and equality at work, then when they get some way towards them they want to sit around and talk about weight and appearance. Women, if they are to be judged, should not be judged by their waistlines.

I don't have an ED but I do find diet talk excluding. I can cycle 10 miles in 40 minutes. To me food is a positive thing. Calories are fuel, not the enemy. And so it fucking pisses me off that colleagues feel they can comment on my weight and diet. JFDO.

Talk about books, or TV. Form a lunchtime walking club. Remind people about Eddie Izzard's giraffe impression. Ask who you want to see on Strictly. Talk about CERN. Fuck it, anything, just don't tell me my flapjack's a sin.

nevereverever83 People need to "get over" eating disorders? Wow. Just wow.

I wish women would care less about how much they weighed. All it's resulted in is women getting fatter and unhappier and the diet companies getting richer.

Gabilan 10 miles in 40 mins, bloody hell! My brief experience of bike-riding as an adult consisted of a lot of falling off, breaking the chain, giving up and sticking the bastard thing on freecycle vair impressed.
OP, your post is incredibly depressing. What a patronising attitude. Ahhh, the little girls are having a little talk at their little jobby wobby! Fair enough if you don't want to get in-depth about whether or not to leave the EU, but surely, surely, in this day and age, intelligent women can find better things to talk about than their frigging weight and what they're eating and how 'naughty' they're being and blahhh blahhh.
If we could ban the whole diet industry and somehow magically overhaul society's crappy approach to health, image, etc, women would be an unstoppable force. It's such a bloody shame.

Having mulled this over and done the work of some half-arsed journalist I've come to the conclusion that many of the conversations I've heard at various work places indicate an unhealthy relationship with food and our bodies. I'm not talking about EDs - I'm talking about a low-level dislike of our bodies and a sense that food is the enemy, whilst also being a comforter. This sentence from the OP gives some indication of the problem "I like to talk about my dieting (i don't find it boring at all!) but i also like to bring in cakes for people's birthdays". So often I've heard people talk about how they want to loose weight and how they hate their stomach/ thighs/ arms, whilst munching cake. The cake brings comfort but it doesn't help with weight or health. The two things, dieting and cake, are in direct conflict.

I like my body. Heck, no, I love it. It's amazing and wonderful. It's strong and enables me to do so much. And yet having a positive attitude to my body seems to exclude me from large parts of female conversation, including conversation with very intelligent, educated women. Talk about diet is rarely just about food - it's much more often about appearance as well. I'd be quite happy to talk about food and recipes if there wasn't this continual conflict between women, their bodies and the food they seem to simultaneously view as comforter and enemy.

Why do receptionists and admin people have to be the only ones who talk about diets? And women only? What rubbish! In our office there are men and women who talk about diets. Including the CEO ...

If you are reviewing the way you eat, want to eat more healthily (not just for weight loss, you know - just putting it out there) or actually DO want to lose weight, then doing it alongside other people really helps.

No IceRoadDucker i meant they need to get over trying to stop people talking about what they want to talk about and they need to learn to cope with the real world where we all live, where people do like to talk about weight loss and food and stuff. I don't mean that people can just "get over it" with an eating disorder, obviously they are really difficult to get over, but sure mollycoddling sufferers can't help.

IME it is the people that keep their intention to lose weight to themselves that are the most successful in achieving their goal.

I used to work with someone that talked constantly about how many WW points were in everything she ate...and everything I ate - not that I was remotely interested. So tedious and I hate to say it but I think women to talk about diets far more than men. I can't remember the last time I heard a man talk about dieting.

I wish women would care less about how much they weighed. All it's resulted in is women getting fatter and unhappier and the diet companies getting richer.

IME it is the people that keep their intention to lose weight to themselves that are the most successful in achieving their goal.

These ^. The people I know who diet, just yoyo. The gorgeous perfectly proportioned woman I know (who was always chubby like me when we were at school), never dieted. She just quietly decided to herself she was going to eat healthier and exercise more. Its only if someone directly asks her that she'll say she doesn't believe in diets or aiming to loose x amount, just choosing healthy options and exercise.

Op your last post yesterday was rather horrible. Maybe instead of ed sufferers getting over themselves, you should get over yourself and stop discussing diets that will never work long term. Not nice being put that way round is it? Yet they have a medical problem to live with, yours is simple choice.

All office girls seem to like talking about food and dinners and exercise and stuff. Way better than talking politics or the EU anyway! I think it does help bomding in a team sometimes.

Hah! Fuck that.

Then again I wouldn't describe myself as an "office girl" anyway (ffs).

I would much rather have a conversation with some substance to it than talk about how many calories are in my lunch.

It's interesting the way you phrase things, OP - "girls" bonding over diet talk. To me it plays alongside women not being taken as seriously as men in the workplace.

Christ I could get into this all day. I won't. What I will say though is that I think if someone suggests that you talking about diets every bloody day is triggering their ED then you should respect that and find something else to talk about.

they need to learn to cope with the real world where we all live, where people do like to talk about weight loss and food and stuff

You mean the real world where so many people are obsessed with their weight and appearance, especially women? The world in which women are so often judged for what they look like rather than what they do? The world in which if I reach for a cake someone will look at me askance and say to her friends (in my earshot) "well I suppose with a figure like that she can get away with it". That world OP?

It's fine if you want to talk about weight and food. But perhaps, after taking in what's been said on this thread, you might want to think about the way in which you do that. Are you being positive about your appearance? Are you knowledgeable and do you talk about health benefits rather than your big tummy that you don't like? And is all this talk actually getting you anywhere? Are you happier and healthier because of it? If not, I'd have another think. Sometimes, it's not someone being too sensitive. Sometimes it would help all of us if the real world would change just a little bit.

OP - what would happen if you absolutely COULD NOT talk about diets or calorie content at work? You'd find something else to talk about right?

I work in a dept with about 15 women, all shapes and sizes, ranging from an 8 to a 28. We do not, ever, ever, talk about dieting or whether a food is bad or good. We talk about last nights telly, books, music, serial killers, eBay, the price of petrol, whether black pens are better than blue pens - proper banal shite. We talk about food, what we're having for tea but never in the context of it being unhealthy or in any way negative.

Maybe, next time you think about bringing up the calorie content of your last snack, you should ask yourself whether you could be talking about something a bit more interesting.

I work in a dept with about 15 women, all shapes and sizes, ranging from an 8 to a 28. We do not, ever, ever, talk about dieting or whether a food is bad or good. We talk about last nights telly, books, music, serial killers, eBay, the price of petrol, whether black pens are better than blue pens - proper banal shite. We talk about food, what we're having for tea but never in the context of it being unhealthy or in any way negative.

Now that sounds like a much nicer office environment than the usual good/bad food talk - for everyone.

We talk shite because the subject matter us 'office girls' deal with the course of our working day can be pretty awful.

Mainly it revolves around the daily mail website though

It's interesting the way you phrase things, OP - "girls" bonding over diet talk. To me it plays alongside women not being taken as seriously as men in the workplace.

I agree. An adult female is a woman, not a "girl", and may well have many things to talk about apart from diets.

I had anorexia for about 4 years in my teens, and had issues with eating way before that. Although I'm recovered now, personally I always have to keep an eye on it as it can return. I have started to relapse a few times (usually in stressful times), but it's something I make sure to address as soon as I notice my bad habits creeping back. So even now, talk about eating can be difficult for me. I especially never let myself watch anything on TV about eating disorders, as I know it's triggering for me. This is how I've dealt with talk of dieting etc at work in the past, I either excuse myself from the room or distract myself with something else. Although I feel it's a shame I feel I have to do this, I understand that most people don't know about my past (not something I like sharing), and even if they did, I accept it's just a part of conversation for many people. I must say though, I do believe that although an ed can be made worse by diet talk, that there is usually an underlying bigger issue. For eg, although my anorexia was made worse by bullying and loneliness, the underlying issue behind it was a difficult early childhood.

I hadn't seen people with ED setting themselves up as the conversation police, OP. Speaking for myself, you asked for opinions and I started by acknowledging that it's not for me to police others, but went on to share that I find diet talk really unhelpful. Because you asked. To have you then turn round and basically say get over yourself, why should expect mollycoddling is pretty poor manners.

OP you may like to talk about your diet - but I like not to have to listen to people talk about their diet. What I do is disengage from the conversation.
In your OP and subsequent conversation you're having a pop at women with eating disorders - thats not on, really. They have to get over it for themselves and their own wellbeing - its not about you or other people. You also say they're touchy about diet talk but on the other hand you seem touchy about your diet talk not being appreciated.

Me & friends may mention diet in a jokey way but its probably a nanosecond convo, its not something to bond over. You can be a real woman without talking about weight, diet, exercise all the time you know, and guess what..some of us do have interest in other issues such as the ones you've listed, EU politics etc, doesn't make us any less of a woman. Then again we might talk about music or something we've seen on tv, online, in fact anything. As Im sure most people do. Its called balance

Diet talk is dull as shit anyway

I haven't read the blog post, but actually, having a recurrent eating disorder means I do find diet and weight chat extremely difficult to listen to. I avoid it as much as I can, but it does seem that something as personal as weight and diet is seen as acceptable lighthearted small talk between women, and I find that extremely distressing. I don't show it, but it can be very painful

I am on a diet. Or rather trying to change my habits.

I talk about it on a thread here, but hardly ever in real life. I get asked loads of questions though. I mean loads. As soon as people see you getting smaller they ask a million questions. It's uncomfortable especially when they start picking it apart.

Something some pps said earlier made me think. The only person I have known to go on and on about dieting was a woman who never lost weight. Every meal went into an app that worked out how many points it was. She was religious about it. But in four years she looked no different. Deposited lecturing everyone else about how great her diet was, her weigh didn't change.

I couldn't care less if she lost weight or not. But listening to it for four years is soul destroying.