To want to ring the police about this??

[futuremrsstinson]

Me and my ex broke up just over a year ago.

About three months ago he got in contact again after finding out that I moved in with my new boyfriend. Asking why it never happened with us, misses me etc. After a couple of weeks of texts I started replying just to try and get some peace. It did tone down the messages a bit but he then started turning up in our local town at weird times and I would see him as I was driving home. Anyway I ended up having to call the police because he wouldnt leave me alone and they gave him a rap on the knuckles. This was about six weeks ago.

Anyway I was contacted at work today by someone he has applied for voluntary work with as he has put me down as a reference as he did some volunteering for me when I worked for a charity. Its in our local town literally about a 2 minute walk away from where I work so I think theres more of a chance of me bumping into him then there is at the moment

AIBU to not give the reference and to call the police with my concerns??

It doesn't matter how it begins. The key thing is the aspect of fear. If someone means harm to you, you will be afraid even if they haven't done anything yet. They could be just smiling and saying 'I know where you live' but that would give you the chills because you know they do not mean well to you.

OP has said she does not feel any sense of fear. She just thinks her ex is fucking weird.

OP has said she does not feel any sense of fear. She just thinks her ex is fucking weird.

But it's causing her to modify her behaviour, to phone her DP to walk her to her car. That's a bit more than making a face while you think, "that's weird," before moving on to thinking about where you put your keys and whether you need to pick up a pint of milk on the way home.

Although your ex's behaviour has not reached the level that the CPS would deem to be stalking there are some serious red flags for behaviour here that mark the pre-cursor to stalking. My guess is if he waiting for you that it will only be a matter of time until he 'bumps into you' in the car park.

You should definitely call the police and report your ex's behaviour - it will help them collect a file of evidence which demonstrates a pattern of behaviour. This kind of 'passive' harassment is very common. In court his solicitor would argue that their client was parking there for work. For that reason, if you would like to 'test' your theory about his behaviour then also tell the police that you are going to start parking in the other car park (b) further away. Do this for a while and then see if your ex turns up. If he does then I think you will be able to prove that his behaviour is motivated by a desire to see/harass you. You will then be able to counter the argument that he was parking in the original car park (a) for work if he suddenly switches to (b) when you do. I do realise that you will have had to change your life because of his behaviour but I think it will be worth it for two reasons: firstly the proof of above and secondly if he doesn't change car parks you can put your mind at rest that this is all just a co-incidence (unlikely I'm afraid to say) and that he is not trying to see you on purpose.

My friend was being stalked by her ex. She wasn't scared at all, just annoyed. I begged her to report him to the police but she thought I was making a fuss about nothing.

He ended up bashing in her door and trying to attack her with a knife.

Can't believe how many people are minimising this. It's so much better to be safe than sorry. Tonnes of stalking victims just think it's a bit weird at first. At the end of the day you don't actually know what someone is going to do next.