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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

talking about diets at work - AIBU?

120 replies

nevereverever83 · 23/02/2016 17:34

Long time lurker here... bit of a weird one to start posting with!!

On fb last night a girl i used to work with for a bit a few years ago posted a blog she wrote about her eating disorder basically saying that everyone talking about their diets at work (at lots of jobs, not just with me) made her bulemic, or made her bulemia/anorexia worse. I have noticed this does seem to happen a lot at work (talking about diets and weight loss i mean) especially where there are lots of women like in admin or receptionists and things like that and it makes me sad to think that she or other girls might be making themselves worse because they don't like hearing about others people's diets, but i'm sort of on the fence about it. I'm quite overweight (about a size 14-16) and it's not like i'm greedy or anything but i've just gradually put on a few pounds every year since getting married and never really lost them. I've been on WW and SW and a few other diets and since some of the other girls at work are also trying to loose weight we do talk about it sometimes, and i actually find it really supportive and helpful to know that we can compare notes and recipes and diets and things like that, and it helps me. So my x colleagues suggestion (which i know whasn't just aimed at me) that basically we're making her bulemic kind of annoyes me... but i also do feel sorry for her. So really i'm wondering if IABU or if she is BU or maybe neither or both? What are yout thoughts on diet chat and body size/weight talk at work?

OP posts:
exLtEveDallas · 23/02/2016 19:56

I had this at my last place. Constant wittering on about diets. It was soul destroying, and you know what, being the only person (out of 6) that wasnt on a diet - I ended up putting on weight! The constant Syns/Points/Salads bollocks had me reaching for the crisps (and bringing in cake and biscuits that I ate the majority of). I lost weight as soon as I left there.

The weird thing was, considering that they were all dieting, none of them seemed to lose any weight. The three that were size 8/10 stayed the same, and the other three that were 14/16/18 did drop initially, but all put it back on again.

Diet talk is fucking tedious and seemingly unhelpful in the main.

oldlaundbooth · 23/02/2016 19:59

bibbitybobbityyhat

Howling, bibbity, howling! Alf Grin

You should come and work at my place! that's why I MN all day and eat lunch alone

Dozyoldtwonk · 23/02/2016 19:59

Diet talk is tedious, boring and IME ultimately pointless anyway. Of all the people I know who diet, who have dieted in the past, every single one of them is still overweight - at best the same, some are heavier.

Diets don't work. Lifestyle change works. Introducing new, healthy habits work. Moving around & exercising a bit works.

YANBU.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 23/02/2016 20:10

I have on going issues with food. Anorexia and bulimia in the past - generally a lot more under control now, but these things are life long. They are at their worst when a) I am in a bad place / feeling like things are out of control, or b) when I am constantly bombarded with everyone talking about diets / losing weight / looking 'sexy' / how enjoying food is 'bad' etc. January and February are normally the absolute worst for this.

So YABU in that sometimes people are so wrapped up in how they want every single person in the world to know that they're living on cucumber and chai tea, that they forget that the people listening might not be in the place to hear it. Just because you are able to lose weight in a healthy way, and feel comfortable with it, doesn't mean everyone else is, or should be exposed to it.

However - YANBU in that people need to take some responsibility for their health. Numerous studies have shown that people who take dieting to the point of eating disorder tendencies had underlying issues in the first place, and the control from these behaviours helped them cope (it's a coping mechanism, not a great one, but it is).

Ubik1 · 23/02/2016 20:14

We talk about diets all the time.

Didn't realise it was offensive. We also talk about the DM all the time.

Puppymouse · 23/02/2016 20:15

I think it depends how obsessive those dieting are and how she was or wasn't included in the conversation.

My weight has been a topic of conversation in all female teams nearly my whole life. I either get massively teased for what I eat or "jokingly insulted" about how skinny I allegedly am/was.

Work places can be hugely toxic and breeding grounds for bored, small minded people commenting on other people's bodies and lives. Sorry rant over but I think YABU and YANBU Wink

LauraMipsum · 23/02/2016 20:16

I read the blog. Emma, if you're reading this, I thought it was spot on.

There is nothing inherently wrong with discussing healthy lifestyles at work, but there's a lot wrong with the way that it always happens. The diet industry relies on people making short-term changes based on moral value judgements. Doughnuts are naughty, pomegranate seeds are evidence that you're being good - honestly, Pavlov's dogs weren't this well-programmed. At least they only barked in response to food, they didn't woof on about naughtiness or saving their syns when they ate the roast chicken instead of the dry Iams or whatever they were being given.

It's setting people up for failure, and it's connecting thinness with virtue and fatness with badness. And when they fail, as they inevitably will on a "diet" rather than a lifestyle change, they put on more weight and then go back and buy more diet books, more diet apps, more diet magazines, because they've been brainwashed into believing - against ALL of the evidence - that the next diet will work.

I hate being surrounded by this tedious crap in the workplace. It must be horrific if you're also trying to recover from an ED.

ILikeUranus · 23/02/2016 20:23

I think neither of you is BU.

If you are on a new diet or thinking of getting healthy in a new way, it's great to get support from colleagues. If you're anorexic or bullemic, any talk about food or diets is going to trigger something in you and make it worse. I don't think there's much that can reasonably done about this other than for people to try to be sensitive, as you always would be hopefully, to someone else who might overhear your conversation and have a different perspective on it.

I wish you both health and happiness.

Gabilan · 23/02/2016 20:25

Good post, Laura.

It's the linkage of food and morality I find so difficult. I want to shout: it's not good, bad or naughty. You don't deserve it or not deserve it. Fucking eat it or don't eat it but stop fucking whining about it.

MintyBojingles · 23/02/2016 20:30

YABU.

I've recovered from anorexia, do not have problems with it anymore, but office diet talk makes me want to cut off and bleach my ears. I loathe it. Constant "oooh that looks nice, oooh you shouldn't be eating that, oooh cake!!! Weighing each other in the office. ODFO. I'll damn well eat what I want. I empathise with the struggle, but it doesn't do anyone any good, no one looses any weight.

Very amused by their reactions when I lost 10kg due to morning sickness. "Oooh you're doing so well you've lost loads of weight, how've you done it?" By spending the last 4 months with my head down the toilet, thanks, no it's not something to be applauded.

Hate it.

MistressDeeCee · 23/02/2016 20:52

I don't work in an office environment anymore but when I did, I closed my ears to diet talk, even if I felt like commenting I purposely wouldn't People would comment on what others were eating as well, God forbid someone should have a doughnut it'd be "oh wow loads of calories in that". The food obsession here is fuelled by media and impossible beauty standards, I do understand that but I find it boring when its somewhere I can't help but hear it, there are lots of things in this world to talk about. I don't like food preachers either - the ones who can tell you every calorie, every theory etc, the food martyrs who've appointed themselves as everyone's "minder" and are normally miserable as sin. I don't want anything they're having, thank you.

WorraLiberty · 23/02/2016 20:58

I wonder where the OP is, while everyone's clicking the link and discussing her friend's blog...

MidniteScribbler · 23/02/2016 21:15

People can talk about what they want, there is no obligation to join in. You can always walk away. If 5 people want to talk about one topic, and 1 doesn't, then majority rules, whether or not person 1 thinks they like the topic or not.

Why do people think they can be the world's thought and conversation police? What happened to simply walking away?

hiccupgirl · 23/02/2016 21:18

This reminds me why I love not working in an office environment anymore.

The diet talk used to drive me demented and tbh most of the women who constantly went on about their diets, never seemed to actually lose any weight.

I work in a job now where I largely eat by myself while driving around and I eat less because there is no pressure to either conform or deliberately eat more to not conform.

Gabilan · 23/02/2016 21:38

Midnite I can walk away, yes. I can also change the topic of conversation. But frankly it's exhausting. I'd have to hide from everyone every time I want to eat, such is the frequency with which office conversations turn to food. And in a shared office, where are you supposed to walk off to? Yes, talking about dieting is well within the bounds of acceptable chat. But at times it feels inescapable. It's often misinformed and frankly it sounds quite unhealthy.

People can carry on talking about it. But if they expect me to like it when they say "ooh, that's 96.5 calories. I'd have to spin for 52 hours if I ate what you eat" then they can cock right off.

Alconleigh · 23/02/2016 22:17

I thank the Lord I now work in a place where everyone is ferociously bright, interesting, and generally just capable of cracking on and eating food they like as a small part of their day. I remember the slow soul death of an office environment peopled by dullards whose whole life was diets, and X Factor, and celebrity gossip. You may just need a better employer.

bookishandblondish · 23/02/2016 22:21

In my office it's the men who discuss diets, weight - less so the women.

And it's not a particularly metrosexual environment....

VioletVaccine · 23/02/2016 22:23

Here's a good diet we could all do?

VirginiaWoofs · 23/02/2016 22:27

I find excessive talk about diets extremely triggering. I had anorexia then bulimia (for years).
I can't control what other people talk about though

Ughnotagain · 23/02/2016 22:28

It is really fucking boring. There were some people at my work talking about their diets/lunches earlier and it made me want to scream.

I do think the writer of the blog has a point and I don't think she's trying to pin blame on other people for her ED. Diet talk is insidious though and it is easy to get suckered in.

AvaCrowder · 23/02/2016 22:38

I was working at trading and treasury, the people who commented on my lunch were men.

LeanneBattersby · 23/02/2016 22:42

Wow, your friend will be delighted you've directed so much traffic to her blog.... Hmm

sleepwhenidie · 23/02/2016 22:42

ODFO with 'it's what women talk about'. It's boring and insidious whoever does it and men can be just as bad as women.

OwlinaTree · 23/02/2016 22:51

Thing is it's just small talk really, it's not topical or political. You are all sitting eating lunch so it's an obvious thing to discuss. You don't want to talk about work because it's a break. I think it's boring at times, but only because it's bland in order to not offend.

Original poster
nevereverever83 · 23/02/2016 23:10

Thx for all the replies. lots of mized feelings on this i guess!!

I get people saying that they have had anorexia or bulemia before and don't want to hear about dieting but i think i agree with other pps who basically said that they need to get over it and learn to cope in society where people do talk and care about diets. So maybe getting touchy about diet talk just shows you that you haven't gotten as better as you thought and you still have problems you need to work on. I dont think its has to be MY problem or a WORK problem just because you (whoever) has food issues. I like to talk about my dieting (i don't find it boring at all!) but i also like to bring in cakes for people's birthdays and go for meals out... it's not like i'm the diet police. And i haven't really met anyone in any offices where it is like that. And it's kind of like this thing that women can bond over even if they have nothing else in common. All office girls seem to like talking about food and dinners and exercise and stuff. Way better than talking politics or the EU anyway! I think it does help bomding in a team sometimes.

She isn't really a friend friend, we just worked together for a few months and are on fb friends. I don't think the post outs me cos she doesn't mention the company we temped at at all.

OP posts:
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